


The Barista

by ever3tt



Category: Harry Potter - Fandom, Marauders - Fandom
Genre: 80s Music, AIDS, Background Jily, Barista!Remus, BoyxBoy, Cafe AU, Dancing together, Eventual Smut, F/M, Flirting, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Glacial Burn, LOTS of comforting, Lots and lots of Pining, M/M, Minor Character Death, OC death, Pining Idiots, Some angst, Strangers to Friends, Tooth-Rotting Fluff, Weed, also 70s music, and cuddles, and kissing, beings goofs, characters get high sometimes, dorks falling in love, fleamont and euphemia are v good parents, lily gets some and at one point so does euphemia and i think so does james, mostly remus and sirius pov s, not their fault cause i made them that way?, record store, remus is also a mechanic apprentice? kinda?, second hand bookstore, set in the early 80s, sirius finds remus in overalls stupidly attractive, sirius has a motorcycle, sirius kinda sucks at coping, sirius thinks remus is dating lily, slowburn, they are so oblivious, wolfstar
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-08
Updated: 2018-09-22
Packaged: 2019-07-08 16:34:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 44,789
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15934268
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ever3tt/pseuds/ever3tt
Summary: Non-magic AU in which Sirius Black works at the equivalent of a 70's Hot Topic that sells band merch with James Potter.• cue bromance!• also cue Jily (because Lily is a feisty redhead with spunk and attitude who adores Pink Floyd - and maybe, okay probably, adores James too)• and ofc it's a WolfStar fanfic so Remus Lupin starts working at the cute independent café down the streetthis was originally gonna be a nice short 1-2k word long typical cafe oneshot fluff kinda fic that got out of hand and quickly got really long and really angsty. sorryps it's a slowburn (like a glacial burn)





	1. straight and taken

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Alright so this is my new fanfiction:) Punctuation? What a foreign concept. Apologies for any misplaced commas, periods, misspelt words etc. most of this was written at like 2am
> 
> Also, just a quick disclaimer that there are a couple scenes where characters are high (just weed) and I have never been high so I'm not totally sure what that experience is like. I did some research and asked some friends though, so I hope those scenes are okay and not completely inaccurate. I also know nothing about how motorcycles or British money (pounds) work, so I did my best with what I found online. Other than that, I hope you enjoy

The store shook from the stampede of people that pushed through the doors the moment he had unlocked them. They weren't usually this busy so early in the day but they had new 'Pink Floyd' merch and fans had been waiting outside the store for way longer than reasonable to ensure that they got their hands on some. Stepping back, to avoid being plowed down, Sirius released a heavy sigh through his nose. The day had only just begun and he was already exhausted. Suddenly a sharp pain spiked through his foot and before he could figure out the cause he was rammed into a rack of 'Rolling Stones' T-shirts that were set up behind him.

"Watch it!" Sirius glared at the girl who'd shoved him. She was tall and slender with striking features. She had long auburn hair, her bangs were cut straight across her forehead. He looked down at her footwear to find thick heavy black boots. No wonder his foot was aching. Not to his surprise, the girl only gave him a once over and rolled her violent green eyes, which were cloaked in heavy dark eye makeup, before stomping away without a word. Gritting his teeth Sirius turned on his heel and rammed into another figure, this one taller and definitely masculine. Patience wavering, Sirius was about to lash out until he saw who it was.

"Blimey, James! Where are you going in such a rush?"

His co-worker and brother from another mother gave him an apologetic, but charismatic, crooked grin. James quickly adjusted his thick frames, which had begun to slip down his nose.

"Did you catch the name of that girl back there?" James asked as he ran a hand through his dark hair, making it look even more as if a tornado had just gone through it. As blatantly obnoxious and pretentious as he found his 'I-don't-even-have-to-try-to-look-this-good' hairstyle, the ladies fell over themselves to get their hands in it.

Sirius shook his head and made a face. "The redhead?"

His best mate's hazel eyes widened with warning and James hastily leaned past Sirius to fold 'Wings' shirts. Looking over his shoulder Sirius saw that their manager had poked her head out from her office door. Her lips were pursed as she looked around the store searchingly. Then she caught sight of them.

"The both of you get your arses over to the front and help the customers already!" A few people looked over to see what was going on. "Mister Potter I don't care how far back your parents and I go, I will fire you. And that goes for yourself as well Mister Black."

Cringing a bit at his last name, Sirius and James hightailed it to the front desk. Sure enough there was already a line of impatient teens and young adults.

"Do you think she means that," James asked Sirius. "About firing us I mean?"

Sirius scoffed as he started helping the first costumer. "It's McGonagall," he raised his eyebrows. "Have you ever heard her make a joke?"

James grimaced. "I haven't."

"Then that should be answer enough." Sirius bagged five identical 'Rush' shirts for a young boy and five more of the new 'Pink Floyd' hoodies.

"So you didn't catch that hotties name?" James asked again.

"No, and she wasn't even that good looking." A lie. The redhead had been quite attractive however, Sirius really did love 5to tease his best friend.

James, who was helping another customer fired back, "Siri, please, even a gaybie like yourself couldn't deny that she was heavenly."

Sirius pouted and gave James a heavy death glare as he scanned a 'Led Zeplin' dress for an older looking girl. "Just because I like blokes and not chicks doesn't mean I'm blind and can't spot out an attractive girl. Also, if you're into feisty redheads whatever, but I'm warning you, this one had fire burning in her eyes."

James shrugged in non chalance. "You know I like them independent and fierce."

Attempting, and failing, to not roll his eyes Sirius managed to at least not guffaw. James would flirt with anyone who had a vagina, independent and fierce or not.

Keeping his cool throughout the morning Sirius helped cranky hormonal customer after customer. Each time a boy with a piercing somewhere other than an ear or a girl with an eccentric tattoo grouched about the price of the cloths or how there weren't enough change rooms Sirius found himself wondering why he still worked here. The truth? He needed the money to pay for tuition and apartment bills. Well, not really, the Potters (James' parents who had practically adopted him a few years ago) were loaded and had made it clear to him that they had no issue helping him out. However, the problem was that he still felt guilty and hated having to depend on them, he wanted to be able to support himself. He was an adult for Christ's sake. He had to figure his life out. So he had applied and been accepted as an employee at a store that sold band merchandise with James. The other boy had decided it would be an interesting experience to have a part time job. Sirius suspected he had the Potters to thank for him getting accepted, considering how well they knew Minerva McGonagall, the store manager. So now he and James had morning shifts on Saturdays and then also worked alternating afternoons and evenings on week days when they didn't have class.

A clatter broke him from his thoughts. Turning, Sirius saw that James had dropped the pen he'd been twirling between his fingers and was staring at the obnoxious redhead from earlier. As if she were used to gaping boys she simply cocked an auburn eyebrow and placed her items on the table. Smirking at his friends shocked face Sirius turned away from James, whose cheeks were tinted pink.

"Potter, James Potter." Sirius heard his friend introduce himself with what he was sure was just barely mustered confidence.

"Pleasure," the girl muttered. However, it evidently was not as she didn't even fake a smile. Sirius tried, more or less, not to eavesdrop but it truly was far too tempting.

"So... you like 'Pink Floyd'?" James attempted conversation and Sirius saw out of the corner of his eye that she was buying the stores latest 'Pink Floyd' shirt design the store had ordered in.

"It's not for me," she replied in a curt tone of voice. Sirius scanned an 'AC/DC' sweater for a girl with a dozen facial piercings.

"Hang on I didn't catch your name," called James. Sirius peered up and saw the redhead leaving.

"I never offered it." She grinned and left.

Sirius watched James gaze wistfully after her, well more her ass. The other boy's shoulders caved once she was gone.

"Someone's been lovestruck." Sirius smirked. James groaned and looked away from the stores exit. Usually when a girl turned him down, which didn't happen often, James would simply shrug it off. Not this time though. Sirius gave a dramatic yawn and elbowed James in the rib. "I'm going to take my lunch break now. You okay to man the fort?"

"Sure mate," James responded glancing around the significantly calmer store.

"Alright, I'll be back in like a half hour or so." Sirius pulled on his vintage black leather jacket and blew a long strand of hair away from his eyes before departing.

-x-

A new cozy little café had opened recently down the street and he decided to check it out. Once in line Sirius inwardly groaned upon seeing who was standing in front of him. The redhead.

"Hey Lily," the barista greeted her warmly. _So she's a regular_ , Sirius assumed since the barista knew her name. "What can I get for you?"

"Hey Rem," she replied without a hint of the attitude from earlier, sounding quite chipper. "I'll take a tall vanilla latte."

"Nice choice. That'll be 1.76 pounds," the barista told her. Lily dug around in her black wallet for a while before she extracted the exact amount of change. "Your order will be up in a mo," the barista told her.

"When does your shift end?"

"Not for few hours but I can take my break in a minute or two."

"Cool, I'll wait at a table."

Moving up in the line he realized it was his turn to order. "Hey just a medium hot chocolate please," Sirius told the barista. He did a double take. Bloody. Fucking. Hell. The barista. Wow, okay, so he was hot. The other boy looked to be about Sirius' age, twenty three, with fair skin an undercut and locks of sandy brown curls that grew as a ruffled mess on his head. Was he ever tall too, 6,2 Sirius would guess. Sirius would be lying if he said he didn't have a weak spot for tall boys. Those thin curved lips, Sirius knew he must be staring, those lips that were slightly parted...and moving...like he was talking. Shit!

"Sorry. What was that?" Sirius tore his eyes from the boys lips up to his eyes.

The boy smiled politely. "I was asking if you wanted whipped cream?"

Sirius nodded rapidly, feeling shaken and a bit breathless. "Yeah, yes! Er-yes I would."  
Good God, those soft brown eyes, it wasn't fair. But perhaps the boys most striking feature were the thin white scars, one running diagonally across his face and the other, smaller one on his jaw. He wondered briefly what the story was behind them.

"Could I get your name?" The boy asked holding up a cup.

"Oh um," Sirius flushed, "Sirius."

The other boy's thick eyebrows creased. "Yeah, I'm serious."

 _How red is my face right now?_ He wondered. "My name is Sirius."

For a moment the other boy just stared. Then he scribbled something on the cup in black sharpie. "That'll be 1.18 pounds."

Sirius dropped the money onto the counter.

"Gottcha!" The young man smiled and Sirius had to remind himself how to breathe. "Have a good day."

"Ahem," the person behind Sirius cleared their throat. Bloody hell he'd been staring again. He wasn't sure whose face was redder, his or the baristas. Looking away Sirius apologized under his breath to a lady behind him who looked a bit like a fat little toad.

When Sirius got to the end of the counter he waited impatiently for his order. A heart beat later a second barista, a squat young boy with watery blue eyes called out, "medium hot chocolate for...serious?"

Sirius grinned and stepped forward. The squat runty man's eyebrows drew together. Quizzically his eyes darted from the cup to Sirius then back to the cup before he finally handed Sirius his beverage and bustled away.

He took a seat at a booth that was close enough to the cashier to have a clear view of the attractive barista. He subtly watched the tall boy finish serving the long line of customers. Maybe he was imagining things, but Sirius thought he saw the other boy glance over at him a couple times. Then the tall boy patted the shorter barista on the shoulder and started untying his black apron. The boy, Sirius thought he remembered the redhead calling him Rem, was wearing a large grey sweater and jeans beneath his work attire. A surge of courage shot through Sirius and he stood up, about to make his way over to the attractive boy, planning to introduce himself. However, the redhead from earlier popped up out of nowhere and wrapped her arms around the tall boy's neck. "I've missed you so much! How are you, darling?"

 _Darling?_ Sirius froze in his tracks and watched as Rem, if that really was his name, smiled brightly down at the girl.

"It's great to see you too, Lil."

"Don't avoid my question mister. How are you?" He heard genuine worry in her voice and her expression was taunt with anxiety.

The tall boy rolled his eyes at the girl's evident concern. "I'm doing fine."

Sirius caught on to the body language and the way the two of them were getting on, it was clear that they were a couple. He sighed to himself and threw out his empty cup as he left the cafe. All the good ones were either straight or taken. Apparently, in this case, it was both.

-x-

Two weeks. That's how long Remus had managed to avoid Lily this time. After the accident he'd moved back in with his mum. It was only supposed to be for a couple weeks but by now it had been more like a couple months. Now he had to start all over at day one. But first he'd have to get through this meet up. She'd cornered him at work and he'd had no where to go. Remus wasn't sure how Lily had found out about his job at the café, he hadn't told her about it. It was probably his mum. She was going to replace him as Lily's best friend any day now with all the time the two of them were spending together, bonding over their worry for him. It was such a nuisance, coming home just to walk in to see them sitting together in the living room having tea and trying to get him to sit down and join them so they could try and pester him into talking about things he really didn't want to talk about. It was incredibly irritating to hear his mum whispering into the phone to Lily about how he was doing and how she wasn't sure how to help him. They both nagged him about his vampirish dislike for the sun, how he needed to leave the house more often or at least open the blinds and let in the nice fresh air. He hated the troubled looks he caught his mum wearing when she watched him, hated how she fretted over him as if he was a child. He'd just about had it. He'd have lost it with her a long time ago if it hadn't been for the overwhelming and all-consuming guilt.

"So what's new and interesting?"

Remus blinked dumbly at the question as he zoned back in to the real world. "Um nothing much." Yeah, he had a real way with words.

They were walking through a park, fallen brown leaves crunching underfoot. The sun was out but the air was cold, biting at his fingers and turning the tip of Lily's nose pink.

"Nothing has happened in the two weeks that you've been avoiding me?" She gave him a pointed look. She was too smart for him to try and trick her. Well then. He'd really been wanting to avoid this, a big confrontation but apparently Lily had other ideas. "I'm not daft Remus."

"I know that."

"I know you've been going out of your way to steer clear of me."

Fuck. "That's not-"

"Don't lie to me," Lily said in her 'I'm not in the mood to take your shit' voice. "You moved out of the flat without saying anything to me. Just packed some boxes and left. Do you have any idea how it felt for me to get home from work, walk into your room to ask if you wanted to have a night in just the to of us and find your room completely empty?"

"I didn't move-"

"You've been living with your mum for the last two months."

Remus was quiet for a minute. There was no way around this. "Sorry," he mumbled.

"Just tell me one thing."

Remus gave her an apprehensive look but nodded in agreement. Not that he actually had much of a choice, Lily was as stubborn as they came. His options consisted of telling her the truth or making a run for it. For a split second he legitimately considered the latter, however he hadn't exercised in god knows how long and concluded that he probably wouldn't make it very far before his lungs gave up on him and he'd have to stop or else collapse from exhaustion. When that happened Lily would be hot on his ass and then he'd have to explain himself while gasping for breath. He cursed himself for not being fit. 

"Why have you been avoiding me?" she asked. "What did I do?"

He sighed and looked down at his shoes, they were scuffed up and dirty. He didn't want to hurt Lily's feelings. "I don't want you to be so worried about me."

"You're my best friend Remus and you haven't talked to me since the accident. Is it so wrong for me to be worried?" Annoyance was creeping into her tone.

"I _do_ talk to you."

"Not about any of the real things, just small talk. It's weird Remus. We've known each other for like nineteen years, why can't you talk to me about this?" she demanded.

"It's not something I want to talk about," Remus shrugged and picked up the pace, walking faster. Lily practically had to jog to keep up, she was tall but Remus was taller and his strides were longer than hers.

"You can't just bottle it all up Rem," she huffed indignantly. She was right, of course she was, but he chose to ignore the logical part of his brain. "It's not healthy and your mum and I can tell you're hurting,"

Remus snorted. "You and mum, huh? You guys are awfully tight lately."

Out of his peripheral vision he saw her give him a frustrated look, she narrowed her eyes at him. "She's your mum. You and I are best friends. I've known her nearly as long as I've known you. So yeah, we're close. Why are you acting like that's so weird?" Lily asked shortly.

"Oh, so I am your best friend?" Remus asked, tone dripping with bitter sarcasm. He knew he was being immature, but the words slipped out before he could filter them.

"What are you talking about?" Lily's face twisted with confusion.

"Well you know you and my dear mum have been spending so much time together lately that I thought maybe the two of you were best chums now," he said sharply.

"Bloody hell Remus! We're both worried. You don't talk to her and you don't talk to me which means you aren't talking to anyone."

He stopped walking and whirled around to face her head on. "Why do I have to bloody talk about anything and everything to begin with!" He took on a high, sour voice to mimic his mum and Lily. "'Sit and talk about your _feelings_ Remus! Tell us about why you _feel_ that way! What are you thinking about?'" He glared at his best friend who looked hurt by his sudden outburst. Remus told himself he didn't care. "Well sorry if I don't feel like sharing every personal detail of what goes on in my head!"

A woman walking her dog across the street stared at them, his cheeks flushed with hot embarrassment. His mouth set into a hard line and he shoved his hands into his pockets angrily.

"When was the last time you visited your dad Remus?" Lily asked biting her lip.

"I'm not doing this." He shook his head and turned around, ready to walk away.

"Tuney didn't invite me to her wedding," she blurted.

Remus stopped in his tracks and turned back around to face Lily. All the hard determination had seeped out of her with that one statement and had been replace by something exhausted and bleak. She looked at him with a sort of desperation in her eyes. "Look, we don't have to talk about what happened Remus, not if you really don't want to, at least not right now. I just want you to stop avoiding me. I want to spend time with you again. Maybe you don't want to talk to me but I need to talk to you. There are things I can only talk to you about and I haven't been able to talk to you, not really, for the last couple of months."

Remus considered this. He knew where she was coming from. He too longed for the late nights listening to vinyl and gossiping, popping each others' zits, splitting a bottle of alcohol, communicating in grunts and choreographing dances to their favourite songs. Okay, so he'd missed her a lot. He saw Lily's lip tremble and it was almost instinctual the way he stepped forward and wrapped her up into a tight hug. "I'm sorry Lily," he whispered into her wild auburn hair.

She squeezed him back, returning the fierce hug full force. "It's okay. I know it's been hard for you. I just want my best friend back."

Lily wasn't really who he was angry at. She didn't deserve the way he'd been treating her. With her here in front of him now he realized how ridiculous he'd been by trying to avoid her, thinking that by doing so he'd be able to avoid his feelings as well. "Wanna get pizza and ice cream and you can catch me up on what your idiot sister has done?"

She offered him a weak, watery smile. "Yes please."

-x-

Lily lay sprawled out across the foot of her messy unmade bed and stared up at the fan that was spinning on the ceiling as it went round and round and round. Remus lazily nudged her leg with his foot, he sat with his back to the beds headboard. "You want the last slice?"

Lily turned her head to look at the lonely sad last piece of pizza in the grease stained box. "Nah," she burped loudly. "I'm full to bursting."

Remus chuckled and tilted his head back so that it rested on one of Lily's many ginormous throw pillows. They'd been sitting like this in her room for the last few hours as Lily caught him up on what was going on in her life. "Mhmm same. Food baby." He rested his hand on his belly. "So what, that's it? Dorcas just isn't talking to Marlene anymore?"

"It's really stupid, believe me, I know. But it gets worse."

"It doesn't."

Lily snorts at his dry humour and sarcasm. "The other girls are getting involved and taking sides. Personally, I'm just trying to stay out of it." Lily paused, and he could tell she was choosing her next words carefully. "They've all been asking about you."

He could feel her eyes on him. He stubbornly kept his eyes on the ceiling fan. "Yeah?"

"Yeah."

Remus bit at the skin around his nails as he thought about this. "It's been awhile since I've hung out with them."

"Marlene is having her birthday party this weekend. Are you coming?"

"You know that's not really my scene," Remus grimaced and squirmed a bit under her gaze. Marlene hosted a lot of parties. All of them were loud and chaotic and usually Remus went and hid in her room so he didn't have to talk to anymore drunk or horny young adults. Saying those parties wasn't his thing was an understatement.

"I know."

Things were quiet between them for a bit before he asked, "Who's going to be there?"

"Mary, Alice, Peter," Lily counted them off on her fingers. "Donna, John, David, some people I don't know but Marlene has class with. Um," she frowned in thought. "Even though they're fighting I'm sure Dorcas would come if I told her you were going to be there." She sounded so very hopeful, he didn't deserve her.

"I haven't got a gift."

"I only just got her a Pink Floyd shirt today. I'm sure we can find her something else at the same store tomorrow after your shift if your up for it?"

Remus sighed, going was the very least he could do to make up for avoiding her. "Fine."

Lily beamed at him, her eyes glittered with happiness. "Thanks Rem."

He smiled back at her. They sat in content silence, actually not complete silence. Africa by Toto was playing quietly from the turn table on Lily's bedside table. Remus unconsciously hummed along to the lyrics as he was thinking.   
  


_Gonna take some time to do the things we never have_

"It's been a month."

"Hmm?"

"You asked how long it'd been, since I last visited my dad. It's been a month."

"A month?" Lily repeated disbelievingly.

"It's hard." He knew it was a shitty excuse, that really it wasn't much of one at all. But he didn't know what else to say, how else to explain.   
  
  


"You don't have to talk about it."

"I know but you were right. I've been bottling things up and I guess who better to talk to about things than my best mate?" Remus grimaced. Lily gave him a small encouraging smile. "People keep saying it's not my fault but it was, Lily. The only reason he was in that car in the first place was because of me. If I'd just stayed home or decided not to drink that night then I wouldn't have gotten wasted and had to call him for a ride home." His eyes started to well up with tears and he tried to blink them away.

Lily reached out and placed a reassuring hand on his arm, not to get him to stop but as a sign of support. He took a deep breath and continued. "There are so many things that I could of, should have, done differently. I took everything away from him and mum. He can't live in his own house with his family anymore. He lives in a home for people who can't take care of themselves because I ruined him-" His throat closed up and he choked on his words.

"Hey, hey, listen to me Rem. It wasn't your fault okay? People keep saying that because it's true. You did the smart thing, the responsible thing, by calling your dad. The other driver should have done the same." The other driver who'd been driving under the influence and had swerved into their lane and caused the crash that had paralyzed his dad from the waist down, rendering his legs useless. The crash that was the cause for the scars that littered Remus' body. The driver had died on impact and left wreckage behind him. He couldn't remember much, apparently he'd gone into shock, his body coursing with adrenaline. When he tried to recall the event it was like a hazy dream, blurry scenes sewn together with blood and glass and wailing sirens. Remus tried not to think about it.

It was only when he'd woken up in the hospital days later that the doctor and his mum, face all blotchy, had helped him piece together what had happened so that it made some sense in his brain. Later his mum explained to him that his dad was recovering but wouldn't be able to come home. He was wheel chair bound and wouldn't be able to navigate the stairs, so he'd been staying at a home for people who couldn't take care of themselves, which was bullshit because Lyall Lupin could take care of himself, they just didn't have the money to relocate to a more accommodating house.

The first three weeks after the accident Remus had visited his dad constantly, but each time he'd gone and seen what he'd done it had been like tearing open the scars to nasty bloody gashes all over again. So he stopped visiting his dad. But the nightmares, they kept him up at all hours, they prevented him from getting enough sleep, prevented him from moving on. He moved back in with his mum because he couldn't take care of himself and he wanted to avoid his best friend who was always giving him searching looks for answers and explanations he couldn't give. That hadn't helped much because his mum gave him those same looks too. People said it would take time for the harsh bluntness of the memories to fade and it was true that some days were better than others and were actually bearable but then a stranger would ask him how he got the ugly scar on his face and it would all come roaring back.

After two months of pushing the memories away, of avoiding the important people in his life, he was caving. Clearly the pushing, the running, the avoiding wasn't working so he was trying something different. That's how he'd gotten here, where he was right now, talking to Lily. It wasn't a great bounding leap to fix everything but it it was baby steps. One thing at a time.

-x-

"Earth to idiot? Excuse me?" Sirius zoned back in. "Hello, yeah hi." Fuck. "I'd like to buy these Led Zeppelin pins." It was the couple from the cafe. Or really it was the redhead up front being an asshole and tall boy was being all gloomy behind her. Sirius stared at him and he stared back. He blinked and broke out of his momentary trance.

"Uh give me a minute," muttered Sirius. He turned away from the couple and went around back to find James. Thankfully McGonagall wasn't in today, she'd have fired him for sure if she'd seen him leave two customers alone at the cashier.

When he walked in James looked over at him with drooping eyes and flashed him a grin. He was sitting up on the window ledge smoking a joint. The young mans hair was sticking up all over the place and he looked like a mess. "Hey Siri, what's up?"

"James, you really shouldn't do that at work." He gave his best mate a disapproving look.

James just rolled his eyes. "Come on man, don't kill my buzz. Besides, McGonagall's not in today."

"Whatever it's your own brain that you're frying." Sirius leaned heavily against the doorframe. It took him a moment to remember why he'd come back here for. "Oh, and she's back by the way."

His friend gave hum a puzzled look. "Huh?"

Sirius cleared his throat. "Your feisty redhead," he clarified. "She's out there." Sirius jerked his head in the direction of the front of the store.

James' face lit up. "Asking for me?"

"No, she's not asking for you," Sirius snorted, making a face and rolling his eyes. "She's with her boyfriend. She wants-"

"Boyfriend?!" James yelped, interrupting, and slide down from the window sill. He crossed the room and took another inhale from the joint.

"-to buy something. Go deal with her."

"Boyfriend?" James repeated.

He sighed dramatically and shoved his hands into his front pockets. "Yes, you dolt. Did I fucking stutter?"

"How do you know?" James asked, brows furrowing as he crossed his arms. Sirius thought he looked like a child about to throw a tantrum.

He ran a hand through his hair, getting frustrated. "Just go deal with them," Sirius groaned.

"Why can't you?" James huffed, blowing out smoke into his face.

"You're the one who likes her!" he exclaimed.

"You said she has a boyfriend!" James retaliated.

"Just go!"

"I'm high!" The other boy argued in a whiny voice.

"So?"

James shook his head and passed the joint to Sirius. "Fine," he sighed and walked out of the room.

When the couple finally left the store, Sirius crushed the joint under his shoe and tossed it in a trashcan before he came back out.

"What the hell?" James turned on him.

"What?" Sirius asked leaning against the counter.

"What's wrong with you?"

"I don't know what you mean."

His friend laughed. "Don't give me that horse shit."

"James, you're going to have to be more specific."

"Firstly, you're an idiot. Secondly, you're an idiot. Thirdly, you're an idiot." James bent over at the waist he was laughing so hard.

Sirius tried to keep a straight face, but high James really was a riot. "Man, you need help coming up with better insults."

"Sirius," James was shaking his head vigorously back and forth, hazel eyes wide. "I don't think they're dating."

"I can promise you they are," he insisted. His eyes scanned the counter for something to fiddle with. They landed on a paper clip which he snatched up and started bending out of shape.

James stopped laughing and pouted. "Why?"

"I went to the cafe across the way yesterday and I saw them. They're dating. Trust me."

"What do you mean you saw them?" James' eyes narrowed.

Sirius looked away. He started bending the metal(wire?) around his finger. "I saw them being all touchy."

"Making out?" his friend prodded, leaning forward and nearly losing his balance.

"James, I really don't want to talk about it."

"Okay, okay, whatever Siri." James held his hands up in surrender and backed off. They sat in awkward silence for awhile. There had been a lot more of that happening lately. James trying to talk and Sirius pushing him away. "Will you take me to get food?" James asked changing the subject, he was apparently over Sirius lashing out. His chest filled with relief, James always forgave him but Sirius always worried that one day he wouldn't. He wasn't sure what he would do if that ever happened.

"As soon as our shift ends," Sirius assured him. The munchies were setting in and when high and hungry James had the weirdest cravings

-x-

"That guy totally wanted to jump you!" Remus cackled when the store door closed behind them.

"Fuck off. What are you twelve?" Lily scowled deeply and shoved the small plastic bag with the Led Zeppelin pins they'd bought for Marlene at his chest.

Remus folded the bag and put the small bundle into his front pocket. "Here's what I'm wondering, what's wrong with him? He's good looking. You didn't even try to flirt back. I don't even think you smiled once the whole time we were in there."

"He was high." Lily rolled her eyes. "They're the same guys that were working there yesterday."

His eyebrows rose. "You totally brought me back on purpose to see that bloke again, not because you remembered the pins."

Lily flushed pink and Remus howled with laughter. Then an image of the other guy flitted into his head and he sobered up. He cleared his throat and tried to make his next words sound as casual and uninterested as possible. "So that other guy, he was there yesterday too?"

"The one who stared at you like he'd just seen a ghost when you walked in?" Her mouth curved up into a smile. "Yeah, I almost ran him down."

Remus gapped at his friend. "You what?!"

Lily waved a dismissive hand at him. "Unimportant. What matters is the look he was giving you. Where have you seen him before?"

"Uh, just at the café yesterday."

"He's cute."

He forced a chuckle. "I guess."

Lily snorted. "You know I know you've got the hots for him so don't even try hiding it."

"I do not," Remus protested.

"Please," she pronounced it like puh-lease, all drawn out and dramatic, "it's so obvious."

"I don't even know him."

"But you'd like to have his adopted babies?" Lily said, completely straight faced.

"Oh my fucking god Lily!" Remus' face went beet red. " You can't just say stuff like that!"

"Can't I?" Lily grinned at him, eyes glinting with mirth.

"No!" He cried out as they turned the corner and approached his truck.

Lily smirked. "It's okay don't worry. I can tell the feeling is mutual."

"What are you on about?" He asked confused, brows furrowing. He pulled his keys out from his sweater pocket and unlocked the car.

They both got in and Lily was putting her seat belt on when she answered. "He would suck your prick if you asked him to."

"LilyIsweartogodI'llkillyouifyou-"

"Calm down," Lily rolled her eyes. "You're twenty-two, you've _had_ sex."

"I'll make you walk."

"Okay, okay, I'll stop."

Remus took a deep breath, started up the engine, and tried to get the dumb guy with long black hair out of his head. He was probably emo or a really heavy metal head. He probably smoked cigarettes that made his mouth taste gross and ashy. He probably thought he was too cool for school and couldn't hold an intellectual conversation.

 _That doesn't mean he wouldn't be a good shag_ , an idiotic and illogical part of his brain interjected.

He hated the side ways look Lily was giving him, like she knew exactly what he was thinking, which, being his best friend and all, she probably actually did.

 


	2. the best friend code

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so apparently italics doesn t carry over from where i wrote these chapters in word and i m sorry but i m too lazy to go back and add them all  
> update : as i m sure you can see i ve now actually figured out how to carry the italics from word without having to nitpick through the whole ch

Apparently, Sirius enjoyed torturing himself. Everyday on his break he would go to the cafe and order his hot chocolate, he quickly learned when Remus had his shifts, which he told himself wasn't creepy at all. He'd figured out the boy's actual name because it was on a name tag attached to his apron. After his shift ended he'd go to the café again. He'd order another hot chocolate and take it to a booth where he pulled out whichever project, assignment, or paper he had to finish and get it done. While he snuck a glance at Remus from time to time, of course.

What confused him was that he would frequently catch Remus looking back at him. Whenever this happened they'd both look away quickly. Sirius didn't know what to think of it. Sometimes Lily would show up and Remus would take his break. They'd hug and laugh and go around back. Sirius would quietly stew over it in his booth as he angrily thought about all the things they were probably doing back there. He knew it was stupid, this crush, it was just that Remus was so incredibly pretty. The way the light gleamed off his golden curls. His long, lanky limbs. The way his nose crinkled when he laughed. Sirius tried to ignore the reason behind Remus' laughter, which was Lily more often than not. Whenever she walked in he'd immediately bury himself in his work, not wanting to see their cutesy interactions.

He went to the cafe at roughly the same time each day. It got to the point where he'd enter the cafe and Remus' head would snap towards the door at the sound of the bell and grace him with his broad smile. Sirius ignored the little voice in his head telling him that Remus probably smiled that way at everyone. "You again," Remus said smirking, eyes glittering with amusement.

"Me again," Sirius laughed awkwardly and felt his cheeks warming up.

"Hot chocolate?"

"You know me so well," he said casually as if his heart wasn't jumping out of his chest.

Remus shrugged. "I'd like to know you better."

Sirius faltered and his mind blanked. "What?"

"Nothing," Remus said, facial expression shutting down and avoiding eye contact.

-x-

Sirius was putting a Queen record onto his turn table when James burst through the door of their flat. "Have you finished that paper thing for Professor Bates?"

"Not really." He walked across the living room and fell into the plush sofa, a gift from James' parents. Actually, the whole place and everything in it was a gift from Fleamont and Euphemia Potter.

"What do you mean not really?" James asked clomping into the living room with his boots still on. "Do you have any answers yet?"

Sirius shrugged. "Some, but they're probably all wrong."

"I don't care," James waved his hand dismissively. "Can I copy them?"

"Sure." He started sorting through the mess of unorganized papers in front of him, every note he'd ever taken in Professor Bates' class. Sirius shoved a stack of notes to the side and a highlighter fell to the floor. He bent over to grab it.

"Cuppa?" James inquired, sounding far too casual, that's how Sirius knew he was about to be interrogated. Whenever James wanted to talk about something serious he asked if Sirius wanted a cup of tea.

"Sure, why not," Sirius sighed. He wasn't sure if he was mentally prepared for this, whatever _this_ was.

The other boy started banging around in the kitchen, filling the kettle with water and setting it on the stove. He jimmied the sticky knob that lit the burner. "So, when was the last time you went on a date?" James asked out of no where.

Definitely was not ready. "Uh, I don't know. Why?"

"Just wondering." James pulled out two mugs from the cupboard and set them on the table as he searched for the teabags.

"Okay," he muttered. "Here's what I have so far." He held out a paper covered in his messy cursive. James crossed the room and took it from him.

"What if someone was interested?" The bespectacled boy asked, chewing on his bottom lip and squinting at Sirius.

"If you're talking about Archer I am so not going out with him," Sirius said jokingly in attempt to lighten the atmosphere.

James hummed an acknowledgment to what Sirius had just said. He was silent for a brief moment before he murmured, "You know Sirius you're going to have to move on at some-"

Sirius' whole body automatically stiffened. "Can we not do this right now," he said, his tone was cold.

"It's been almost six months," James pushed.

"I'm quite aware, James." He could hear the bite to his words, how bitter and angry they sounded. He knew James didn't deserve it, but he also couldn't seem to soften his words before they left his mouth.

"So you haven't liked any of the blokes you've been out with in the last ten months?" James pestered in an accusatory tone, crossing his arms across his chest.

"I didn't click with any of them," he mumbled.

"Because you never give any of them a chance. You hook up with them for a night of fun in the sheets then leave before the sun even rises, without a word." He must have seen Sirius' shocked expression because he scoffed, "You were drunk and crying in bed last Friday. It didn't take long before you were spilling your whole sad love life to me." James made a face. "What does that even mean, _clicked_?"

It took him a moment to process everything James had just said. Once he did he looked up at James from the sofa and faced his best friends worried expression. "I don't know, James!" he sputtered. He was saved by the loud squeal of the kettle. James ran both his hands through his hair and turned around to fix up their tea. Sirius sat there, elbows braced against his knees, head in his hands, trying not to think too much. Sirius heard James put the mug down in front of him, felt the other boy sit down beside him, the couch dipping under his weight.

He rubbed his face roughly with both hands. "Have you?" his voice sounded tight and he tried to swallow down the lump in his throat.

"Ever really liked someone?" James asked quietly.

"Yeah."

He seemed to actually take pause to ponder the question seriously. "I did date Josephine for like nine months."

"You seemed happy with her," Sirius noted.

James shrugged with his full body. "I guess."

He hummed. "I don't think you ever did tell me why you two ended things."

"It was mostly mutual but to be honest I probably would have stayed with her if she hadn't started the conversation, about breaking up." Sirius reached for the mug in front of him. Steam rose from the liquid and he blew on it in attempt to cool it, so he wouldn't burn his tongue. "We were both content. The sex was good. We were fine, but you know we weren't...more?" James went on. "Does that make sense?"

"Not really." They both laughed weakly.

"We were okay but that was all we were ever going to be," James explained. "We were never going to be great or amazing. You'll get it once you have a serious relationship."

He had though, he'd met the man of his dreams. Or so he'd thought. _Maybe being gay is a sin after all_ , Sirius thought. Why else would fate have played such twisted games with him? A year ago he'd met the person who made him feel alive, the person he had loved more than life itself. He would have even called Oliver his soulmate, the person fate had designed for him. But if that was true fate was a twisted son of a-

"A... _Sirius_ relationship?" James wiggled his eyebrows and Sirius forced a smile onto his face so his friend would stop worrying about him.

-x-

Sirius crouched on the sidewalk beside his motorcycle which had been fully functional that morning when he'd taken it to work. Now for some reason, that he couldn't figure out, the damn thing wouldn't start. Sirius was trying to fix it despite the fact that he had zero experience with mechanics. He grumbled a few choice words, ones he wouldn't have ever so much as uttered in Mrs Potters presence, under his breath.

"Hey, you're that boy who always hangs out at the cafe, right?"

Startled, Sirius jumped, his head whipped around. His eyes traveled from the beat-up converse on the sidewalk up to the grinning face of one Remus. He looked absolutely delicious in a big, cozy looking, creamy beige sweater that swallowed him up. He gaped like a fish out of water long enough for it to be awkward when he finally snapped out of it. He laughed loudly, cringing internally at himself, he stood up. "That's me. I try to get my work for school done between and after shifts. I work better outside of the flat because my roommate is a uh piece of work." He realized he was rambling and blushed heavily. He extended a hand. "I'm Sirius."

"Remus," the other boy introduced himself, smiling warmly. Sirius knew the boys name already, of course he did, it's not like he hadn't spent the last two weeks pining after him. "It's nice to finally meet you," Remus said. "So, you own a motorcycle?" He gestured to the bike in front of them, then frowned. "Looks like you're having some trouble."

Sirius cringed. It was just his luck that this was the circumstance under which they were getting to know each other. "Yeah, I'm not sure what's wrong."

"Well lucky for you I happen to be kind of handy with this sort of thing."

"Wait, actually?" Sirius' eyebrows shot up in surprise.

"Yeah, Lily, you might have seen her, she's got like red hair?" oh Sirius had seen her. "Anyway, she owns this old piece of junk car that always breaks down, but she refuses to give it up, she's kinda sentimental about that kinda thing, so we were always going to the repair shop. We were there often enough to really get to know the man who owns the place and turns out he's a pretty good guy. I guess he saw that I was interested because one day he asked if I wanted to watch him fix up a few of the more basic mechanic issues. Turns out I'm a fast learner, and according to him a natural, so he asked me if I wanted a job working for him-" Remus stopped abruptly. "Sorry I'm rambling. Point is I got a job with him so now I'm pretty good with fixing cars and bikes and the like." A blush was working its way across the blond boy's cheeks and down his neck.

"Cool," Sirius could feel his own cheeks heating up. "I'd love some help."

"Cool..." Remus shrugged out of his jacket and handed it to Sirius. He knelt by the motorcycle and fiddled around for a minute or two. "Ahhhh I see," he muttered under his breath.

"What is it?" he heard the anxiety creeping into his voice. "Is it bad?"

"Well you have a suicide throttle," Remus stated very matter of fact.

"Huh?" He felt like a complete idiot. Remus peered up at him and raised an eyebrow. The look sent shivers down Sirius' spine.

"I'm going to have to take this back to the shop."

"Shit," he swore and scuffed his shoe against the sidewalk.

"I can uh do it free of charge?" the boy offered.

"No, no," Sirius quickly dismissed the idea. "Don't be ridiculous. Money's not the problem. I was just hoping this would be a quick fix."

Remus grimaced and squinted against the sun. "Wait here and I'll go get my truck from around the corner?"

"Yeah, and Remus?" The boy took his jacket back from Sirius and pulled it on. "Thanks so much."

"No problem." The right side of his mouth curved up as he started walking backwards. As he spun around to walk away he said, "I'll just be a minute."

Between the two of them they managed to lift the motorcycle into the back of the truck. "It was my dads," Remus volunteered. "It's old but it does the job. Er- anyway, do you have a pen? I'll give you the address and you can pick it up tomorrow."

"Oh right." Sirius slung his backpack down off his shoulder and rummaged around until he found one at the bottom. "Here."

Remus took the writing utensil and uncapped it. "Give me your hand."

"What?"

"Your hand," Remus repeated. "So I can write the address?"

"Right. Totally." He quickly wiped his hand on his pant leg before holding it out. Remus' fingers were cold, holding his hand in place as he wrote a hasty address on Sirius' palm. He hoped against hope that the blond boy wouldn't notice how clammy his hand was.

"So, I'll see you tomorrow?" Remus asked, recapping the pen and handing it back to Sirius.

"For sure." Sirius nodded and slipped the pen back into his bag.

The side of Remus' mouth quirked up as he started walking backwards, towards the car. Then he turned away and got in, Sirius watched from the sidewalk as he drove away. Once the car turned a corner Sirius inhaled sharply and buried his face in his hands. What was he doing?

-x-

"Where are we going?"

"Not telling," Oliver said sounding far too smug.

"How much longer do I have to keep this tie over my eyes?"

"I didn't know what else to use to blindfold you!"

"I think it might be slipping..." It wasn't really but Sirius couldn't help but tease Oliver.

"I'm serious-"

"No, I am." He really couldn't help it.

Oliver giggled and happiness bubbled up in Sirius' chest at the sound. "Shut up." He could hear the smile in the other young mans voice. "Don't peak, you'll ruin the surprise!"

Sirius smiled to himself. "Can you at least give me a hint?" he whined.

"No way!" Oliver answered, gripping his hand tighter. Sirius squeezed back.

"But I'm the birthday boy," Sirius said pouting.

Oliver only dragged him along behind him faster. "We're almost there. Just a couple more minutes."

Oliver had woken him up way too early this morning claiming to have the best birthday surprise ever. Before it wouldn't have been too hard to get Sirius the best birthday surprise ever because his parents had sucked at that kind of thing. However, since he'd moved in with the Potters his birthdays had significantly improved from a massive depressing disappointment to one of his favourite days of the year. Sirius didn't say any of this to Oliver though, just let him pull him along.

"We're outside," Sirius said as cold hair hit his face and wind swept through his hair.

"Great deduction, genius," Oliver teased.

"Hey! It's my birthday, you don't get to make fun of me."

"Blah blah blah," he could practically hear the other man rolling his eyes. "You can take the blind fold off now."

Sirius pulled the fabric down and stared. He opened his mouth to say something, but nothing came out. Out of his peripheral vision he could see Oliver shifting anxiously from foot to foot. "Do you like it?" he asked nervously.

Sirius blinked hard. There was no way... he tore his eyes away and glanced over at Oliver. "Are you serious?"

"No, you are."

"Oliver, did you actually- You can't- You got me a motorcycle for my birthday?!"

Oliver was chewing at his lower lip. "Do you like it?"

"Oh my god! You got me a motorcycle!" His eyes swam with tears. "It's a really good one too. Jesus, how much did it cost?! You're not kidding right? This isn't a joke?" He was rambling and he could feel his heart hammering. Oliver came up in front of him, his lip was bleeding a bit from chewing it so much.

"Is it alright?"

 _"'Is it alright'?!"_ Sirius repeated disbelievingly. "It's incredible!" He cupped Oliver's face in both hands and pulled him into an open kiss. He pulled back just enough to speak, when he did their lips brushed together softly, sending shivers down his spine. "I love it, I love you, thank you." He felt entirely and completely breathless.

Oliver beamed up at him and it was like he'd cracked open the sun. Sirius lived for these smiles. "Best birthday surprise ever," he whispered pressing his forehead to Oliver's and kissing his nose.

-x-

Sirius had taken public transit to get to the address Remus had scribbled onto his palm. Biggest mistake ever. Okay maybe that was a bit of an exaggeration, but he had been more than relieved when he'd reached his stop because a weird smelling guy had decided to sit beside him and a woman with a bawling baby had been riding with him. The moment the bus had come to a stop Sirius had bolted through the doors. Crisp fresh fall air met his face and he breathed it in. From there he'd had to walk.

When he reached the repair shop he was pleasantly surprised. He wasn't sure what he'd been expecting exactly but it hadn't been this. The shop was like a ginormous walk in garage. It was full of cars, tires, and an assortment of tools Sirius had never seen before in his life. He stopped to stare at in all, feeling just a bit overwhelmed.

"Sirius?" He snapped out of it and turned to see Remus walking towards him and looking stupidly attractive in grease stained overalls.

His mouth went dry but he forced himself to speak. "Hey." He forced a smile onto his face. Then he noticed the other young mans messy curls. Sex hair. Remus had sex hair. Sirius averted his eyes and swallowed hard before turning his eyes back to Remus' face. It wasn't fair, no person should be able to look as good as he did at a job like this.

"Here for your bike?" Remus asked as he picked up a rag up from a nearby bench on his way over and used it to clean his hands.

"What else?"

"To see me?" The other boy teased. Sirius chuckled because he _was_ joking around, right?

"It's over here. Follow me." Sirius did as he was told and trailed behind the other man. He realized suddenly that when Remus stood up straight with his shoulders back he was noticeably taller than him by at least three inches. He both hated and loved this new knowledge. Sirius wasn't a short man himself, he was something like 5,9.5 (yes that .5 did matter because then if you were rounding he was actually 5,10) But James was always teasing him about being shorter than him so usually height was a bit of a touchy subject. However, something about Remus being taller made butterflies erupt in his stomach. He did his very best to ignore them.

"Here she is." Remus stopped and Sirius saw his motorcycle, he rushed forward and touched it. He was so glad to have it back. He had never told anyone, he'd hardly even let himself think about it, but the motorcycle was one of the last things Oliver had ever given him. It was like a piece of the boy. He shoved that train of thought aside.

"Thank you thank you thank you!"

Remus laughed and forget butterflies that boy gave Sirius beehives. "It was no problem."

"So um you work here and at the café as a barista?"

"Yeah, it's a little stressful with school and everything but you can't not pay the bills, right?"

Sirius laughed but, in all honesty, he didn't understand the other boys stressed. James' parents payed the bills so whatever money he made at his part time job was extra spending cash for him to do whatever he wanted with. "What do you go to school for?"

"I want to be a journalist. So uh yeah, journalism. What about you?"

Sirius felt vulnerable talking about the career choice he'd made. "Social worker."

"Really?" Remus' eyebrows shot up into his hairline.

"You sound surprised?" He didn't want to feel offended but he did, just a bit.

Remus shrugged and looked like he was about to say something but just then a familiar voice called out his name.

"Lily!" Sirius heard the excitement in Remus' voice when he saw the girl. He really wanted a hole to open up in the floor and swallow him.

The girl bounded over and gave the tall boy a hug. Then she saw Sirius and he was surprised when her eyes actually lit up upon seeing him. She pulled back from her hug with Remus. "Sirius?"

He rubbed the back of his neck awkwardly. "Hey."

"Hey yourself. Why are you here?" The question was for him but she was giving Remus a pointed look he couldn't read.

"Remus was fixing my bike for me."

Lily hummed, acknowledging that she'd heard him. "How nice of him."

"Yeah." Sirius thought the expression Lily wore was a funny one. She was making faces at Remus, and Sirius couldn't see that other mans face but he was sure he was making faces back. Like they were trying to communicate with one another without words. Apparently whatever silent conversation they were having couldn't be said aloud in front of him.

Remus cleared his throat loudly and looked away from the redhead. "Weren't we going to a movie Lil? Starts soon doesn't it? We should probably go?"

Lily tutted at the tall boy disapprovingly. "Don't be rude Remus." She turned to Sirius and smiled widely. "We planned on seeing a movie this afternoon. Care to join us?" Now Sirius was even more confused.

"Uhm?" He glanced over at Remus as if maybe he'd have an explanation, but he wouldn't make eye contact with him and Sirius found that answer enough. Clearly Remus didn't want Sirius to come. Why would he? He probably wanted to spend time alone with his girlfriend. "I actually have plans already but thanks anyway. Maybe some other time."

"Oh." Sirius couldn't figure out why Lily looked disappointed with his answer. "Yeah, some other time."

"It was good running into you Lily." He tried for a smile but was sure it looked more like a grimace. "Thanks again Remus."

"No problem." Sirius tried not to feel hurt when Remus still wouldn't look at him.

Chewing the inside of his cheek he unlocked the back compartment of his motorcycle to get his helmet. Putting it on he then mounted his bike and started it up, the engine roared to life. A small smile found it's way onto his lips. He looked up and saw Remus staring at him. He tore his eyes away and shoved away his conflicting thoughts and emotions as he revved his bikes engine and rode out of the repair shop.

-x-

"What was that about?"

"I don't know what you mean," Remus said flatly, turning and walking away.

Lily made a sound of frustration and followed him. "You're going to lose your chance with that guy if you don't pull your shit together."

Remus sighed and opened the door that lead to his locker. "He's not interested Lily." He mostly not on purpose but maybe okay a little bit on purpose dropped the door on her.

She caught it with a grunt and struggled to get through. "And just how would you know that?" she demanded.

"I'm a very perceptive person."

"Maybe usually but not right now. Right now, you're fucking oblivious and it's genuinely painful for me to watch."

"Whatever. I don't want to talk about this. Wait here while I go change."

Lily stared after her best friend. As far as she knew Remus hadn't dated anyone since the accident. Even before the accident he hadn't had any serious relationships in awhile. He had always been pretty self conscious, but the accident had made him more so because of the scars he'd acquired. It was evident to her that they didn't matter to Sirius, from the way he watched Remus like he couldn't believe he was real. She could see how obvious it was, she just wished Remus could see it too.

-x-

"The regular?" Remus asked him. Things felt a little tense between the two of them. It was the first time they'd interacted since the way they'd left things at the repair shop.

"Thanks." By now Sirius didn't even need to ask for a hot chocolate. Remus didn't need to tell him how much it cost either. But he didn't want these to be the only words they exchanged that day so he said, "A grilled cheese too please."

Remus nodded. "Your total comes to 2.94 pounds." Sirius handed him the money. "I'll bring it over to you when it's up."

"Thanks." Sirius turned and took a seat at his regular booth. He slung his bag off his shoulder and rooted around for the essay he had due tomorrow. It only took about five minutes before he'd completely zoned out the rest of the world and was totally consumed by his work.

"Where should I put these?" A voice asked. Sirius blinked hard and zoned back into what was going on around him. Wide eyed he turned and looked up at a frowning Remus who was holding his order and still avoiding eye contact.

"Here let me just move this stuff out of the way." Sirius scrambled to clear up his papers and pens so there would be enough room to put down his grilled cheese and hot chocolate. An awkward silence hung over them and Sirius hated it. As Remus was putting down his grilled cheese his sweater sleeve was pulled back to reveal a couple of those little yarn friendship bracelets. Without really thinking too much about what he was saying Sirius said, "Cute bracelets."

Remus fumbled his hold on the cup of hot chocolate and it slipped out of his hand. Sirius helplessly watched as it spilt all over his shirt. He felt the hot liquid soak through the fabric to his skin. He cursed loudly, and a couple of the other cafe patrons turned to stare at the scene.

"OhmygodSirius! I'm so sorry!" Remus was freaking out.

"It's okay," he said lamely, looking down at his stained shirt. Remus groaned and buried his face in his hands.

"Remus, look at me." Worried brown eyes met his through parted fingers. "It's totally fine. Spilt hot chocolate is not the end of the world. I'm honestly just glad none of it got on my essay."

Remus still looked absolutely horrified. "Come to the back with me."

Sirius wasn't sure why Remus wanted him to follow him but if it would make Remus feel better he would. Sirius walked through the door Remus held open for him. The one that had a sign on the front reading 'employees only.' Inside was a hallway with a few more doors, the one Remus lead him to held a row of lockers. Remus unlocked one of them and swung it open. He started riffling around and made a pleased sound when he apparently found what he was looking for. "Here. Change into this." Remus held out a forest green sweater with patches at the elbows. Sirius stared at it blankly. Hesitantly he reached out and took it from Remus, a look of relief washed over his face. Holding the sweater between his thighs he reached for the hem of his shirt and pulled it over his head. Remus made a choking sound and Sirius quickly looked up at him to make sure the other young man was okay. He looked a bit pink but otherwise fine. "You good?" he asked, puzzled.

"Swell." Remus shoved his hands into his pockets and spun around.

He frowned but put on Remus' sweater. It was huge, the sleeves went past his fingers and gave him sweater paws. Not only that but it also smelt like a mix of lemons, some sort of tea and boy. Sirius felt kind of high from the scent that was just so _Remus_. He had to refrain from holding the fabric over his face and breathing it like oxygen. "Thanks," he said, turning to look at the other man who still looked flushed. Was it hot in here?

"Anytime," he replied, opening and holding the door open for Sirius. "Sorry for spilling on your shirt. I'll get a bag for you to put that in."

"Sounds good."

"You go back and sit down at the booth. I'll be back in a minute." He was back in seconds, holding out a plastic bag. Sirius took it, tossed his shirt in and tied it at the top.

"I'd better get back to work."

"Yeah, of course."

"See you around?"

Sirius smiled and nodded.

-x-

He was barely through the door to their apartment before James was hollering for him. "SIRIUS!"

"WHAT?"

"COME HERE!"

"GIVE ME A MINUTE!" Running a hand through his hair he tugged off his boots and dropped them in the front porch before making his way to James' room.

He pushed the boy's bedroom door open to reveal a room with band posters on every one of the walls, a messy desk littered with dirty cups, and beer cans stacked in the corner. "What is it?" he asked impatiently.

James was starfished across his bed, over a pile of clothes, with his head hanging off the side, upside down. "What are you wearing to the party tonight?"

"Shit," Sirius muttered.

James sighed loudly. "You forgot, didn't you?"

"Yeah, but it's fine. I can still come, it's not like I have anything better to do."

"Good. So?"

"So what?"

James sat up quickly and pushed himself up off his bed. "What are you bloody gonna wear?"

"Probably just jeans and a shirt." Sirius gave a full-bodied shrug. "Why does it matter?"

"Because I don't know what to wear." James pouted and rubbed at his eyes.

"Why is that my problem?"

"Because I'm your best mate and therefor it's your duty to help me. Also aren't gay people supposed to be stylish?"

He scoffed and crossed his arms across his chest. "Just wear whatever. And no, _gay people_ are just as stylish as you straightos. Being gay doesn't make a person more stylish. That's a stereotype."

"Siriiiiiiiii," James whined loudly, drawing out the nickname he had for the other boy. "Help meeeeee. What if a hot girl is there?"

"Oh for Christ's sake. Fine. Just shut up and stop your groaning."

James immediately brightened up and stopped pouting. "Thanks man. You're the best."

"I know."

-x-

"I legitimately despise myself," Remus said, turning his face so it wasn't buried in Lily's mound of pillows on her bed.

"Remus, that's enough," she replied, highlighting something in her notes. Something stupid probably. Something that probably didn't matter and wasn't important. This on the other hand was very important. He couldn't believe she was ignoring him to study for her dumb test.

"I hate myself with the fiery burning passion of a bajillion suns." Maybe that would emphasize his pain and she'd put away her work.

"Pity party is over," she said, not even looking up. Okay so nope, not the way his best friend was supposed to be reacting to his immensely embarrassing story and self loathing and evident pain.

"I spilt boiling hot chocolate all over him."

"Rem, It's fine," she reassured him.

"He hates me," he insisted.

"I thought you said he didn't sound angry."

He frowned and a crease appeared on his forehead. "He didn't. He seemed really really calm, like too calm, like who is even that calm when someone spills hot chocolate on them? No one. So he's probably pissed. He's never going to talk to me ever again. He'll never come to the café ever again. I've ruined everything. Not that there was anything to begin-"

"You're overreacting," Lily said, cutting him off. "He likes you remember so that's why he was cool about it."

Remus flopped onto his back and groaned. "I'd like to die now please and thanks."

Lily sighed and stood up. "I'm getting pizza. I'm assuming you want some."

"Well obviously," he said snorting.

"Great. Get off your ass and let's go," she said as she pulled her hair up into a high ponytail.

Remus sighed loudly and moped. "Can't you just go and bring it back."

Lily opened her closet doors and pulled on a jacket, the weather outside was really getting cold. "No."

"Why?"

"Because you're going to eat it too."

"And?"

"So you need to come and keep me company."

"Please don't make me," Remus whined pitifully.

Lily considered him. "You have to do the dishes for the rest of the week."

He glared at her but she wouldn't budge. "Fine."

"Great. I'll be back in like twenty minutes." With that she was out the door and Remus wallowed in self pity by himself.

-x-

Lily walked into the Pizzeria, practicing her order and what she was going to say in her head. She was so distracted by this that she managed to walk right by the guy sitting at the table by the door and order her pizza without noticing him. However, he wasn't distracted and noticed her.

"Hey!" She whirled around in surprise. "You're that girl!" the bespectacled young man with unruly black hair exclaimed.

"Uh, sorry, what?" Shit. Was she supposed to know this guy?

"You bought a Pink Floyd shirt and Led Zeppelin pins."

Something in her head clicked and she recognized him as the guy who worked at the place she had bought Marlene's gift. He'd also been working there the day she'd gone back with Remus so he could also get her something. Both times he had shamelessly flirted with her. "Oh yeah! You're the high guy."

His smile faded. "What?"

Her face flushed. She hadn't really meant to say that aloud. "When I was getting the pins. You were high, I mean at least I'm pretty sure you were. You laughed at like everything I said."

The guy rubbed his neck awkwardly. "Yeah, I was supposed to be on my break but Sirius-" He quickly clamped his mouth shut and pursed his lips.

Lily frowned and narrowed her eyes at him. "But Sirius what?"

"I can't say. As best friend I'm unable to provide the answer to that question." He made the motion of sealing his mouth shut and throwing away the key, which admittedly was kind of cute. She shoved away that thought because this was for sure one of those guys who was hot and knew it and was therefor probably arrogant about it because they knew they could get practically any girl they wanted. Well Lily was not one of those girls who swooned and mindlessly fell for guys like him. No sir, no way.

"Right of course. Best friend code. I understand." She stood there feeling out of place and wasn't sure what else to say.

"Thanks. So, uh...what are you doing here?"

She motioned behind her shoulder, to the kitchen. "Ordering pizza." The guys ears turned pink. "You?"

"Same."

She put her hands into her hoodie pocket, so he couldn't see the way her fingers were nervously fidgeting. "Nice."

Lily was about to admit that she had forgotten his name when a young teenaged boy with a pimply face and bright orange hair called out, "Large Hawaiian pizza for..." he hesitated before continuing, "Prongs and Padfoot?"

The guy stood up, a wide grin breaking out across his face, and moved forward to pay for the pizza. When he was done he turned back around to face Lily.

"What?" he asked when he saw the look on her face.

"Firstly, pineapple on pizza? Ew you disgust me. Secondly, Prongs and Padfoot?" she was trying to hold back her smile.

" _Firstly,_ " he said mockingly, "pineapple on pizza is delicious. _Secondly,_ those are Sirius and my nicknames for each other."

"Care to elaborate?"

"Dreadfully embarrassing inside joke," James chuckled. The way he was smiling had Lily begrudgingly counting at least a few butterflies flapping around in her stomach. So he was a little attractive, so what? "You have to be at least a level five friend to hear the story."

Lily raised her eyebrows. She'd be lying if she said she wasn't very interested to hear the story now. "Yeah? How do I become a level five friend?"

"Well we would have to spend more time together. Obviously." The tall man shrugged.  "I'd have to make sure you were worthy of hearing it."

She couldn't help but find him endearing. "Hmm, I'd have to check my calendar and see if I have any room. I'm very busy you know. However, I'm sure I could make some time for you."

"I'd truly be honoured," he said putting a hand over his heart dramatically.

She snorted and rolled her eyes. "So what were you thinking?"

The guy shifted in his seat and crossed one leg over the other. "Sirius and I are going to a party tonight. Wanna join?"

Lily's smile faded. "I can't. Remus and I are spending the night in together."

James face fell immediately. "Oh, okay."

"Some other time?" She asked hopefully.

"Sure," he replied, but it was like he'd lost all his energy in the span of 0.5 seconds and she felt like she'd done or said something wrong.

A door around the corner of the kitchen banged open and Sirius walked out. "James, you have to go check out the toilet paper in the bathroom!" he exclaimed excitedly. "It's so thick and our toilet paper back at home sucks and I couldn't help it. I managed to get a couple roles off the rung things and smuggle them into my bag, look!" He started to unzip the backpack he was holding tight to his chest. Then he looked up and saw Lily. Sirius froze and stared at her. "You heard nothing," he said, eyes wide, clutching the bag even tighter. It was comical.

"Large meat lovers pizza for Lily?" The boy behind the counter called out.

While she was paying for it she heard the door swig open behind her, cold air rushed into the room. She turned just in time to see Sirius wave goodbye. His friend, James was what Sirius had called him, was avoiding eye contact with her and was looking down at the box of pizza in his hands. Lily felt something like hurt sting in her chest, which didn't make sense because she hardly knew the guy. Still she couldn't help but feel like she'd messed up somehow.

-x-

At three in the afternoon Sirius decided to check up on James. He popped some bread into the toaster and waited for it to pop back up. While he waited he filled a tall cup up with water. When the bread came up a light brown he put it on a plate and used a knife the butter it before taking the cup of water and food to his friend's room. He opened the door to a very dark room, all the lights were off and the curtains were pulled shut. He crossed the room and laid the plate of toast down on the side table with James' glasses. He sat on the bed beside James who had a pillow over his head and shook his shoulder gently. The loud and obnoxious groan that came from James signaled that he was awake. "My head hurts."

"You're hung over. Here, have some water."

James rolled over a bit and sat up just enough to drink. "How are you fine?"

"Because I didn't get black out drunk last night," Sirius chuckled, taking the glass back from him. "You eat some toast. I'll go re fill this and go get you a painkiller."

He walked to their shared bathroom and turned on the tap, waited for the cup to be full to the brim. Reaching into the cupboard he took out a bottle of Advil, popping the cap off he slid one out before putting the bottle back where he'd found into. When he got back to James the other boy had his arm draped over his face. He put the cup and pill down beside the uneaten toast. "Dude you've gotta eat something."

"Just the smell of it makes me want to vomit," James moaned pitifully. Sirius snorted and rolled his eyes, his best mate was just as much of a drama queen as he was. He walked over to the window and swept the curtains open, the blinds behind were still shut but sunlight filtered through the small cracks. Sirius started inching them open, watching James as he did, waiting for a reaction.

"Sirius you better not be fucking doing what I think you're doing." He muffled his laughter into the sweater sleeve he held over his mouth. "I can't believe you're laughing at my pain."

"Now now none of that," Sirius said smirking. "I'm the one who dragged your sorry drunk ass home last night. You should be thanking me."

"Like fucking hell."

"Take the painkiller James. Than eat your fucking toast, but not too fast or you might actually vomit. Again."

James peeked out from behind his arm. "Last night?"

"Don't worry it was outside Frank's." James gave him a confused look. "Before we got in the cab," Sirius supplied. Recognition dawned on his friends face as the memory came back to him, he winced.

"I'm heading out in five. Need anything else before I leave?"

"Tell my mother and father I loved them."

He rolled his eyes. "Goodbye James."

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the overalls make a comeback;)


	3. the most handsome man throughout all the land

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> alright so thankfully i figured out the italics. to be honest i m kind of annoyed it took me this long

The bell above the door rung gently as Sirius stepped in. The first floor of the building was a record store. AC/DC played on the speakers, the smell of incense filled his nostrils, new records lined the walls and shelves while second hand records filled boxes on the floor. If one wandered up the flight of stairs at the back the records were replaced by second hand books with old yellowed pages. The afternoon sunlight fell through the windows, illuminating the dust in the room. Sirius loved the place. It gave off warm and fuzzy vibes. He wandered aimlessly through the shelves, sliding records in and out of their slots.

After about half an hour he ended up picking out three more to add to James and his growing collection. Making his way to the cash register Sirius heard an exchange of voices. He was a little shocked to see a familiar flop of sandy brown curls when he turned an aisle. "Remus?" He ran a hand through his hair.

The boy turned and smiles broke across both their faces. "What are you doing here?"

Sirius held out his selection of records. "You?"

Remus gestured to stack of books on the counter. "Come here often?"

He chuckled lightly. "You could say that, couldn't you, Gus?"

The old potbellied man behind the counter chortled. "Yer easily me best customer."

Sirius turned back to Remus with a smirk and his eyebrows raised. "Hear that?"

"I mean I am standing right here."

"Hey!" Sirius faked offense, his face twisting into one of mock outrage. "No need to be a smart ass!"

Remus rolled his eyes at him but Sirius saw the pink that dusted his cheeks. "Bag em' for me would you Gus?" He said placing the records on the counter.

Gus scanned the records and did just that. "That'll be 8.88 pounds."

"Thanks," he said flashing the man a toothy grin. "Coming?" he asked Remus.

The other young man gave him a puzzled look but followed him out the store and down the street. Sirius held the door to his favourite diner open for the other boy to walk through first.

"What a gentleman," Remus fake gushed.

"I'd say I'd give Mr Darcy a run for his money, wouldn't you?"

They took their seat at a table for two and waited for someone to take their order. "Mm I don't know about that," Remus hummed.

"Pray tell Mister...?" It dawned on him that he didn't know Remus' last name.

"Lupin. Remus Lupin."

The name repeated itself in his head over and over again. _Lupin Lupin Lupin Lupin Lupin._ It was so perfect. _He_ was so perfect. _Lupin Lupin Lupin._ "Pray tell Mister Lupin," the way it rolled off his tongue was perfect, "why am I any less of a gentleman than Mr Darcy?"

"By definition a gentleman is a chivalrous, courteous, and honorable man," Remus recited.

Sirius put on a fake haughty accent. "And have I not proven myself to be all of those things?"

Following Sirius' lead Remus put on the same voice. "Go on and speak to me of your skills then."

"I am trilingual. I can fluently speak French, Italian, and of course English. I can play an assortment of instruments including the piano, guitar, and viol- " Sirius stopped on account of Remus shaking in his seat with laughter, eyes tearing up with mirth. "What?" he asked, dropping The Voice and using his own.

"It's like you're in a beauty pageant and you're in the interview portion." Remus' nose wrinkled, and it was one of the cutest things Sirius had ever seen. He had to sit on his hand to keep himself from doing something really stupid, like bopping it.

"I'd win that competition so hard!" He gave Remus a lopsided grin.

"Would you now?" The young mans mouth twitched.

"But of course!" Sirius exclaimed. "If wining and the power to gloat aren't motivation enough the prize certainly is."

"You mean the crown? Yes, I can see it now." Remus narrowed his eyes as if he were trying to imagine Sirius wearing a beauty pageant crown. "You'd look so regal."

"Well thanks," he said flushing, "but I'm not talking about the crown."

Remus' eyebrows lifted. "There's more?"

"Well what's a Queen without her King?"

"An independent woman?"

"She can still be an independent woman with her King! But during the competition they fell madly in love! Now she has to win his heart!" He has no idea what he's saying anymore but his ridiculous ideas are worth the smiles he draws out of Remus.

"Oh yeah and who's this dashing lad?" Remus asks leaning forward in his seat.

"The King you mean? Well only the most handsome man throughout all the land."

"And this man wins your heart and hand if you win the competition?"

"Oh I will win the competition. No if, ands, or buts about it," Sirius said crossing his arms across the table to lean on.

"I might have to go duel this guy."

Sirius blanches because what does that mean? But before he can ask there's a waitress standing in front of them asking if they're ready to order. Sirius glances down at the menu as if he hasn't been here a dozen times before and doesn't know all the options by heart before ordering scrambled eggs and bacon. The girl writes his order down on a pad of paper and turns to Remus who unlike Sirius has never been to the diner before and doesn't actually know what he's getting yet. Sirius sees the panic in the other boy's eyes as he's put on the spot and quickly jumps in. "He'll have the same as me." The girl nods and walks away from their table.

"Sorry," Sirius apologized feeling bad. "I should have said we needed more time."

"It's fine. I like eggs and bacon."

"Cool."

"Yeah."

Sirius grasps for another topic to end the awkward silence that's settling between them. "Which books did you get?" He asks, nodding to the bag Remus has.

He takes them out and lays them on the table between the two of them so that Sirius can read the titles. 'Watership down', 'Jane Eyre', and 'The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy'. "Pretty good selection."

Remus shrugged and put them back. "Lily _borrowed_ my copy of 'Watership down' and ended up losing it so I obviously had to buy a new copy."

Sirius bristled just a bit when the other boy mentioned the redhead. "Oh yeah. Obviously."

"Shove off."

"How's Lily?" he asked. Because he hated himself. Because he was a jealous bastard.

"She's good. Really fucking annoying about a couple things lately but I mean she's fine." Remus reached for a salt shaker and started fiddling with it, unscrewing and re screwing the top on and off.

"Oh yeah?" He was totally a fucking prick for hoping that Remus would want to break up with her over whatever it was. He was a really awful person.

"Yeah, but it's fine. She just wants the best for me."

Sirius nodded. "Of course."

"It's just at this point in my life I don't need someone hounding me about getting out of the house, exercising and eating healthy. You know? Like I have two jobs, school, and so much on my plate as it is. I don't need her nagging after me about having a social life and-" Remus stopped and grimaced. "Sorry. You probably have other stuff to think about without me dumping all my crap on you."

And yeah Sirius had a lot to think about but he wanted to learn more about the young man sitting in front of him. "If you need to vent go for it."

"Yeah?" He still seemed hesitant.

"I wouldn't say it if I didn't mean it," Sirius reassured him.

Remus gave him a small smile that made Sirius' insides feel warm and squishy. Then the waitress came back balancing two plates of steaming eggs and bacon. Sirius thanked her with his most charming smile, which made Remus snort. He raised his eyebrows, asking for an explanation.

"That smile gets you everything doesn't it?"

Sirius smirked, picking up his cutlery to dig in. "It's pretty helpful."

"You're a menace you know that," Remus said around a mouthful of scrambled egg.

"Maybe so."

"There's no maybe about it."

"Just be quiet and eat your damn bacon."

There was a short silence between them as they both scarfed down their food. A familiar tune started to play throughout the diner and Sirius held back for the first two verses but then they reached the chorus and he couldn't help but hum along.

Remus looked up at him, eyes going round. Sirius grinned widely and laughed through the bridge at the horrified look on Remus' face. Then he started to sing the lyrics quietly

_My thoughts are with you_  
_Holding hands with your heart to see you_  
_Only and love_  
_Remember, how we knew love was here to stay_  
_Now December found the love that we shared in September_  
_Only blue talk and love_  
_Remember, the true love we share today_

"Stop. We're in public." Remus' was beet red from second hand embarrassment. Sirius didn't see why, there was almost no one else in the diner.

"I know you know the lyrics," he teased.

"Sirius-"

"Sing with me."

Eyes wide Remus stuttered, "I- No- I can't sing!" He really did have unfairly pretty brown eyes. They looked kind of hazel today actually, Sirius thought. He couldn't tell if they were more green or brown. It depended on lighting and what colour he was wearing.

"Everyone can sing." Then he started singing louder and Remus buried his face in his hands.

_Bada Ya, say do you remember_  
_Bada Ya, dancing in September_  
_Bada Ya, golden dreams were shiny days_

Remus peered up at him as Sirius stood up and danced to the last part of the song, a little shimmy, a little swish, only sitting down when the song was over. "Oh thank goodness," Remus sighed. Sirius flashed him a grin and ate a strip of bacon. "You know I thought you were punk rock with your leather jacket, motorcycle, and long hair but you're a big dork, aren't you?"

Sirius choked on his bacon. "What?!"

"I'd bet money that you have one-man dance parties, cry over sappy films, and sing in the shower." Remus had a ginormous smug smirk on his face.

"I can't believe you-" Sirius sputtered. "I'll have you know that I am very punk rock."

"Nope. You, Sirius insert last name, are a major dork."

"Did you just say seriously just say 'insert last name'?"

Remus shrugged. "I don't know what it actually is so yeah I did."

"Okay so firstly, you are an even bigger dork. Secondly, it's Sirius Black ," he said ticking his points off on his fingers.

Remus gave him a conspicuous look of disbelief. " _Firstly_ ," he was doing the finger ticking thing too, Sirius couldn't believe he was mocking him, "for me to be a bigger dork than you you'd have to be a dork too. Secondly, I'm not sure I believe you."

"About you being an even bigger dork?"

"No," Remus shook his head, "about your last name."

"What? Why not?"

"Sirius Black? Nope. No way."

"Remus, what the heck?"

"'Sirius Black' just fits your whole sexy mysterious persona too well. I propose the conspiracy theory that you changed your name. You probably have a really soft last name but that didn't fit your whole badass image, so you changed it."

Sirius cackled. "A 'soft last name'?"

"Yeah like Smith or Angles." 

Sirius pulled out his wallet and removed his ID, handing it over to Remus to look at. The other boy squinted at it then handed it back. "Fake."

"Fake?!"

"Yep. Sirius Orion Black? Totally fake. Sirius is a constellation and so is Orion. Black like what? Like your angsty soul?" Remus scoffed.

"It's not my fault!" Sirius cried. "My parents chose my name not me!"

"Excuses," Remus tutted and waved his hand at him dismissively.

"Fine, what's your full name then?"

"Remus John Lupin." The young man in front of him over enunciated each name, smirking with his eyebrows raised.

"I don't know why you're giving me that smug look Mister Wolf Wolf." He laughed at the look of confusion on Remus' face.

"Huh?"

"Remus is the name of one of two twin brothers raised by a wolf in Roman mythology. Your last name, Lupin, is from the Latin Lupinus meaning 'of a wolf.' So basically, you are Mr Wolfman."

"And John?"

"What about it?"

"Well it's literally the most bland, basic name out there. Is there a singular way you can pick it apart? Because if not I win-" Remus stopped abruptly, his eye had caught on something behind Sirius, and he made a noise of excitement. He stood and strode over to a table behind theirs, when he turned around he was holding a Newspaper. Frankly Sirius didn't understand what the big deal was. When Remus sat back down he flipped through a few pages, scanning them quickly, before he found what he'd been apparently looking for. He moved aside his food and lay down the paper, pointing. "Look! Crossword!"

Sirius stared at the puzzle, then up at the young man before him who was grinning from ear to ear. It was adorable. "You're such a fucking nerd," he said. The words were muffled because he'd buried his face in his arms because he could feel himself blushing and because he just knew that if Remus saw his face he'd know. He would see through Sirius and he would know about the colossal crush he had for him and he would give Sirius a pitying look, or maybe he was homophobic, and he'd look at him with disgust, and he'd tell Sirius what he already knew, that he was straight and-

"I bet I can get more words than you," Remus challenged him.

"Oh it's on!" Sirius shoved his plate aside and leaned forward.

-x-

Several crosswords later, once they'd finished and payed for their food, Sirius leaned back in his chair. "Ready to go?"

Remus wiped the corner of his mouth with the back of his hand. "Yeah, I'm just going to go to the lavatory," he said, standing up and pushing his chair in.

"Sounds good. I'll wait outside, want me to take your books?" Sirius offered.

"Thanks," Remus nodded before turning around and heading to the back of the diner.

Sirius stood and picked up Remus' bag, he waved to their waitress on his way out. The door swung open easily, the weather outside looked warm and sunny from the comfort of the diner but stepping outside the wind immediately swept through his hair, blowing it in every direction. Sirius' thoughts on the cold were quickly forgotten when he saw a familiar tall, dark, and brooding figure walking his way. He thought about going back into the diner behind him, but the young man had definitely already seen him. Sirius chewed on the inside of his cheek as he got closer.

"Sirius," the young man said in a form of greeting, clearing his throat awkwardly, and shoving his hands into his surely very expensive long black coat.

"Regulus, how are you?"

"The same as usual." Regulus shrugged, it was a smooth gesture that moved only his shoulders. Sirius could help but note how very different it was from James' full-bodied shrugs. "Yourself?"

"I'm well. It's been awhile little brother, have you grown?" When he'd run away Regulus had still been a rather small and skinny teen. Up until a couple years ago he'd still been quite thin and short. Now though he'd grown to be even taller than him by at least a few inches. His face was porcelain pale and handsome, much like Sirius'. But his black eyes were tired, and the fairness of his skin only made the eyebags beneath them stand out more. His mouth dragged down at the corners into a frown, like he didn't smile often and so that was just the way his mouth had learned to bend. He looked gaunt. His brother's appearance made something sad stir in his chest, he shouldn't look like this. Is this how he'd have looked had he stayed with his parents?

"I'm twenty years old, Sirius. I believe I'm quite done growing."

"Maybe it's the hair then."

The taller man snorted. "You're one to talk about hair," Regulus said, but Sirius didn't miss the self-conscious hand Regulus lifted to his gelled back black hair.

It was Sirius' turn to snort and he couldn't help but let the corner of his lips curl up. They were different in so many ways, though they hadn't always been, they both knew this. However, every time they saw each other Sirius felt some sort of brotherly fondness spread through him. After all, it wasn't his little brothers fault their parents were traditional, pompous, pricks. They seldom saw each other anymore, ever since Sirius had run away he saw Regulus maybe twice a year tops. He was sure his parents were terrified that he'd corrupt their youngest son and last worthy heir. He missed him, missed the boy he'd grown up with.

The door opened behind him and Remus walked out of the diner to stand beside him. Anxiety spiked within Sirius when he saw Regulus sizing him up. His brother's eyes went round like something had just dawned on him. Regulus' questioning eyes met his own.

"Sirius is this your new...?"

"What?" His brows furrowed in confusion.

"But how long has it been since Oliver-"

Sirius caught on to what the younger man was implying. He thought that he and Remus were together?!

"No! Christ, Regulus!" He glanced over at the other man who looked like he had no idea what was going on. How could he? Remus didn't know who Regulus was and he probably couldn't piece the conversation of half sentences together very well.

"Well how am I to know?"

"No, Remus and I are..." He didn't know what they were. Were they friends, acquaintances? He wasn't sure. "Just no." His face was blazing with embarrassment.

Regulus grimaced and looked away. "So, er- I'll see you."

His stomach dropped out, he felt an emptiness begin to spread inside him. He didn't want Regulus to go, didn't want him to go back to his parents, didn't want him to leave, wanted to ask him to come stay with him and James. But he couldn't ask that. Sirius had made his choice, he had to let Regulus make his. "Bye."

When Regulus was out of hearing distance Remus faced him. "What was that about?"

"My brother." Sirius wasn't sure what else to say. Remus had a look on his face that told him the other man knew there was more. He was grateful when he didn't push for an explanation. Remus extended his hand and Sirius stared at it in confusion.

"My bag."

"Oh, right." He gave Remus his books.

They stood there, looking at each other, both men unsure of what to say. Remus spoke first, scuffing his shoe against the sidewalk. "Thanks for breakfast? Or I don't know, lunch I guess?"

Sirius' mouth twitched. "Brunch."

"Yeah, thanks."

"Anytime." What were they supposed to do now? Should he offer Remus a ride home?

"My cars around the corner." Remus gestured behind him, in the opposite direction of Sirius' motorcycle. "I'll see you around."

"Okay."

Neither of them made to move away. The wind whistled loudly, blowing Sirius' hair in his face. He reached up to tuck it behind his ear. He looked up at Remus who looked a bit pink, probably from the cold.

"Bye," Remus said suddenly, spinning on his heel and walking away.

Why was Sirius always left in the position of watching him leave?

-x-

Sirius lay across the sofa staring up at the ceiling when James walked in, glanced at him, and kept walking. "Sushi?"

"Sushi."

Sirius half listened as James called up the seafood place and put down their order. When he came back he sat in the chair across from him. "Wanna talk about it?"

"I'm not sure how I feel about 'it' yet. Hell, I'm not really sure exactly what 'it' even is to begin with," Sirius admitted, rubbing his face forcefully from frustration.

"Is it your parents?"

Sirius was quiet as he thought about his next words. "I ran into Regulus when I was out with Remus today."

"Out with Remus?" James repeated, surprised. "Like a date?"

"It wasn't on purpose. I went to the record store and he was buying books and I took him to the diner a few doors down. I don't know, I guess we talked for a bit. Then when we were leaving Regulus approached me. He kinda mentioned Oliver and asked if Remus was my new boyfriend. Which he isn't. Because he's straight and dating Lily. But I suck, I really suck James." He turned to face his best friend. "I'm a really shitty awful person who deserves to be alone. And who knows, maybe I will be, alone forever-"

"Siri, you're spiraling," his best mate told him, a gentle look on his face. "What'd mum say about balanced thoughts?"

"Fuck balanced thoughts," Sirius cursed, dragging his hands through his hair. "I have a gigantic goddamn crush on this boy and I can't get him out of my fucking head! I spent the day with him James. He wrinkles his nose when he laughs like he's shy about it, which sounds cute, and don't get me wrong it is, but it's also stupidly hot! When he laughs and his nose does that little thing literally every logical thought flies out of my head and all I can think about is kissing him. Then he goes and says something clever and witty and I still want to fucking kiss him. He's got these little smirks and these other big happy grins. All of it just makes me feel like I'm fucking melting. When I'm around him he's constantly taking my breath away and it's exhilarating but he's straight." Sirius reached for a sofa cushion and covered his face with it. "FUCK!" The pillow barely did anything to muffle the shout. Sirius dropped the pillow and looked up at James who had a pained expression on his face. "I keep telling myself that it's fine. He's a good guy and we can just be friends, bros, pals but then he goes and gives me a sweater that smells like him because he spilt hot chocolate on my shirt and I change into it whenever I get home and when I go to sleep and that is just so incredibly wrong because he has a girlfriend, you know? And I keep reminding myself of that but his sweater smells like lemons because of whatever hair product he uses and tea for whatever reason and it drives me fucking insane!" Sirius ran frustrated hands through his hair, tugging at it until he felt the pull at his roots. "It shouldn't be possible to like someone this much when you're not even with them. I'm so _stupid_ James!" His voice cracked and that's when his eyes started to water. "Fuck!" the curse was weaker this time, watery.

James was quiet for awhile, unsure of what to say to a clearly very distressed Sirius. "You're not stupid Sirius. What you're feeling isn't stupid. Inconvenient and maybe a little annoying but not stupid." Sirius was watching him with wet eyes so he went on. "It bloody sucks that you've fallen for a guy who might not return the sentiments you have for him."

"Unrequited love is the most painful thing in the world," Sirius stated. Then upon realising what he'd just said he rushed out his next words. "Not that I love him. That's not- I mean the feeling, whatever it is, surely not love, is unrequited. Sure. But um, I didn't mean to imply that I loved-"

"Sirius-"

"-Remus. That's not what I meant. I just meant-"

"Sirius!" James stopped him. Sirius caught his breath and waited for his best mates next words. "It's okay, whatever you feel, it's alright. What's that saying? 'The heart wants what it wants'?"

Sirius sniffled loudly and rubbed at his nose with his sleeve. He gave James a weak smile. "Yeah, I suppose it does."

"You will not be alone forever by the way. Life dealt you a shit hand of cards and I'm sorry that your parents are scum," Sirius chuckled a bit at that, "they are!" James exclaimed. "They're intolerant, bigoted, prejudiced people and you didn't deserve the way they treated you. I hate that even though they're hardly a part of your life anymore their presence in this world still casts a shadow over your life, even after all these years. I wish you could see that you don't need them, you don't need to live up to the standards they have for you. You're worth so much more than them."

The tears in Sirius' eyes threatened to spill over onto his cheeks again, but this time for a different reason. He was so lucky to have James. So incredibly blessed to have him and the Potters in his life. "Thanks James," was all he could manage, but he knew, in the smile that his bespectacled friend gave him, that he understood. That he could read between the lines of his words, and saw how appreciative he really was, even if he couldn't express it very well.

"You deserve to be happy Sirius."

The two of them nearly jumped out of their skin when the phone started ringing. James jumped up and hustled to pick it up.

"Expecting a call?" Sirius found it in himself to joke. James didn't answer but wiggled his eye brows, as he picked up the phone, which he supposed was answer enough.

The person on the other side of the phone spoke and the flirty expression dropped off of James' face immediately. He cleared his throat, "Hey mum-" Sirius howled with laughter to which James shot him a glare. "I'm pretty good I was just- yeah, Sirius is good too."

He turned over onto his stomach and listened to James' half of the conversation.

"School is good... Yes, okay we'll be over for dinner soon-...Not this week- because this week is dedicated for exam prep...Not next week cause that's exam week-...Yes...yeah ... The week after...okay mum...love you too. Yep, I'll give Sirius your love- No, I won't give him a kiss on the cheek for you...because I'm not a homo... sorry I didn't mean it like that... Yes, I know...Sirius knows I'm only joking...I won't say it again... sorry...Bye mum!"

He put the phone down and went back to the arm chair he'd been sitting in. "Ready for exams?"

"Fuck no!" Sirius laughed.

"Me neither."

"We'll suffer through them together like we always do."

"Cheers."

-x-

It was five after noon, which was when Sirius took his break and came to the café to see him. _No, he comes for the hot chocolate_ , Remus corrected himself. He tried not to feel embarrassed that for the last five minutes his head had snapped up to the door every time a new customer had walked in. He tried to not feel too disappointed when someone who wasn't Sirius walked in. He tried not to pay too much attention to the surge of excitement that went through, or what it meant, him when he finally did.

The moment his eyes landed on the other young man though a small frown curved his lips downward. He gave Sirius a once over. Okay, so something was definitely wrong. The heavy purple bags beneath his eyes indicated sleep deprivation. He noticed that the other man had swapped his usual skinny jeans and leather jacket for sweats on sweats, which made him look really warm and cuddly. While Remus appreciated this cozy look he knew that under normal circumstances this was not at all something Sirius would usually wear in public. His hair was tied up into a bun, but it wasn't the effortlessly attractive kind of look it usually was. His hair looked greasy and he had a few pimples on his face, which he knew was normal for most people their age, but this was Sirius and he was not most people when it came to skin care.

"Your regular I'm assuming?" Remus asked in a teasingly tone, testing the waters.

Sirius laughed but he thought it sounded forced. "Not today. Coffee please. The biggest size you have."

He frowned, Sirius never ordered coffee. "Uh okay. That'll be 1.14 pounds."

Sirius pulled the money from his wallet and dropped it on the counter.

"You okay?" Remus asked finding that he was unable to keep the worry from his voice.

"Huh?" Sirius blinked and looked away, avoiding eye contact. "Oh yeah I'm great. Swell. Spiffy. Smashing."

 _Oh geez. Has someone died?_   "You look awful," he said bluntly. He mentally kicked himself.

"Wow, thanks man. Just what I wanted to hear. You really know how to make a guy feel good about himself."

Remus raised his eyebrows. "You always order a hot chocolate, what gives?"

"Well if you really must know it's the last couple days before exam week and I'm rethinking all my life choices."

 _Of course! How had he not guessed?_ "Yikes, alright. Go sit down. I'll bring it to you," he said ushering Sirius to his usual booth.

"Thanks." Sirius gave him a tired, appreciative smile and Remus melted a little bit on the inside.

He turned around to Peter. "Could you take over the cash register for a bit?"

His friend nodded and stepped forward to take his place, but not before giving him a knowing look. Remus pointedly ignored it. He busied himself with Sirius' coffee then moved out from behind the counter and walked to the booth the other man had practically claimed as his own, what with all the time he spent sitting there with his work spread out before him. He made sure to walk slowly and carefully, paying attention to not spill the hot liquid. "Might want to let it sit for a bit," he recommended once he'd set it down before Sirius, who had his head down on the table but looked up when Remus spoke.

"I think I might just drop out of school and become an exotic dancer," he said bluntly.

Remus made an involuntary choking noise and felt his whole face burn bright red. He pushed away the images of Sirius in small pieces of clothing that barely covered his bits from his head as fast as possible.

Sirius smirked a bit at his face, which Remus was sure looked ridiculous. "You good?"

"Never better." His voice came out higher than usual. At least Sirius had a smile on his face now he told himself.

The other man just snorted at that and put his head back in his arms. "I might take a power nap. Could you wake me up in like fifteen?" The words came out muffled.

Remus shifted awkwardly from foot to foot. "Uh sure but you just ordered a coffee. I'm pretty sure that'll keep you awake'"

"Oh yeah."

In the silence that followed he noticed something else about Sirius that further indicated that he was very much not taking care of himself. "You're shaking."

"Yeah." Even Sirius' laugh shook. "I may have had one too many energy drinks."

Bloody hell this guy was gonna run himself into the ground. "You really have to rest."

"I can't."

"Why not?"

"I have to study. I don't know anything," Sirius replied, sounding miserable. He lifted his head and rubbed roughly at his eyes.

"I highly doubt that's true."

"It is. I'm going to fail and I won't get a good job and I'll have to live on the street and be homeless and-"

Remus sat down across from him at the booth and took both of Sirius' hands in his own. The other man immediately stopped his rambling and looked at him, wide eyed.

"You're not going to live on the streets, Sirius. I'm sure you won't even fail your exams," he tried to sound as reassuring as possible. "I've seen how much you study and how much time and effort you put into your work. And look even if you don't pass you can take the course again. It'll be okay, things will work out."

Sirius stared at him, then glanced down at their joined hands. Remus quickly pulled his away and shoved them under his thighs before he did anything else stupid and impulsive with them. "Sorry, you seem like the kind of person who would be comforted by physical touch. I didn't mean to be weird." He started to get up because there was no way he hadn't ruined things between them.

"Remus?" Sirius' voice sounded low and raw and rough and damn if that wasn't a really big turn on for Remus.

"Yeah?" He'd deny that voice crack to his grave.

Sirius' hands wrapped around the cup of coffee Remus had brought him. "Thank you. For the coffee and for the pep talk. I really needed it. The latter I mean." A crease appeared on his forehead. "Also, the former actually. I'm running on like an hour and a half of sleep right now."

"No problem," a shy smile slipped onto his lips. "Anytime."

"And, uh, last thing. You didn't make it weird so don't worry. I think physical touch does help me. It feels kinda grounding," Sirius admitted.

Remus bit down on his bottom lip to keep himself from beaming like an idiot. He nodded and quickly turned around to get back to work before Sirius saw the dopey expression he was wearing that would surly give away his feelings. He wasn't quite ready to confront that yet.

-x-

Sirius had spent the last week or so in an energy drink and caffeine induced haze of studying and exams. He couldn't say that he remembered showering once in all that time but no one else had to know that. However, thank sweet baby Jesus, exams were over and so apparently was any good weather. It had been raining heavily for the last three days that he and James had spent recovering at the Potters house. As soon as their last exam had finished they'd stumbled back to their flat to pack overnight bags, hail a taxi, and crash at James' parents place. Euphemia and Fleamont had been treating them like kings with all the rich food they'd been making. It felt amazing to have a break from all the stress and get a good night's sleep. When the both of them felt like their brains could actually kind of properly function again they'd dragged themselves out of bed and down to the dining room table where dinner was set up.

"It's nice to have you boys finally gracing us with your presence," Fleamont teased them, the expression on his face looked exactly the same as the one James wore whenever he was joking around.

"We were feeling lazy tonight and ordered Chinese," Euphemia admitted. "Hope that's alright with you boys."

"Did you get the chicken or beef chow maein?" Sirius asked, sitting forward in his seat eagerly and looking over all the foam containers of steaming food.

"Beef, of course," Fleamont chuckled.

Sirius quickly filled his plate with a bit of everything and dug in. He and James barely spoke a word until they were done with their first helping. Once they were taking seconds they started partaking more in the conversation that the parents were having.

"So how's Minerva doing lately?" Euphemia inquired.

"Dunno," Sirius replied honestly. "Seems like she's doing well when we do see her but she isn't in to work too often these days."

"I think she trusts us more to keep things running smoothly," James commented, licking sauce from his finger tips.

"Well that's certainly good to hear," Fleamont nodded. "We should try and get together with her over the holidays."

Euphemia nodded at her husband's suggestion. "I'm proud you boys stuck with it. At least now your resumes won't be completely void of prior work experience." Fleamont chortled and James gave them both a betrayed look. "Now James you know I was only joking around." His mother ruffled his hair affectionately.

"Hmph." James scowled but wasn't fooling anyone. They all knew he was a big mamas boy.

"Stop your pouting and tell us about how schools going. Do you think exams went alright?"

Both boys groaned and shared the same pained expression. "I don't even want to think about it," Sirius moaned.

James' parents laughed at them. "You two are always so dramatic. You should have gone to an arts school for acting, the both of you. What a waste of natural talent."

"Yeah, yeah. Har bloody har. We just love being the the butt of your jokes." James rolled his eyes.

"So happy our struggle is entertaining to you," Sirius added.

"Well neither of you are bringing up anything more amusing," said Euphemia.

Fleamont raised his eyebrows at them over his cup of scotch as he took a sip. Putting his cup down he said, "Yes, tell us about your friends and the parties."

"Awh Dad, we don't go-"

"We aren't clueless, James." His parents chortled. "We know all about the stuff you get up to. We were your age once you know."

"Younger than you actually, when we met," Fleamont said, smiling at his wife. Euphemia gave her husband an affectionate look and James pretended to gag.

Then his eyes lit up. "That reminds me actually," James started, grinning slyly, he gave Sirius a look that made him feel uneasy. "Sirius has met someone."

"No I haven't! James' brain is still melted from exams," Sirius panicked.

"His name is Remus and Sirius here is absolutely head over heels." James leaned back in his chair, a huge smug toothy grin pressed across his face.

"He's straight," Sirius blurted.

"Debatable." James shrugged.

"Except it's not." He glared at his best mate.

"I'd say it is."

Sirius rolled his eyes. "You're a traitor you know that? A no good filthy-"

That's when Fleamont stepped in, raising a hand and clearing his throat. "Sirius how do you know he's into birds?"

"Cause he's dating one," he said, feeling choked, but the words came out hard and blunt, more or less the way he'd hoped they would. He felt the heat rising high in his cheeks.

"James, I'd say that's evidence that's hard to argue with," Fleamont leaned forward, rotating his wriste to swirl the liquid in his cup.

"We don't _know_ they're dating!" The bespectacled boy argued, waving his hands in the air dismissively.

Sirius scoffed. "I've seen them interact way more than you have."

"You also spent a whole afternoon with you on what sounded like a pretty gay date."

"I told you all this in confidence," he hissed.

James lifted his hands. "If anyone can help you it's mum and dad."

Sirius looked down at his knees. "I don't need help," he grit out.

James bit his lip. "Remus is the first guy you've liked at all since Oliver and I don't think you should just give up on him."

Sirius went still, everyone at the table did. He could hear his blood rushing in his ears and his heart was lodged in his throat, choking him. Tears swelled without warning in his eyes and he felt anger rise up within him. He looked away from James, he couldn't meet anyone's eyes, and without another word he pushed his chair back and walked out of the room.

-x-

He was high but not high enough to be able to completely ignore his niggling disappointed thoughts in himself for getting high. Unfortunately he was just sober enough to recognize that he'd made a stupid impulsive decision just because he was stressed and angry and sad and that he would probably regret it when he was less high. He was currently hiding up on the manors guest room balcony, up up up in the sky, the sky was a deep blue ish indigo and spattered with glistening twinkling stars. There were so so many more of them out here than in the city with all its light pollution. The air he breathed into his lungs was cool, crisp. Sirius tilted his head back and time raced around him as he breathed in and out, deep deep breaths of air, and stared at the shinning stars over his head.

He was so hyper focused on them that he only realized that someone had discovered him in his hiding place when they huffed a curse and took a seat beside him.

"Christ it's cold as fuck up here! What are you doing sitting in the snow like this without so much as a coat ?" Euphemia demanded, the snow crunched under her weight. He came around a little more then, his fingers felt numb, so did his toes.

He leaned over a bit and his full weight crashed into the womans shoulder as he lost his balance and leaned into her for support. "I am _so_ high right now!" Sirius whisper-yelled shrilly, staring wide eyed up at her face. The expression she made proceeding his declaration made him giggle hard. His fit of laughter lasted longer than it probably usually would have.

Her eyebrows were up in her hairline. "Yes, I can see that," she said pressing her lips together.

"Don't be mad at me maman," Sirius said pouting. Her face couldn't seem to decide on an expression, spasming between disappointment, affection, sadness. "You should try it, help you loosen up. You feel better feelings when you're high. High as a kite, up in the sky." He paused, looking up up up. "Or stars. High, _higher_ than stars." Then he snapped his gaze back to her, so fast he heard his neck crack. "I feel like I could jump off the balcony and instead of falling I'd just float!" He was standing and approaching the railing without really deciding to. "FUCK YOU GRAVITY!"

A hand gripped his arm tight and hauled him away from the edge. He didn't fight it, just fell back into the snow, laying down. Some of it trickled down his back. It wasn't a wholly uncomfortable feeling.

"Maybe don't try that." Maman said shaking her head as she took up her spot beside him again. "If you do you'll either break a lot of bones or even possibly die."

He quirked an eyebrow. "Have you tried?"

"Jumping off the roof? Heavens no."

"So how would you know?" Sirius asked, smiling smugly at his logic.

She stared at him blankly. "Common sense."

"Common sense isn't that common," Sirius hummed.

At this maman chuckled, her shoulders shook. The action reminded him a lot of James. "No, I suppose these days it isn't, is it?" He didn't answer, just looked up at the heavens and let his thoughts roll around in his head. Awhile later Sirius heard maman speaking again, it sounded far off. How had she gotten so far away? "Are you entering the stage of deep contemplation?"

"I don't know. Maybe. How long has it been?" His voice didn't feel like his own. It was a little odd, not entirely in a bad way though, he thought. Just different.

"You've been up here about an hour," she replied.

"That's it?!" That couldn't be right, could it? She must've been lying. But why would maman do a thing like that?

"How long did you think it'd been?"

"Longer."

"That'd be the drugs."

"The drugs," he repeated.

"They tend to alter your perception of time."

Sirius sighed heavily. "I hate time," he proclaimed, digging his fingers into the snow.

"Why's that?" He had to really focus on the words she was saying.

"It never goes as fast or as slow as you want it to."

"How do you figure?"

Sirius licked his lips and opened his mouth. But the words he thought he couldn't speak. He didn't know how to describe it really. Sirius pushed himself up, back into a sitting position. He paused and rolled words around in his head, then tried again. "When you want it to go slow because you're having the time of your life it always slips through your fingers like sand," he explained, holding his hands out and clenching them into fists, as if to clarify as he rambled along. "When you want it to zoom by because things are hard it goes like-- like _molasses_. You know the stuff papa likes to put on his crêpes." Euphemia's heart was all over the place as the young man in front of her whom she loved as much as her own son called her and her husband the French words for mom and dad. She wondered if he did it because he was so high that he was hallucinating his own mother and father. She didn't know if the drug he'd taken was strong enough to do that or not but it broke her heart. She'd always considered him something like a second son but they had never pushed to replace his parents. However, only God knew that if he ever asked them to hold those roles in his life they wouldn't hesitate. She wondered if he knew that. This beautiful young man that sat before her, so torn up inside, that she'd known for years and years since he'd been a boy, experiencing trial after trial, obstacle after obstacle, trauma after trauma. She tried to forgive and forget, tried to look for the silver lining in situations but some days she couldn't help but curse at the universe for the tests it kept putting before him. There was only so much a young soul like his could take. She wanted to reprimand him for abusing substances to feel better but she hadn't suffered half as much as him. He'd grown up in an abusive family, one she was sure she didn't know half the horrors he'd experienced from. He'd been kicked to the curb for discovering a part of himself. He'd lost his first real love to a long, slow, and painful death. Who was she to tell him he had to man up and deal with those losses sober. God knows she wouldn't be able to handle all that at this age much less his. So instead of giving him a piece of her mind she sat with him. Sat on the balcony in the cold winter night as snow soaked through her clothes and froze her skin. She hated that she couldn't do more, hated that she couldn't wrap him up in her arms and protect him from the world and all the hardships she was certain he still had to face in the years to come. But she couldn't do that, so she sat with him, hoping that maybe in doing so he would never feel completely and utterly alone. He needed to know that he had someone who loved him unconditionally. She really hoped he knew that.

-x-

When Sirius woke up the next morning he felt a bit disoriented. His memories of the night before were a little hazy. Sirius lay there for a few minutes regretting his existence. He was sober now, after a nights sleep, but thinking about last night made him not want to be. James had crossed a line by bringing up Remus and Oliver in the way he had, he buried his face in his pillow and tried to push away his feelings. He wished he had an off switch for them, a way to make them hurt less. Sirius groaned and rolled out of bed, heading to the bathroom to take a shower. As the water hit his back, rolled down his skin, he contemplated what had happened last night. He'd have to apologize the Euphemia and Fleamont. He wasn't sure how to proceed with James though. As big as then Potters house was he couldn't avoid his best mate, no matter how tempting it was to try, that wouldn't fix anything anyway. He shut off the water and stepped out of the shower. Wrapping a towel around his waist Sirius walked over to the duffle bag he'd packed his cloths in and riffled through it for a pair of sweatpants and shirt. He had it halfway over his head when he heard a knock at his door. "Come in," he grunted, his voice husky and deep from sleep. Euphemia entered his room holding a plate of strawberry jam smeared toast and a cup of berries.

"I heard the shower running and knew you were up, thought you might be hungry since it' s past noon," she said, putting the food down on his bedside table. He just stood there, Sirius knew what he had to say but wasn't sure how to begin. Before he could try though Euphemia was leaving the room.

"Wait!" he blurted. She paused and looked back at him. She must have seen him struggling with what he wanted to say next because her face filled with understanding. She closed the door and walked back into his room, taking a seat at the edge of his bed, Sirius joined her. "I'm sorry," he mumbled quietly, avoiding eye contact. "I uh shouldn't have done what I did last night here."

She was quiet for a minute. "Do you remember it?"

"Yeah, mostly, it's just weed."

"I wasn't sure."

"Thanks for sitting with me." Out of his peripheral vision he saw her nod.

"You know we love you no matter what, right?"

He looked up at her and gave her a weak smile. "Yeah, I know."

"Have you talked to James yet?" He shook his head.

She leaned over and kissed his cheek before standing up. "You boys will figure it out. You always do. Don't forget to eat." Then she left.

-x-

He scarfed down the food Euphemia had brought him and left his room to wander around the grounds. He wasn't avoiding James but he wasn't exactly looking for him either. Sirius wasn't sure what he'd say if he did find him. Was he supposed to say he was sorry? Turns out all the overthinking was for nothing though because James was the one who found him.

"Walk with me?" James asked

Sirius nodded and followed his best mate. They walked together in silence before James spoke up.

"I don't always think about what the repercussions of my actions," he started. "I don't think about how my words are going to make others feel before I say them. I guess what I'm trying to say is that I am sorry for bringing up Oliver last night. I'm sorry for telling my parents about Remus, that was for you to tell them about when you felt comfortable. I didn't think about how maybe you weren't ready for them to know. I just didn't think, that's the problem."

Sirius chewed his lip and absorbed his friends apology. He cleared his throat and said, "I know you were just joking around but it kind of sucks when you do that about stuff that I'm—that I'm sensitive about, you know?" he glanced up at James, who nodded to show that he understood. "Oliver—he passed away six months ago and I know that might seem like a long time to you, and it is better now then it was then, but it still hurts. He meant a lot to me. I also find it upsetting when you talk about Remus like dating him is the only way I'll ever move on and get over Oliver. I know he's gone okay? I've spent my time going through the stages of grief. I don't think it will ever will stop hurting completely, he was a big part of my life and he was important to me."

"I didn't mean--" James swallowed and looked him in the eye. "I'm so sorry Siri."

"I'd also appreciate if you stopped talking about Remus and I getting together like its obvious and inevitable and I'm just thick for not seeing it. You don't actually know what's going on and I legitimately don't think it's going to happen between us. I don't really want to get my hopes up just to have them crushed cause I do actually like him." When he ran out of words he exhaled deeply and shoved his hands deep into his pockets.

"You're right, I understand that. I just want the best for you, I just want to see you happy."

A small smile curved Sirius' lips. "I know."

James snorted and swung an arm around his friend's shoulder to pull him in and give him a noogie. Sirius struggled to get him off. "Stooooop!" he whined. "My hair-"

"Is already beyond repair." James snorted and let him go.

"Rude." Sirius pouted and glared at his best mate.

"Now maybe if you washed it and cut some of it off-"

"Oh fuck off won't you." James cackled. "As if your hair is any better," Sirius remarked.

James squawked in offence. "I'll have you know the ladies-"

Sirius couldn't help but smile to himself despite his friend's cocky remarks as they walked back to the house. They were back and things were right in the world.

-x-

They stayed at the Potters for the rest of the week before heading back home for the last week of the winter break. The holiday spirit was in the air as they drove back, Christmas carols playing on the radio in James' car. "Have you bought presents yet?" Sirius asked at a red light.

James glanced at him quickly before his eyes darted back to the road. The light turned green and he pulled forward. "Nope. Jeez Sirius, do you know me at all?"

Sirius nodded. "Yeah, no, me neither. It's fine though. We still have what? Three days?"

His friend used a hand to run a hand through his hair, pulling at the ends a bit. "We might be a little fucked," he proclaimed.

"We might be," he agreed solemnly. "You know, you would think that after all these years of waiting to the last minute to buy gifts we'd have learned by now. I mean I don't know about you but personally don't enjoy running around like a chicken with my head cut-"

"Wait, shuddup!" James exclaimed, interrupting him. Rude. "I love this song!" He turned the volume dial up almost all the way and a familiar tune filled the interior of the car.

_Grandma got run over by a reindeer_  
_Walking home from our house Christmas eve_

The two of them belted the lyrics for the remainder of the drive. When they pulled up outside they both got out and grabbed their duffels, James locked the doors before they headed up. "We have work this week, right?" he asked.

"Morning shift everyday except Christmas."

"Mm joy," Sirius hummed.

James snorted and froze outside their door. "Should we maybe start our shopping tonight?"

He groaned loudly, dropped his duffel on the floor and stretched his arms over his head. What Sirius really wanted to do was go into their flat, take his pants off and watch TV. However, he knew that if he did that he'd have to do his shopping tomorrow and he'd hate himself for not just getting it done now. "Fine," he grumbled. So James unlocked the door, they pushed their bags past the threshold and went back down to their car. "Where are we even gonna go?"

"The stretch of road we work on has a pretty big variety of stores?"

 _Remus is working right now_ , the totally helpful and not at all useless voice in his brain supplied him. It wasn't creepy that he knew the guys work schedule right? They've known each other for a few months now? _It's fine_ , he told himself.

"We're going to die!" Sirius yelled, gripping his seat.

"Shut up you moron, we're going to be fine."

"Why the fuck aren't you bloody indicating?!" he hollered, cursing loudly.

Sirius couldn't see his friends face but he could practically hear him rolling his eyes. "For fucks sake Padfoot, calm down would you?"

"Prongs, turn on your indicator!"

"Well why don't you sit your bloody driving test then you can drive us around?" James said pointedly. Sirius glared daggers at James who just ignored him.

"Why would I do that when I have my motorcycle?"

"So you'll stop criticizing my driving," James muttered under his breath.

"I'm just trying to make sure we don't die! Are you okay with that?"

"Jesus Christ, you're the biggest baby I know."

They pulled up at the bottom of the street and both got out on their sides and moving around to the safety of the sidewalk. "Okay so we start here and make our way down?"

"Mums gotten really into gardening recently actually so I think we should just go straight to 'Bailees Blossoms' for starters."

"Alrighty then. Let's get a move on shall we?"

They spent half an hour picking out gloves and tools for Euphemia and about the same time at the old records shop looking for something Fleamont didn't already have which was a pretty big challenge. James took after his dads large record collection and Sirius worried at first that they wouldn't find anything but ended up leaving with two collectors editions some guy in shorts came in with while they were there. Shorts. In December.

"So I have to buy your gift still?" James grimaced. "And I'm actually gonna buy some small things for some kids I have classes with. So meet back up at the car in like lets say half an hour?"

"Sounds good." Sirius put his hands in his jacket pockets and went off in the other direction. He walked past the café once, then twice. On the second time he spotted Remus through the window. Now that would have been fine if Remus hadn't glanced up at just that moment and seen him through the window as well. Upon seeing him Remus' face lit up and he waved coolly. He felt the butterflies erupt into existence in his belly at the sight. He'd kind of hoped and prayed over the last week that maybe not seeing Remus for a bit would make his feelings for the other man fade away. Evidently that hadn't happened. Abashedly, with a blush high on his cheeks, he walked into the café and made his way over to the cash register. "Hey man. What's up?" he asked, doing his best to sound calm and collected, not like he'd secretly been missing their interactions for the last week way more than he should have.

Remus leaned forward, some of his hair falling in his eyes, and god Sirius still so badly wanted to run his hands through those cinnamon brown curls. "You know that toad-ish looking lady? The one we've seen come in a few times? The really crabby one?" Sirius nodded. He was totally paying attention to what Remus was saying but he also was paying way more attention than necessary to taking in the boys holiday themed white and red Christmas sweater that hung off his lanky frame and made him look warm and soft. "There were two women holding hands in here yesterday while she was in here." Remus was already laughing at what came next. "Well she marched up to me, looking bloody pissed and she hissed 'Are you seeing this? We're in a public place and I don't want to drink my coffee while being forced to look at this disgusting behavior!' and I said, 'Ma'am please calm down.' But she wouldn't and she just kept causing a scene all, 'Are you seriously going to let them stay here? It's downright nasty. There are children here for heavens sake!' and I looked her straight in the eye-" he looked Sirius right in the eyes and for the life of him he couldn't understand how people could say that brown eyes weren't pretty because Remus' brown eyes were the prettiest eyes he'd ever seen "-and just said 'I'm gay.'" The world stopped spinning and Sirius swore his heart skipped a beat in his chest. Wait, what? "She shut up after that." Remus dissolved into laughter. When he noticed Sirius wasn't also laughing he stopped immediately, his eyes going wide. "Fuck. Er- are you homophobic?"

Sirius gaped. "What?"

Remus went really pale, and he wiped his hands on his slakes, like he was nervous. "I don't know why I assumed. I don't know why I told-" Remus continued to babble and Sirius knew he should say something, reassure him that he didn't care, that _he_ wasn't straight himself. But he was frozen in his spot. All at once he had so many questions and was simultaneously speechless, unable to say a word. Then a thought pushed itself to the for front of his mind. "I thought you were dating Lily," he interrupted.

Remus stared at him. "Are you serious? Lily and me? No way, she's my best friend. I love her and all but definitely not like that."

"Oh." What. the. _fuck._ So James was right. About one thing at least.

He zoned back in, realizing that Remus was still talking. "Well this is awkward. Do you like never want me to talk to you again? Is that what this is?"

Had he missed something? "What are you talking about?"

"Because if that's the case just say it now so we can get this over with."

He frowned. "Why would I never want to talk to you again?"

"A lot of people aren't okay with the whole gay thing?" Remus cringed.

"I'm gay."

"Oh," Remus blinked, "okay, cool."

Sirius laughed, actually laughed. He thought he maybe sounded a bit hysterical but he could hardly help it. For some reason he felt relieved. "So blokes?" he asked once he'd calmed down a bit.

Remus bit his lip. "Blokes and birds actually. Boys and girls. I'm bisexual."

Sirius nodded. "Like David Bowie!"

"Like David Bowie," Remus agreed laughing.

"Look man, love this bonding going on but I'm supposed to be Christmas shopping and I have to buy my best mate a gift in fifteen minutes. Any suggestions?"

"What's he into?"

"Music, girls..." he trailed off. Wow he was a crappy best friend. "I don't know."

"I thought you said he was your best mate?" Remus raised an eyebrow but he was smiling in a teasing sort of way.

"He is!"

"Okay look I can't help you out today but tomorrow I could go out with you to help find something," Remus suggested, was he imagining the blush on the other boys face? "That is if you want to?"

"Yeah, totally, sounds good. I'll meet you here after your shift ends?"

Remus smiled widely. "Cool beans."

"You're such a nerd."

"You're a bigger nerd," was Remus' come back.

Sirius snorted. "Your proof?"

“Oh my god! I just realized something!” the sandy haired man exclaimed loudly.  “That day we hung out and you were fangirling about Mr Darcy- oh my god!” he cackled. “You’re _so_ gay, how did I not see it?! You have a big fat gay crush on Mr Darcy! How did I ever think you were straight?!”

"First of all, who in their right mind _doesn't_ have a crush on Mr Darcy? Secondly, I thought you were dating Lily!"

"We're so stupid."

"Just a bit," he agreed smiling softly. "So I'll see you tomorrow?"

"Tomorrow." He grinned and winked before he could think too hard about it before turning and exiting the café. _Well there goes not getting my hopes up_ , he thought to himself.


	4. twelve questions

Remus was going to die. He was actually going to die. He wanted to scream he was so happy. Never not once had he ever been this excited or giddy about anything.

He heard the key in the doors lock. It squeaked open on it's old hinges. "Remus?" He turned at the sound of Lily's voice. She walked in, weighed down by plastic grocery bags. He made no effort to hide the stupidly big smile on his face. She gave him a bemused look as she set slipped her shoes off and made her way into the kitchen. "Alright, what happened, the last time you looked anything the way you do right now you'd just bought fifteen thrift shop sweaters. Please do not tell me you did that again because I've told you already Remus, we do not have the closet space for any more. I think that's something we need to talk about more, you have an actual obsession and it's problematic-"

"If you'd let me speak?" he interrupted.

Lily sighed. "Go ahead," she said, setting the bags down on the table.

"You know Sirius?"

"The guy you've been hopelessly pining after for a stupid amount of time? Yes, I am well aware of who he is," she said, picking up a bag and opening the pantry doors.

"He's confirmed gay."

Lily dropped bag to the floor in shock. "What?! When? How? Explain."

"This afternoon. He was shopping for Christmas and came into the café to say hi and we were talking and I accidently outed myself. I was kinda freaking out that he might have been homophobic because he just stared at me for awhile without saying anything afterward but then he just sort of blurted out that he's gay. So you know that's that," he said, wrapping it up.

"Holy shit Remus. This is so good."

"I mean I'm trying not to freak out too much because just because he's gay doesn't mean he likes me, but it means I have a chance you know?"

"Of course you do! I fucking told you, didn't I?!" she grinned smugly at him and left the groceries on the floor and instead walking to their alcohol cabinet and taking out a champagne she'd bought for Christmas. It was fine though, she could just buy more. "Come. Follow me," she told him, making her way down the hall to her room, alcohol in hand. "We need a plan. Also get glasses."

"A plan?" he yelled from the kitchen. She heard the sound of cupboards opening and closing.

She tossed the champagne on the bed and pulled off her coat, tossing it over her desk chair. Lily kicked off her jeans and tugged her fuzzy pajama pants on, feeling cozier already. She was settling onto her bed when Remus walked in holding two champagne glasses. He joined her on the bed and said, "again I ask, a plan? Care to elaborate?"

"Oh darling by the time we're through Sirius will be drooling after you." Lily grabbed a bottle green scrunchie that matched her eyes off her bedside table and pulled dark auburn hair up into a ponytail. Once it was secured she tried to pull the cork from the champagne, but she seemed to be struggling so Remus helped her out. It came off with a pop. "Now I'm really curious," he said mockingly.

"We need a plan to make him fall in love with you. Duh, dummy," she said like it was the most obvious thing in the world.

He laughed lightly and held out the glasses while she filled them, pouring pale bubbling liquid nearly to the brim. "What are you going on about?"

"Come on Remus! Please!" she begged. "Let me live vicariously through your love life won't you."

Remus snorted at his best friend's nonsensical ideas. "My love life is currently as pathetic as yours."

"The boy you like might like you back," she insisted as she took a long sip. "Your love life is way better than mine."

"What about the high guy?" he asked. She waved the hand that wasn't holding her champagne at him in a dismissive gesture, the liquid coming close to sloshing over the sides of her glass.

"This plan needs a codename," Lily declared.

"I'm still kind of confused about what the plan is to begin with," he confessed taking a sip of champagne.

She leaned backwards on her bed to put her glass on her bedside table. When it was safe she rolled off her bed and padded around to her desk. "We need a white board," she said.

"A whiteboard?" he questioned, not sure he had heard her correctly.

"That's what I said." Lily started moving the piles of paper around on her desk.

"Where are we going to get one of those."

"Dunno." Her miniature fan fell off her desk with a loud thump and she bent to pick it up and put it back.

"We may have to make do with a notepad and pen."

"That's so much less exciting!" she whined. "Ah well, we'll have one for our next heist," Lily sighed, turning back to him, holding a thick spiral bound notebook and glitter pink pen that had a fuzzy pink pom-pom attached to the end by a spring.

"This isn't a heist."

"We are planning on how I'm going to steal his heart aren't we?" Remus nodded and she poured herself more champagne.  "I'd say this is a heist."

"Fair enough," he agreed with her.

She sat back down across from him and flipped the notebook open. It was the one he'd gotten her for her last birthday. "So step one..." She uncapped the pen and hovered the tip over the page.

Remus chuckled. He couldn't believe they were plotting his love life. It was like the two of them were back in seventh year. "I'm going shopping with him tomorrow?"

Lily's emerald eyes widened, her mouth fell into a small 'o' shape. "Why are you only telling me this now?!" She exclaimed, giving him a betrayed look.

He gave her a half apologetic smile. "Sorry?"

"Hmph," she pouted. "You should be. But good job." She scribbled something onto the page that he couldn't read upside down.

"Thanks," he laughed as he refilled his glass.

"So tomorrow, where are you going?"

"Probably just around the neighbourhood? We're shopping for a Christmas gift for his best friend."

She hummed in acknowledgement to what he'd said. "High guy?"

"I'm pretty sure that's the one." He watched Lily contemplate this for a bit. Remus could pinpoint the exact moment the idea came to her head, the moment the light bulb went off. It was almost comical. "Oh no. I know that look. What are you thinking?"

Her eyes sparkled and the corners of her lips twitched until they finally settled on curving upwards. "Why don't you invite them to our holiday party?"

His smile faded. "Are you kidding? No way," he said immediately.

Lily pursed her lips together and sulked. "Aww Remus why not?"

"Because," he searched for a reason why that'd be a bad idea, "just no. It'd probably be really awkward."

"It would not," she told him frowning and writing something else down in her notebook. He tried again to read it but his attempt was futile. Her writing was messy even when it wasn't upside down and there was no way he could make out anything in pink glitter. "You just have relationship anxiety."

His mouth snapped shut and he scowled because yeah, that was it. "So maybe I do."

"So what you're just never going to have a romantic relationship?" She sent a massive exasperated eyeroll his way but he chose to pointedly ignore it.

"I'll just become The Cat Lady. You know the lonely, grouchy old one that lives by herself save ten plus feline companions? That'll be me," Remus said sighing and falling back into the bed so he was star fished across it.

"Shut up you ball of angst. You're already The Cat Lady," Lily snorted. "But this guy gives off the kinda vibes that tell me he's into that kinda weird. He seems kinda like a cat lady himself. You guys are perfect for each other."

"That sounded so weird," he said grimacing. But she wasn't wrong. He closed his eyes.

"Shut up and go with it. Please invite him?"

"I'll think about it."

"I'll settle for that." He heard her scratch some more with her pen onto the page. It took her a moment before she spoke again. "So tomorrow what should we help him get high guy?"

"I don't know. The only time I've ever really seen the guy was that time we were buying Marlene her birthday gift."

"Mm we'll have to think on that." Remus snorted and heard her take a large drink of champagne. "Stop laughing, that's not a crucial part of The Plan anyway."

"It's not?" He cracked an eye open and looked over at her.

"No, it'll just be an added bonus if high guy gets a good gift. We just need to focus on getting you and Sirius together. That's what really matters." She thought on this for a bit then smiled like she'd just had a brilliant idea. Only it wasn't because her next words were, "I think maybe The Plan is gonna be my Christmas gift to you."

"You haven't gotten me a gift yet?" Remus exclaimed.

Lily grimaced. "No?"

"Worst best friend ever!" He chucked a throw pillow at her.

"Not if this works!" She said, doing her best to block the throw and also keep her drink from spilling.

"Not if this works," he repeated. "I'll maybe forgive you then."

"So here's The Plan. Sit up." He huffed moodily but complied. "Tomorrow when you're out buying high guy a gift you'll also be seducing Sirius. You have to be a gentleman, the full works, okay? Hold doors open for him, give him your coat if he gets cold--"

"If he doesn't bring a warm enough jacket I'm not giving him mine. He should have checked the weather before he left the house. Let him freeze his ass off. That'll teach him," he said sarcastically. Not wearing enough layers to look punk rock was totally something the other man would do. Lily however was not impressed and didn't see eye to eye with his logic as she was giving him an irritated look. "What?"

"Look dummy, when the two of you are happily dating and bickering like an old married couple and this relationship is solidified you can do that. Not tomorrow though, got it?" She pointed a threatening finger at him. "You are trying to court him. You want him to like you. So please promise me that if he gets cold you'll give him your goddamned jacket."

"Fine."

"Fabulous. So keep a note of that, yeah? Gotta make sure the bloke is charmed. Also eye contact. Do lots of that. You always look away when you get nervous but you can't be doing that. There was some study I read about eye contact making people feel secure around you or something, like they've know you for a long time and they can trust-"

"Eye contact. Got it. Next?"

She stood up from her bed again and moved to her closet, talking as she went. "Buy him a drink or a snack or something."

"Why?"

She was crouched on the floor now, head in her clothes. "It'll make things seem more date ish," was her muffled reply.

"What if he's not hungry?" Remus asked what he thought was a perfectly valid question.

"Convince him he is," she said, sticking her head out of her closet long enough to give him a 'duh, are you stupid?' look. When Lily stood up she was holding a small plastic basket of nail polish. She brought it back to the bed with her, setting it down she started to go through it, small glass bottles of varnish clinking together.

"I'm not sure that's actually how it-"

"Stop. I know these things." She held a bright blue polish up to the light, shook her head, kept digging through the colours. "Next is casual subtle touching."

"Sorry, what?" He must have misheard her.

"Like touch his arm or shoulder casually when talking to him or something like that," she explained to him. She held out a yellow for his opinion. It was an ugly pale colour so he shook his head. "Or when you're sitting you can _accidentally_ keep nudging his leg with yours. Like bump his foot or brush his knee."

"Like subtle?"

"Yeah, but like 'subtle', you know?" she winked. Finally Lily selected a vibrant pink and set the basket aside.

"Why can't I just act like myself?"

Again she gave him that 'are you stupid?' look. "You want him to swoon don't you?" He snorted. "Don't you?!" she demanded as she unscrewed the brush from the bottle.

"Yeah, yeah, whatever."

"Don't 'whatever' me, buddy," she pointed the nail polish brush at him like a threat. "You'll be thanking me later."

"Uh huh. Sure Lil."

"Did we finish the champagne?" she asked when she'd finished her first foot.

He glanced over at the bottle. "Yeah."

"Wanna start on the stuff I bought for Christmas?"

He inhaled and exhaled dramatically. "I don't really want to get up."

"Well I'm doing my nails." She had her tongue stuck out as she concentrated on keeping the paint from getting on her skin.

"You suck," Remus said and rolled off the bed, legs first. When he stood up fully his head swam with stars and he had to blink several times to clear his head.

"You suck more," Lily responded.  "Want me to do yours next?"

"Toes?" His polish from last time had mostly chipped off and definitely needed to be refreshed.           

"Sounds good," she said, narrowing her eyes as she focused on her own nails. "Pick a colour when you get back."

"Alright be back in a jiffy."

-x-

The next day it turns out Remus didn't have to worry about giving up his coat because Sirius showed up in a reasonably warm one. What he didn't bring however was a hat, scarf, or mits. He had his chin tucked into the collar of his coat and his hands pushed deep into his pockets. Upon seeing Remus a smile split across his face. "Hey man. Thanks for coming."

"Yeah, of course," Remus said, already blushing as he tried not to pay too much attention to how adorable Sirius looked with a pink nose and ears.

"I was hoping we could buy some food?" Sirius suggested. "We could maybe brainstorm while we eat? If that's okay with you?"

"Sure. You craving anything in particular?"

Sirius cleared his throat. "There's a really good pancake house just up the road if you like those?" Gesturing to the left, where he assumed the place was.

Remus pulled a face. "Who doesn't like pancakes?"

The other man laughed easily and Remus looked over and saw his grey eyes twinkling with mirth. "Monsters?"

Remus chuckled in reply. "True."

They began to make their way down the street and Remus spotted a sign outside advertising "Pat's Pancake House." The walk was short but Sirius shivered viciously beside him the whole way. In that moment he found himself wanting to remove his coat and wrap the other man up in it, despite his refusing to do so to Lily last night. When they neared the entrance he remembered the other things his best friend had told him to do and he quickly moved forward to hold the door open for Sirius.

"Thanks," Sirius shot him a grin. The moment they were both through the door a young girl dressed in a bright mustard yellow and red lined waitress uniform was standing in front of them looking deeply distressed. "Do you have a booth for two?" Sirius asked, holding up two fingers.

"Yep, right this way. If you'll follow me." She was off before they could reply. The girl lead them to a booth at the front of the diner. "Here you go. I'll let the both of you settle. Be back in a jiffy to collect your orders." Then she was gone. They exchanged a look and smothered their laughter so she wouldn't hear them.

"Okay so," Sirius started as they sat down and took off their winter wear. "brainstorming." His eyes danced across the table before he snatched up a napkin. He unfolded it and spread it out, then started to dig around in his coat pockets for something.

"Watcha looking for?" Remus asked.

Sirius made a sound of triumph and held up a pen. "Voila!" He bent over the table and scribbled something onto the napkin. When he was done he turned it so Remus could see what he'd written. At the very top read: 'word vomited random gift ideas for prongs.' Sirius' messy cursive was endearing in a way that handwriting had no right to be. The way his chest warmed was totally unreasonable. Evidently however his body didn't care about what was and what wasn't reasonable.

"Prongs?" he asked curiously.

"James' nickname," Sirius explained.

"I see," he murmured even though he didn't really.

"So just whatever pops into your head I'll write down," the other man said gesturing to the napkin.

"Whatever?" He hadn't meant for it to sound dirty but unfortunately that's the way it sounded coming out. Thankfully it made Sirius laugh.

"Nothing that could be classified as like rated R."

Remus debated making a dildo joke but decided against it. "Okay, you have to tell me if I'm getting it at all right though."

"Will do. Go."

"Er- face masks? Uh, floofy slippers? Goofy pajamas? Hair product?"

Sirius' whole face lit up. "Yes! To all of that! Where have you been all my life when I've had trouble gift buying?" Remus could feel the blush rise on hot on his face. "No, seriously. We should make him like a gift basket with all these things. What else you got?"

He chuckled nervously. "Is there a specific band he likes, records are always good? Posters? Is he into clothes? Maybe get him a new jean jacket? Some iron on patches?"

"All of this. Just yes. You are an actual genius."

"Thanks?"

"Okay, so I have no clue where to get these things but we'll figure it out," Sirius said optimistically recapping his pen.

"I know where some things can be located," Remus chewed on his bottom lip and thought, and maybe he'd just imagined it, he saw Sirius' eyes track the movement before he tore them away and back up to his eyes. "There's this place a few stores down that sells like beauty and comfort products. Then of course there's that music place about a block away-"

They debated brands, bands, and other parts of James' gift for half an hour over the pancakes they ordered. Remus burped after his last bite and Sirius snickered. "You full?"

"So," he said, leaning back in the booth.

"Ready to get started?" Sirius asked,

"Mhmm, for sure."

"Alright, I'll get the bill and we're off."

"Nah don't worry I'll pay," Remus said, digging into his coat pocket for his wallet.

"No, you won't. I was the one who dragged you out on my errands," Sirius argued.

"It's chill. I don't mind," he insisted.

The other man dug his heels in. "You're not paying."

He smirked smugly, laying his battered old brown wallet on the table. "I am."

"Remus, I appreciate the offer but I really do have it covered."

"We can split it," he offered.

"You're being ridiculous," Sirius complained.

"So be it." Sirius stared at him and after a moment his face softened. It made Remus feel weirdly vulnerable and suddenly both warm and awkward. On one hand he loved it when Sirius' face went all gentle like that. On the other hand why was he staring? "What?"

"How about this time it's my treat and you can take care of it next time?" he offered, mouth twitching upward. Next time. Like they'd be doing this again. Soon. Remus relented, unable to say anything he simply nodded. "Splendid."

Sirius payed and the two of them left the diner. They walked so closely that their arms brushed as they walked, sometimes a skim of the shoulder, or else a bump of the elbow. It made his stomach swoop. The feeling was the same as the one he'd had that one time he and Lily had travelled and come across a coaster park. The feeling of suddenly being weightless. Before he could stop the thought he was thinking, if he were to date Sirius would he always feel this way? Always feel like he was free falling?

-x-

Half an hour later Remus was holding a bag of beauty supplies, a shirt with a neon green stag on the front (which he assumed was an inside joke), and a rolled up beegees poster because apparently James was into them. Sirius had told him about this in an exasperated tone. Apparently he'd tried to get his best mate into The Sex Pistols or something else more _tasteful_ but apparently no luck. He'd lost Sirius off down some aisle looking for who knows what. Any normal person might have stopped after two or three or even four items, but every time Sirius came back with a new item and Remus asked if he was done the other man shook his head and muttered something about it not being enough. When was enough? Remus had stopped trying to guess. It took another couple minutes but he finally found him in the men's socks section. "You good?"

"Yeah," was Sirius' absent minded reply.

"What's wrong?"

Sirius turned to him with a slightly panicky look in his eyes. "He's going to beat me again."

"What?" He was so confused. What was happening now?

"James. Every single year he beats me. Not this year though. I have to find the ultimate gift or-"

He was only getting half of what Sirius was saying he was speaking so fast. "Whoa, slow down, tiger. Come again?"

The other man reached for his hair and tied it up into a loose bun as he spoke. It was like he had to be doing something at all times, to get the extra energy out, to release the tension and anxiety. "We kinda have a competition about who can get the other the best gift. I'm sick of James winning."

Okay so the crazed gift searching made a bit more sense now. "What does the winner get?" he asked curiously.

Sirius winced. "I mean nothing techni-"

"That's lame," Remus interrupted. "The winner should totally get _something_ or what's even the point? Also don't worry because now that I understand that bragging rights are at stake we're totally going to get him the best gift and you'll win," he said, trying to reassure Sirius so he'd relax at least a bit.

"James is really good," Sirius said dejectedly.

Remus didn't like the discouraged look on the other mans face. "I'll stay out with you until you're happy with your gift basket."

Sirius' face did relax then. "You're the best," he said smiling sincerely. This smile was so different from his typically cocky and arrogant one.

Remus felt like he was melting inside and turned away quickly as he fought away a string blush. "I know." The other man scoffed.

It took them another half hour before Sirius found what he deemed to be the best gift ever. Remus was a little skeptical, but Sirius was the one who was chums with High Guy- Er- James, he had to mentally correct himself. Sirius had spotted them when they had wandered into a children's toy store. He was grateful they'd found them when they had because he'd been able to tell that Sirius was losing steam and hope. They'd been walking side by side, past shelves of wooden train sets, marble runs, teddy bears and dolls. They reached the end of an aisle and were about to turn into another, going around one of those turning things full of beaded bracelets and the like when the other man had let out an ecstatic cry that had made Remus nearly jump out of his skin. "REMUS! I FOUND IT!"

"Bloody hell, Sirius quiet down," he said, hand over his heart. Surely, one way or another, Sirius was going to be the death of him.

"Look at them!" He shoved something shiny up into his face and Remus had needed to hold them back to make out what they were. Two necklaces, both had half a heart swinging off the end, one pink the other blue. The pink one read 'best' and the blue read 'friends.' They were really actually quite sweet, although slightly tacky. Of course Remus made sure to not say that last bit.

"Is this it?" Could this really be all Sirius been looking for? Something as simple as friendship tokens?

"Yes!" Sirius replied giddily clutching the necklaces in hand. "Come on I've gotta pay for them!" The slightly withered looking old man at the cashier didn't seem to think it was weird that a 23 year old man was buying friendship necklaces, instead making lively small talk with them and giving them a large smile as they left so Remus stopped second guessing the purchase. It was only when they stepped out of the store that Remus realized that this was where they parted ways. He felt his spirits drop immediately.

Sirius had a glum look on his face as he turned to him. "So thanks so much for helping me out today." His voice teeth shattered together as shivers raked his body.

"I just carried the bags. I didn't really help much," he replied, shrugging.

"Are you kidding? I would have given up long before now and never found this fabulous gift if you hadn't been here to encourage me to keep searching!" Remus chuckled at that. "No, really," Sirius insisted and looked him hard in the eyes. "Thank you." Remus shrugged, feeling bashful. "Also carrying bags is very important too."

"Oh yeah, totally," he said sarcastically.

"Speaking of which, would you help me take them to my bike?"

He wasn't even sure how Sirius could even ask such a question. Didn't he know by now that he had Remus wrapped right around his finger? But he tried to play it cool. "You mean your motorcycle?"

"Same thing." Of course that's what Sirius thought. In reality the difference was massive. How did he not understand that the image of himself on his motorcycle was permanently etched into Remus' brain? That such an image had kept Remus up countless nights feeling slightly hot and bothered. Bikes did not have that ability.

He didn't say any of that though of course. "Is not. Motorcycle makes you sound more punk rock," he managed to say in a teasing tone.

"That is actually a very good point." Sirius sounded impressed.

"Why do you sound so surprised?!" Remus mocked offense.

"Don't be upset." They both laughed as they walked the few blocks back to where they'd originally started. When they got to Sirius' ride Remus asked, "So how do you plan on getting all this home?"

"I'll manage."

Remus wasn't sure how that was possible. He was carrying at least four bags of goodies. "Right."

"Come now, don't you believe in me at all?" Sirius joked.

"For sure I do," he said, though his tone made it clear that he evidently did not.

"Thanks again by the way." A fleeting smile was sent his way. So this was goodbye.

"I had fun," he responded, mirroring Sirius' hesitant expression

The other man rolled his eyes at him. "Yeah, right."

"No, really,' he insisted. "I enjoyed myself."

Sirius' expression changed to a façade of cool but leaked some of his vulnerability as he began to speak. "Maybe we could do it again? Hang out I mean," Sirius clarified, clearing his throat awkwardly.

Lily's voice popped into Remus' head, telling him to invite Sirius to their party and before he could think twice about it he was blurting, "Well actually Lily and I hold a Christmas party of sorts most years. You could come, if you aren't busy, bring James if you want." He was starting to regret the offer the moment the words stopped tumbling from his lips but then Sirius' face lit up and he stopped regretting anything. "I'd love that! It's not Christmas night though is it?"

"No, no, it's the twenty seventh. Most people wouldn't be able to make it if it was on Christmas eve because of family commitments. It's a thing that Lily and I have been hosting for the last like five years. We like to think of it as a News Years warm up."

"Gets pretty crazy does it, should we bring anything, like food?"

"You don't have to, but if you're one of those people who's adamant about bringing something alcohol is always good."

Sirius laughed, shaky from the cold. "Awesome! Can't wait. What's your address?" Remus wrote it on the piece of paper they'd used to write on to brainstorm gift ideas for James. "I'll ask James about it but I'm certain he'll say yes, especially if he knows Lily will be there."

Remus smiled. "See you then?"

"I look forward to it." Sirius winked at him as he mounted his motorcycle and Remus' heart skipped a beat. He couldn't help but stare unmovingly as the other man tore away. He had a big fat colossal gay crush on one Sirius Black and that was an undeniable fact.

-x-

It was as if Sirius had blinked and the next thing he knew it was the day of Remus' post Christmas and pre New Years party. That's when time started to take its fucking time.

"Sirius," James had started in a tested tone. "I swear I'll take the clock down. We still have three hours until we have to leave so you can calm down and stop checking it every thirty seconds."

"Shuddup," he'd muttered, sending James a withering glare. He did his best to keep himself busy, hoping it would make the time go by faster. He showered, shaved, put on an ABBA record, took his time with his skin care routine, spent half an hour trying on several different outfits and getting James' opinion on each one. By the time he was done there was still an hour left. He heaved a heavy sigh and went to bother his brother from another mother. He walked into the other mans room and found him sitting on the floor, back against his bed, with gift bags and wrapping spread out all around him. He flopped down onto James' bed and turned his head to face his friend, his hair fell across his face and he blew at the bits that had fallen into his eyes and mouth. "Entertain me," he begged. He was going to drive himself crazy thinking about ways he could start a conversation with Remus tonight.

"Sorry chum but I'm quite busy over here," James apologized.

"Please," Sirius whined. When James just snorted at his antiques he inquired, "Christmas already happened y'git. Who are the gifts for?"

"Family friends I completely forgot about. Gonna try and pass it off by saying it was probably really busy at the post office," James grunted.

"Smooth. This is beyond last minute. Can't say I'm surprised."

"It is not the last minute. I could do it tomorrow. That would be more last minute."

"You're probably going to get wasted tonight, unless it's a classy party, though I doubt that. Anyway, that means you'll be hungover tomorrow and there's no way your hungover ass could wrap presents before we leave for your parents at two."

"Oh shut up won't you. I don't need your nervous sarcastic commentary."

"I'm not nervous. Why would I be nervous?"

"Don't lie. I'm your best mate. I know you're worried about talking to Remus."

"Am not," Sirius denied.

"Are too," James argued.

"Lily is gonna be there," Sirius deflected not so subtly.

James snorted. "Good job, Pads. I'm not dumb and I know that's a defense tactic but alright, I'll play along. Yes, she will be there tonight. What of it?"

"Are you going to talk to her?"

"I mean she is one of our hosts? It would be rude not to."

"You know perfectly well that's not what I mean. Are you going to try and get with her?"

"Why would I do that? Thought you said she was with Remus."

Sirius stares at his best mate for a moment then realized he'd never told James about his little chat with Remus. He cackled then did his best to put on a straight face. "Oh that's right. I forgot to tell you."

Now he'd captured James' attention. The man put down the bright orange handled plastic scissors he'd been holding to curl the ribbons. "Forgot to tell me what?"

"Not sure I should tell you. You weren't going to entertain me so why should I entertain you?"

"Sirius just bloody tell me."

"Fine, if you must know. A couple days ago, remember when we were out gift shopping you and I?" James nodded, eyebrows drawn together, looking unsure about where this was going. "Well I ran into Remus and we got caught up and see while we were talking he let slip that he likes both birds and blokes."

James' face spasmed from surprise to smug. "I fucking told you, didn't I?"

"Just because he's bisexual doesn't mean he likes me. Anyway, I asked about him and Lily and they're not together, they're just best friends like you and I-"

"I told you!"

"James you're missing the point. If Lily isn't with Remus, you have a chance."

"I don't know man. If she's not with Remus she's probably with someone else. It's hard to imagine that a girl like her is single."

Sirius considered this then shrugged. "Well we'll see tonight then. If she's with someone he'll certainly be at the party."

"Siri, if we're still this hopelessly single twenty years from now I might just turn into a poof and we can spend our lives together."

"Can't imagine it'd be much different from how we live now," Sirius said, rolling his eyes.

James chuckled as he finished up with the gifts then heaved himself up off the floor. "Common. Let's go drop these off at the post office and then we can make our way to the party."

Sirius was out the door and on his way down to the car before James even had his coat on.

-x-

Their first guests had arrived less than half an hour ago but Remus was already feeling slightly tipsy. Granted he had taken a few courage shots with Lily before anyone had shown up. He had needed them for the nerves that had been building within him as time seeped away and the moment of seeing Sirius again got nearer and nearer. He wasn't sure why he felt so shaky. Usually he was pretty good at holding his jitters together around the other man. Tonight however he felt like his skin was itching as he anticipated Sirius' arrival. Thankfully the shots and the scotch he was holding was doing its job and he felt bubbly and happy.

The flats kitchen was currently full of other young adults who were all loud and high spirited, laughing at bad jokes and having a good time. He was standing between the two Prewett brothers, Fabian and Gideon, as the three of them gorged themselves on greasy food when Lily hollered for him to come greet their new guests. _Why did he have to come? Couldn't she greet them on her own?_ Then he saw Sirius and High Guy standing in the front porch and all his resistance (there's some word I cant think of rn that goes better here) drained away.

"Sirius!" he exclaimed and drew the other man into a tight hug that enveloped him completely. Sirius was cold from being outside but he didn't mind too much. His hair smelled really really good and he tried to be subtle about smelling it. Someone's hands gripped his forearms tightly and pulled him away. He turned and saw that it was Lily. He pouted at her but she only ignored him. He pouted harder. She was supposed to be helping in get with Sirius. How was pulling apart gonna do that?

"Nice to see you two again," she said smiling to the two men.

Remus turned back to them. He noticed that Sirius was already watching him. This made him very happy. "Yes yes Lily-Lily is right. So glad you could make it. You are late though. Very late. The rest of us are already half way pissed. You'll have to catch up."

Sirius and James looked like they were trying to hold in their laughter. Lily only looked exasperated. She was such a wet blanket. "Actually, it's just him who's this tipsy so far. He's a bit of a light weight."

"You are a very very bad friend Lily-Lily," he whispered into her ear. "I thought you were on my side in this heist. How can you live vicariously through my love life if I don't have one? I thought you were smarter than that."

"You are going to hate yourself so much when you're sober," Lily rolled her eyes at him. "Come on in boys," she said smiling at Sirius and James.

Half an hour later when the pizza, the Chinese food and all of Frank Longbottom's lasagna had been demolished they all migrated to the living room where Lily had set up karaoke. Lily had also forced him to drink some water and that combined with some of the food was enough to make him feel a little more sober. Remus was now painstakingly aware of Sirius' presence in the room. Unfortunately, Marlene was sitting between them on the sofa.  He found himself irrationally frustrated with the girl.

"Alright!" Lily called to them from the front of the room. "Who's first?"

Marlene's hand shot up into the air as she jumped up from her seat beside him. "Dorcas get up here with me, babe."

Dorcas tried to object, shaking her head, her dark curls moving left and right. However once the room started chanting her name she gave in and joined Marlene on their make shift stage, which was really just their coffee table. The two girls hollered the lyrics to 'Under Pressure.' Up next James and Sirius belted 'The boys are back in town.' Remus couldn't tear his eyes away from Sirius. He was like the energizer bunny on steroids up there. He radiated energy and charisma. He also played a mean air guitar. When he came back he sat down right beside Remus who suddenly could focus on nothing but how their hips were pressed firmly together. He pretended to not at all be disappointed when a few songs later Lily hauled him up to do their choreographed take of 'Dancing Queen.' They had spent hours upon hours perfecting it. It was a thing Lily and he did in their spare time, creating elaborate dances to go with songs. This one was one of their favourites. Their audience clapped for them as they left the stage and they both bowed. To his relief no one had taken the spot he had left on the sofa so he rejoined Sirius, sitting perhaps a little closer than necessary. He could see Sirius gapping at him fully so he turned to face him. "What?"

"I didn't know you could dance like that." The other man flushed crimson.

"Oh yeah, I've got some moves," he said winking. He had meant it jokingly, knowing the phrase had a double meaning. Maybe he hadn't made that clear enough because Sirius stood up a moment later with the excuse of needing another beer. Feeling guilty for making Sirius uncomfortable he too stood and followed him to the kitchen where it was a little more quiet.

"Want one?" Sirius asked.

"You offering me some of my own alcohol?" he asked teasingly. Remus saw Sirius' ears and neck flush pink and decided to go easy on him. "Yeah, I'll take one." They popped the caps off and clinked glasses. From the kitchen they could here the tone deaf Prewitts trying to harmonize some Beatles song. They glanced at each other, both trying to suppress their amusement, but seeing the other struggling as well made them both bust out laughing.

"Want to go somewhere quieter?" he asked, feeling slightly timid.

Sirius eyes scanned his face, for what Remus wasn't totally sure, and nodded. They made their way down the hall, away from the crowd, and Remus pushed his door open. He didn't bother flicking the lights on. Light from the streets and from the moon and stars fell through his window and he crossed his room to it. From here they could still hear their friends but it was distant.

"You're room?" Sirius inquired. Remus remembered with sudden clarity that the other man had never seen it before and was glad he had left the lights off. He hadn't cleaned and while he wasn't a particularly messy guy he did sometimes get lazy and leave plates and dirty laundry around. Hopefully Sirius couldn't see it.

"Yeah." He boosted himself up onto the window ledge. He had to bend his legs up to make room for Sirius who sat across from him and mirrored his position. "So how'd James like his gift?"

Sirius had his head leaned back and the moonlight fell across the curves of his face. Bloody hell was he ever gorgeous. It simply wasn't fair how magnificent he was. "I won," Sirius said sounded very smug as he grinned that cocky grin Remus was so familiar with seeing on his lips.

He smiled back. "Glad to here all that time trudging around looking for the perfect gift was worth it."

"Sorry about getting a little crazy about that. I can get kind of competitive." When Sirius laughed his eyes crinkled. Cute.

"It's chill. I meant it yesterday when I said I had fun."

"Alright, fine, I believe you. Happy?"

"Very."

"Good. So did you spend Christmas with Lily or do you have family here?"

Remus screwed up his face. "It's kinda complicated."

Sirius' eyebrows furrowed but he didn't push. Remus sighed and explained, "We both spent the morning with family. She went to her parent's house and my mum and I visited my dad, he's uh at this _care center_ I guess you could call it?" He cringed inwardly and wished he'd just said they'd both spent Christmas with family and left it at that. "Anyway we spent the evening together."

"Tell me if I'm out of line, I don't want you to feel uncomfortable, but is your dad okay?" Sirius asked him, chewing his lower lip.

He looked away from Sirius, peered out the window to the street below. Despite the late hour people were still out and about. "He was in a car accident a few months ago. Paralyzed from the waist down. We don't have enough money to renovate the house and for some reason they refuse to move so...yeah," he ended it awkwardly. There was no way Sirius wanted to hear about his family's problems. "I don't know. I keep trying to convince them to move to a house with no stairs or something but it's kind of a sensitive topic." Remus glanced up at Sirius who nodded understandingly.

"That's really rough. I'm sorry they're dealing with that."

Remus didn't say anything, just shrugged, there were other people who had it worse. They watched each other silently for a couple seconds, both feeling more comfortable eyeing each other openly with more alcohol in their systems. The wind blew hard outside and Sirius shivered, reminding Remus of something that had slipped his mind until now.

"Mm I got you something," he said, tipping his beer back and swallowing the last of it.

"How'd you finish that so fast?" Sirius stared at him, shocked.

Remus just shrugged and slipped off the window ledge, making his way to his closet and rummaging around. He returned a moment later with a bottle of glistening whiskey in hand and a hastily wrapped package in the other. He repositioned himself across from Sirius, slotting their legs together, he sighed with content once he settled. He extended the present to the other man.

"I'm an asshole," Sirius frowned at the gift without taking it. "I should have gotten you something."

"Nah, just open it." When Sirius still just looked at the package ruefully Remus thrust it into his chest. "It's really not a big deal," he scoffed.

Sirius clutched the package and put down his beer before he tore the wrapping off. Remus screwed off the whiskeys lid and took a long sip before he looked back at Sirius' face to see his reaction. When he did he wished he hadn't because Sirius was just looking down at the gift expressionlessly.

 _Fucking fabulous. You crossed the line you moron,_ he cursed himself.

But then Sirius looked up at him at the look on his face made all his negative thoughts screech to a halt and his mouth went dry. Then he was holding up the floppy knitted hat and tugging it on over his head. He looked positively edible. "Did you make this yourself?" The look on his face was one of awe and affection and his cheeks were tinted pink, his eyes sparkling. Did friends look at each other this way?

He felt his face prickle with warmth. "Yeah, you just looked so cold that day we went shopping and you didn't have a hat or scarf or anything. My mum taught me how to knit like years ago and so I'm pretty good and can make things pretty fast. I've also had some spare time over the last few days so you know I thought why not, you know?" he was rambling so much but he couldn't stop the stream of words. "Anyway," he rushed on, "I hope its not too much. Don't feel like you have to wear it or-"

"I love it!" Sirius said sincerely.

"Oh." He loved it.

"That's-" Remus cleared his throat, swallowing down the lump that was blocking it. "Um- that's good."

"So what are your plans for New Years?"

Sirius' gaze was so intense that he found himself having to look away and out the window to keep his thoughts organized. "Lily and I have this tradition of staying in for it and just chilling together."

"You guys seem like really good friends," Sirius observed.

He smiled softly to himself. "We are. Speaking of good friends, you and James have any big plans for ringing in the New Year?"

Out of his peripheral vision he saw Sirius shrug. "James will probably want me to join him on getting totally pissed."

"Looking forward to it?"

"I guess."

"You guess?" He peered over at the other man, bright eyes like moonlight ice.

"I guess," Sirius repeated.

Remus hummed. "So did you go home for Christmas, spend time with your family?"

Sirius didn't answer and he assumed he just hadn't heard. Remus was about to repeat himself when he said, "Suppose so."

"Meaning what exactly?"

Sirius sighed, not like he was annoyed with Remus, like he was just tired. "I came out to my parents when I was sixteen and while they didn't kick me out because they didn't want to look bad to their friends they never treated me the same ever again. I could tell they didn't want me there and they were always making snide comments about my _lifestyle._ They made it very clear that they didn't and couldn't ever see me as their son ever again and ignored me a lot. I don't know, if supressed most of it. Not very pleasant. Anyway, James' parents are stellar and practically adopted me. We always go to their house for the holidays. So yeah, I suppose I did go home and spend time with family at Christmas."

"I don't understand why it's such a big deal."

"What?"

"Boys kissing boys, girls kissing girls. Why's it a problem. How does it effect them?"

Sirius snorted bitterly. "I gave up trying to understand the brains of the bigoted long ago."

"But it's not fair. It's not fair that people like you and me have to hide our relationships because they can't get let go of their oppressive traditional morals."

"I'm not disagreeing there's just nothing we can do."

"Will it always be this way?"

Sirius gave him a hopeless look and just shrugged. "I don't know Rem. I wish I could say no but I honestly don't know."

Remus tipped the whiskey bottle back and downed the last of it. He replaced the lid and yawned loudly. He was really sleepy but he didn't want Sirius to leave. He wanted him to stay, for them both to stay like this, forever. "You ready for bed?" Sirius' voice was soft. Remus longed to hear it again. It was for that reason that he nodded. The two of them slide off the window ledge and Remus collapsed into bed.

The room was quiet so he squinted into the dark and saw Sirius standing beside the bed awkwardly, like he was unsure whether he should stay or go. Remus chose for him. "Stay," he whispered into the darkness, extending his hand and patting the space on his mattress beside him. He rolled over closer to the wall to make even more room. Sirius seemed to hesitate for a minute before he joined Remus. They were both still fully clothed in their day wear on top of the covers but both men were too nervous to suggest changing or going beneath the sheets lest that betray their feelings for the other. So instead they just lay there staring up at the ceiling, mere inches apart, so close they could feel the heat of the other radiating from their person.

"We should play a game." He hadn't actually really meant to say it out loud, intending to just think it. However intoxicated Remus had no brain to mouth filter and mostly just said everything he thought.

"A game?" Sirius questioned.

"Yeah."

"What kind of game?"

"Ever heard of twenty-one questions?" Remus turned his head to look at the other man and grinned wickedly.

Sirius yawned wide and rubbed at his eyes. "I don't think I can stay awake long enough to get through that many."

"Okay then," Remus conceded, "Twelve questions?"

"That's more realistic."

"You start."

"You were the one to suggest it!"

"Fine. I'll go first." He paused in thought. "Have you ever cheated on an exam?"

"In high school yeah but not after. Even in high school I didn't really have to though. I have a pretty okay brain and I'm pretty good at testing."

"Interesting. Your turn."

"Are you a mama's boy?"

"Oh yeah."

"Thought so," Sirius smirked.

"Shut it. Ever been high?"

"Used to do it a lot. I try not to as much anymore."

Ten minutes later they were both laying on their sides looking at each other. Remus had learned a lot about Sirius. He knew that if Sirius had the power to turn into an animal he'd pick a big black dog because of the superstitious stories behind them and he wanted to haunt his mother and father for laughs. Sirius had told him that if he had the chance to meet three famous people he'd choose Madonna, Marilyn Monroe and David Bowie. As well as that he'd learned that the last thing Sirius had fought in public about had been with James on public transit about which way the toilet paper went. (The two of them agreed on out. "Otherwise you have to go searching for it!") Apparently, he'd spent his first salary on getting completely shit faced with James, the most embarrassing thing he'd done while drunk was flirt with every person they'd met along the way home (including a faintly amused but mostly exasperated Mrs. Potter who he'd also tried to give a lap dance much to his humiliation the next morning).

Remus admitted to being very much into cuddling, that if he was President for a day he'd make LGBT+ marriage legal and the childish thing he still most enjoyed was swinging at the park. Sirius now also knew that rain was his favourite weather, spending days in with a good book or documentary was his favourite pass time and he'd lost his virginity to a boy in France the one time his parents had been able to afford to take him on vacation. The most embarrassed he'd ever been was when his parents had sat not only himself but Lily down too for the Talk when they'd thought that perhaps they might get together. He simultaneously came out to his parents, interrupting the Talk and just blurting out that he was currently actually more into boys. His mum had left the room and come back with hand fulls of condoms which she'd chucked it him.

Remus was in the middle of asking Sirius another question when the other man let out a soft snore. Her turned his head to see that Sirius was fast asleep. He couldn't hold back the smile that spread across his lips at the sight of his relaxed face, mouth open in a tiny o. Sirius was still wearing the hat Remus had knit for him, long black locks curling from beneath and falling across his eyes. Remus reached out a hand to gently brush them across his forehead. His eyes fell closed a few minutes later, to the sound of their friends getting quieter and quieter until he couldn't hear them at all.

-x-

The party was wrapping up and people were starting to trickle out of the flat. Lily, who'd only had a glass or two of wine was making sure that everyone took cabs home because they were all wasted.

"Hey Lily." She turned to face James and a smile split across her face. She quickly tried to control it because he really didn't need to know that she'd taken a liking to him. He'd spent a lot of the night with her, helping her set up karaoke, going out and buying more snacks when they'd run out, refusing to let her pay him back and holding her friend's hair back when they'd been sick in the bathroom. He'd turned out to be a really nice guy. Not bad on the eyes either.

"Hey, what'd up, you heading?"

James looked shy, glancing down at his feet before he down into her eyes, weird. He ran a hand through his hair, which was already in disarray as he spoke, "I would be, yes, but it seems I've lost Sirius."

Lily's eyes widened. "Now that I think about it I haven't seen Remus in a couple hours either." They exchanged a meaningful look.

"Do you think...?"

"Well, uh, I'm not totally sure."

"Well then."

"Come with me." He followed her down the hall. When they reached Remus' bedroom door she hesitated, turning back to look up at James she pressed a finger to her lips. He nodded, eyes big with worry. Slowly, ever carefully, she turned the handle with baited breath and peered into the room. She could feel James behind her, feel his chest press against her should as he peered over her. Warmth shot through her and she could feel her cheeks heating up, thankful that she was facing away. Then she spotted the missing boys in Remus' bed, thankfully still fully dressed. The sight made her coo quietly. Remus was spooning Sirius, arm draped over the other mans stomach. Their bodies were turned toward the door, faces slack from sleep.

Lily gently pulled the door shut and she indicated for James to walk back into the kitchen. "How much have you had to drink tonight?" she asked him, voice hushed.

James leaned against the kitchen doorway. "If you lend me money for a taxi I could pay you back tomorrow?"

Lily grimaced. "I don't have cash on me since I paid ahead for Marlene and Dorcas."

"I can just walk home."

Lily's eyebrows scrunched together and she shook her head, her ponytail swishing from side to side. "Don't be silly."

James frowned, stumped, he wasn't sure what else to suggest. "Then what?"

She pursed her lips and considered their other options. It wasn't a tough choice. "Our sofa is a pull out? Let me get sheets from the closet," Lily offered.

Was she just imagining it or were James' cheeks tinged pink? "You really don't have to do that," he said giving her a wide smile. Bloody hell he had an unfairly attractive face and when he smiled it just made him more handsome. _Snap out of it Lily,_ she told herself

"Oh, come on," she insisted, crossing her arms over her chest stubbornly. "You can pay me back by helping make breakfast in the morning."

"I'm not a very good chef," his hand rubbed the back of his neck awkwardly as he spoke. She hated that he gave her butterflies. He probably looked at all the girls he wanted to get with this way. _He didn't go home with any of your friends tonight,_ part of her pointed out. _Mary gave him multiple opportunities last night._

"You don't have to be to mix eggs together for French toast," Lily pointed out. "Besides, then you can just drive Sirius home in the morning." She tried not to sound too eager or desperate. She wasn't.

"Alright then," James agreed, and her stomach swooped. "Let me help you set the bed."

She went to the little closet in the hallway and pulled down a mattress cover, a thin sheet, a folded duvet, and a fresh pillow cover. When she came back James had set aside the sofa cushions and pulled out the fold in bed. Together they started to set it up.

"So do you think they've admitted their feelings for each other?" Lily asked him.

"Sirius and Remus?"

Lily nodded and pulled the sheet over the corners on her side.

James mirrored her action. "Is the feeling actually mutual, did Remus tell you he likes Sirius?"

"Oh yeah, the boy's smitten," she confirmed only feeling a little guilty for betraying her best friend. It was for his own good. She loved Remus but he was hopeless in the romance department.

"Sirius is head over heels as well. Has been for a while. It's so obvious but they're completely oblivious!" James threw the thin sheet over the bed and tucked in the end so it wouldn't ride up in his sleep.

Lily snorted. "You've not had to listen to Remus go on and on for hours about how gorgeous Sirius is. I've had to tune him out a few times just to get anything done."

"Oh, trust me I get it," James chuckled. "I guarantee you Sirius is worse."

Lily rolled her eyes. "What are we going to do with them?"

He seemed to actually contemplate the question before he answered. "I do actually have an idea..." James bit his lip.

"Go on," Lily encouraged, wanting to hear more.

"Alright, hear me out. If by tomorrow our atrociously unaware best friends haven't admitted their feelings for each other we've gotta help them out."

"I'm totally with you on that," she agreed. "But how?"

"Already ahead of you," he smirked smugly. Of course he did. "What are your plans for New Years?"

Where was he going with this? "Night in with Remus," Lily said.

She gave her a weird look and she knew why. Most people went out and partied on News Years Eve. That just wasn't her and Remus' thing. She didn't have to explain it. Thankfully James didn't ask so she didn't have to be rude about it. "Okay so I was planning on dragging Sirius out with me clubbing but seeing as we clearly need to intervene in their love lives since they're clueless I think both our New Years Eve plans should be altered."

"And how's that?"

"We tell them I've asked you out and you come clubbing with me instead. They'll both be alone so then we can suggest that they spend it together."

A slow smile spread across her face. "I like how you think."

"Thanks, so it's a plan?"

She nodded and he smiled at her. She had to break eye contact before he saw right through her.

"Night Potter." James Potter, not High Guy. He'd made sure she knew that after she'd called him that a couple times at the start of the party.

"Sleep tight Evans." So what if they'd gotten to know each other? So what if just the sound of his voice made her shiver?

 


	5. do your boxers have toucans on them?!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you so so much to those of you who comment such lovely things and give kudos<33 here s the second last chapter hope you like it

Both Remus and Sirius did an impeccable job of ignoring the fact that they'd slept in each others arms pressed up against each other. Sirius had been the first to wake up, doing his best to get out from under the others arm without waking him. His heart had thundered in his chest for a full five minutes as he did so but eventually he was up and out and Remus hadn't moved a muscle. He released a shaky breath once he'd closed the bedroom door behind him. Then Sirius heard breakfast sounds coming from the kitchen and made his way in.

"Good morning Sirius!" James chirped from where he stood beside Lily who was making bacon and French toast at the stove if his nose was anything to go by. "Sleep well?"

"Leave him alone you big meanie," Lily laughed as she turned over bacon strips on the pan. Sirius knew his face was bright red, he could feel it. He'd been blushing way too much recently for his liking. "Is Remus still asleep?"

"Uh yeah," he muttered shyly.

"We're sticking around for breakfast then we'll hit the road," James told him. He just nodded silently.

"James, could you set the table?" Lily said in a tone that implied that she was more telling than asking. "Plates are in the cupboard to your left and cutlery is in the drawer on my right."

"On it." James started on the task without any argument. Sirius could only stand there in the middle of the kitchen. This was weird.

"Sirius," Lily's voice broke him out of his thoughts, "Orange juice is in the fridge, cups are in the cupboard closest to it."

So weird. But he did what she told him to and got out the juice and cups, setting them out on the table and starting to fill them.

"So what's with the ugly hat Siri?" James teased. He reached up, fingers skimming the knitting. _Oh yeah._ Memories of the night before came back with a sudden clarity.

"Rem made it for me," Sirius pouted. He was so focused on pouring juice that he missed the look James and Lily gave each other at the affectionate way he'd given Remus a nickname. One that only Lily, his very best friend, had ever called him before.

"It's still ugly," James scoffed.

"Well I like it," he said feeling defensive.

"You would," his best mate snickered and he was sure he was blushing.

Then, speak of the devil, Remus walked in, eyes puffy and hair ruffled from sleep. If his face hadn't been red before it certainly was now. How was this level of cuteness even allowed?! It wasn't bloody fair. He was still wearing the same sweater he'd been wearing last night, a deep navy blue one that went down over his hands and gave him sweater paws, but he'd changed his jeans to track pants. Trying not the stare he looked away but accidently caught James' eye, his friend raised a smug eyebrow. Sirius huffed a sigh. "Need help with anything else Lily?" he asked, his voice a little too loud.

"That's okay Sirius. Breakfast will be up in a minute anyway."

"French toast?" Remus asked, his voice deeper and raspier first thing in the morning, and if that wasn't simultaneously both the cutest and most attractive thing Sirius had ever heard he wasn't sure what was.

"Yeah," Lily smiled, "wanna grab the maple syrup from the fridge?" She asked, brandishing the spatula she was using.

Remus grunted in reply and Sirius was without a doubt going straight to hell if there was one. When they were all seated at the small kitchen table, with food on their plates, Lily asked him, "So Sirius, got any plans for New Years?"

"I think James and I are just going clubbing," he told her, cutting into his French toast.

His friend chuckled nervously beside him. "About that...Er- Lily and I are going on a date New Years Eve actually so..."

"So you're ditching me?!" Sirius exclaimed. "Dude, what happened to bros before hoes?"

"What'd you just call me?" Lily gave him an incredulous look, eyebrows raised.

"It's just an expression!" Sirius grumbled into his orange juice.

"No, no, hold on," Remus interjected.  "I'm with you Sirius. What about me? I'm your best friend and you're just going to leave me for High Guy?"

"High Guy?" James frowned, turning to face Lily for an explanation.

Lily narrowed her eyes at Remus. "I'll explain later," she told James.

"That's great. I get to be a loner on New Years. Not cool man," Sirius said to James under his breath as he drowned his French toast in maple syrup.

"Why don't you hang out with Remus then?"

It clicked in his head what James was doing and he glared at him. He hadn't asked for an intervention. When they got back to their apartment he was totally going to chew him out for-

"Hey that's not a bad idea." Sirius turned to look at Remus who was giving him a small smile. His brown eyes looked so soft and Sirius couldn't look away from them. "I mean, that is if you want to?"

"Y-yeah, sure, of course!" Sirius sputtered, beaming brightly.

"Uh, do you mind if we stay in?" Remus seemed to be avoiding eye contact. "Or just do something one-on-one? I'm not great around big crowds."

"Don't worry about it," Sirius reassured him.

"We could chill here?" Remus suggested. "Get ice-cream or see a movie?"

"Whatever works, we can brainstorm until then."

"Cool." That same warm expression that made his insides turn to liquid.

"Maple syrup, Siri?" James asked, forcing him to look away. His best mate had a big shit eating grin on his face.

"Dickhead," Sirius coughed. Lily laughed, she'd totally been in on the whole thing, and Remus just looked confused. The guy had no idea their best friends had just played them both.

-x-

Two days later Sirius was having major deja vue in line at the café with Lily in front of him, reminding him of the first time he'd come in here and 'met' with her and Remus.

"Lily?" The squat barista with watery blue eyes, called out the girl's name.

"Thanks Pete."

A few minutes later he was holding out Sirius' hot chocolate. He took it, thanking him and turning to the little table nearby that held lids, straws, sugar and cream. Lily was there, popping a lid on her latte.

"So James is ecstatic to be going on that day with you," he told to her. His friend had been a royal mess the last couple days. Sirius didn't feel bad for him one bit as he was more or less in the same position because of him.

She stiffened beside him. "Oh, really?" He could tell that despite her efforts to not seem it she was curious and so because James had meddled he decided to indulge her.

"For sure, the guy hasn't been this nervous for a date in a long while." Did he feel bad telling her this? Not at all. Would James kill him if he found out? Only time would tell.

Lily laughed, but it sounded jumpy and skittish. "He shouldn't be."

"No?" Lily gave him a searching look. "Most guys are nervous on dates they actually care about."

"Sirius, I think you already know that-"

"-the date was just an excuse to make Remus and I spend more time together? Yeah, I know that but James actually has feelings for you. If you don't like him back that way it's fine but don't lead him on or mess with his feelings, yeah?"

"I wouldn't-"

"Not on purpose. I know that," Sirius assured her. "But as arrogant as James can sometimes seem he's actually a sensitive guy."

"Like you?"

"Oh stop." They exchanged a smile. He'd grown to like her quite a lot these last few months.

Looking at Lily, Sirius caught her eyes darting away from him. He pursed his lips before looking away only to look back a moment later when she practically cackled. Sirius curiously raised a brow. He could tell Lily was trying to stifle her laughter, she pointed at his cup and Sirius looked down.

Where a name would have been there was instead a number. A phone number, Sirius realized with a jolt of surprise and excitement. He couldn't help himself from beaming over at Remus who was already looking back, then he winked! Sirius jokingly flipped him off but his head was spinning.

"He's a bit of a flirt." Lily chuckled.

Sirius grinned at her and left the little cafe, drink in hand, before he had a heart attack there and then. He felt light on his feet. Taking a sip of his beverage, Sirius was still smiling as he stepped out into the blustery winter weather for the rest of his break.

-x-

He'd gotten home from work at least 10 minutes ago but still hadn't taken his shoes or coat off. Sirius had taken the buildings stairs instead of the elevator because his whole body had been vibrating with energy. He'd opened the door to their flat and hadn't heard any clunking around or music, meaning James wasn't home yet. Sirius had then gone to his room and swiftly closed the door behind him. He now sat at his desk staring at an empty hot chocolate cup. It was a perfectly ordinary cup. Save for the fact that on it was a phone number that belonged to an extremely attractive boy who wouldn't stay out of Sirius' thoughts.

"Hey mate-" His door swung open and James, who had zero manners and clearly didn't know anything about knocking, barged in. Upon seeing Sirius he froze in his tracks. "Watcha doin'?"

Sirius sighed and spun around in his desk chair to face his friend, an expression of annoyance and boredom on his face. The energy he'd felt had fizzled right out of him the moment he'd actually started thinking about calling Remus. "Nothing."

But James wasn't as dumb as he let people believe. "Mhmm, right. Drop the act and spill," he said as an infectious grin broke across his face and he threw himself across Sirius' bed.

Sirius' frown deepened, and he glanced at the coffee cup once more before glancing back to James. With another tremendously dramatic sigh he rolled his eyes and let the afternoons events tumble from his tongue. After all, this was James, his best mate, that he was talking to.

"So you're telling me," James' eyebrows were drawn together, "that the boy you've been pining over for a painfully long time- don't deny it! We've talked about this so much it's ridiculous! - flirted with you and gave you his number and you're only just telling me now? You waited all day to tell me? We had all afternoon at work and you were what, thinking about it?"

Sirius grimaced. "Yeah, I guess. So what?"

"So what?!" James demanded, clearly appalled by the question. "I was bored out of my mind all day and you could have immediately gotten rid of my boredom by telling me about your heated encounter. However, apparently, I'm not important enough to be told about said encounter until it's too late. Also, what the bloody hell is there to think about? Remus wants to roll around in the sheets with you and don't try and weasel your way out of this! I've seen the boy and even I'll admit that he's attractive! There is absolutely no reason for you to not call him. Why have you not called him?!"

Sirius stared at James for a heartbeat longer wondering if he was serious. (No pun intended.) "Um maybe because he didn't exactly clarify why he gave me his number? It might have just been as a friend thing?"

"Bloody hell I can't believe how thick you are?" James moaned, burying his face in his hands. "You've both been dancing around each other for months! No way is writing your number on someone's cup a friend thing! He wants you to take him on a date. Please put Lily and I out of our misery and just take him on a date, confess you're whipped for him and have very gay sex."

"Oh my good god Prongs," Sirius turned scarlet and couldn't look his friend in the eye. "Please stop right now. Besides, I need to figure out what kind of date I want to take him on before I call him."

"Feed him before you fuck him," James said with a completely straight face, oblivious to the look of alarm Sirius was giving him.

"Or maybe we don't have sex after the first date?"

"Don't you usually have sex after the first date? Why the change of heart? Is it because you luuuuuuurv hi- Ow!" James yelped when Sirius kicked him in the shin.

"Shut up."

"You're not denying it!" A broad grin spread across James' face and he jumped off the bed in excitement. "We have to start planning this date!"

Sirius groaned loudly and spun his chair away from James, but a smile was on his lips too.

-x-

It took him about an hour to psych himself out enough to dial the number on the coffee cup. He waited nervously for Remus to pick up...ringing...ringi-

"Hello?" Remus' voice crackled over the line and Sirius had to take a moment to calm his heart down. He fidgeted with the phone chord, twirling it between his fingers.

"Hey man, it's uh- it's Sirius." He desperately hoped the other man couldn't hear how breathless he was.

"Hey! Why'd you take so long to call?"

"James er- he needed me for something." He definitely wasn't about to tell Remus how nervous he'd been, how nervous he was. That wasn't punk rock.

"Cool cool. So I was thinking we could talk about what we want to do Friday." Oh. Sirius berated himself for getting ahead of himself and thinking Remus had maybe actually been flirting with him.

"Yeah, sure, any ideas? I'm down for anything." Thankfully his tone stayed neutral.

"Well I know usually you go out with James so mostly I just really wanted to make sure that you really are okay not doing that. Like if you really did want to go out I could-"

"Rem, of course I'm okay staying in with you. I totally get the whole social anxiety thing, I mean I'm a pretty out there guy but I get needing down time and that kind of thing."

There was a bit of an awkward pause. Sirius hated talking over the phone and not being able to see peoples facial expressions. "Thanks Sirius," came Remus' reply. "I'm looking forward to it."

There was a silence and and Sirius realized he was supposed to say something then. "Me too."

"So do you want to come here or should I come to yours?"

"I'm good either way. Whatever works."

"I think James is coming to pick up Lily, right? I can just have him drop me by when he does?"

"Yeah sure."

"So, uh, okay then I'll bring something to drink?"

"Sounds good. Lily and I have some left over from the party too so we'll not have a problem getting properly smashed."

Sirius laughed and hoped that Remus couldn't hear how forced it was. "Oh, um, James is calling me." A lie. He just really needed to get off the phone before his voice broke or something.

"Okay..." Remus sounded a bit confused. He could probably tell that Sirius was lying. "See you Friday?"

"Bye." He hung up before Remus could reply. God this was so embarrassing. Remus was just trying to be a friendly and nice guy but Sirius' immensely gay feelings were getting in the way. He ran a hand through his hair and pulled at it out of frustration. Standing up he left the kitchen and went beck to his room, closing the door behind him. Sirius fell into his bed and screamed into his pillow. He heard his bedroom door open but didn't bother to look up.

"You alright mate, what happened?" James asked.

"He didn't mean it in a gay way," Sirius mumbled, turning his head to the side just enough so that the words wouldn't be lost into his pillow.

"What'd'ya mean?"

"He meant it in a 'hi-even-though-I'm-bi-I-don't-have-anything-but-platonic-feelings-for-you-call-me-so-we-can-talk-about-what-we'll-do-on-New-Years' kinda way."

"You sure?"

"Yep," Sirius said, popping the 'p'.

"Come on, stop wallowing in your self pity. I'll make you a cuppa."

Sirius dragged himself out of bed and followed James back to the kitchen.

It took some time but after doing a face mask with James and watching some old nostalgic movies with popcorn he was feeling okay. Sirius was ready to accept as much as Remus was willing to offer, if the other man only wanted to be friends then he would be fine with that. At least that's what he'd been able to tell himself for the last few days.

However, when Friday rolled around, and Remus opened the door for them he felt his resolve disintegrate.

-x-

Remus swung the door open, eyes seemingly magnetically drawn to Sirius, and he suddenly felt as if all the air had been knocked from his lungs. It was the same way he felt nearly every time he saw Sirius. He was dressed in jeans, a white shirt, his iconic vintage leather jacket, heavy black boots, and had his hair tied back into a bun. Every damn time. It certainly didn't help that Sirius looked positively adorable wearing the hat Remus had made him. It seemed like the kind of thing that would go against every part of the other mans aesthetic but somehow, he pulled it off. Remus did his best to regain his facial expression before Sirius or James noticed his staring.

"Hey guys, c'mon in. Lily's almost ready by the way."

"No rush," James grinned at him slyly. James had noticed then. Noted.

He swallowed down his nervousness as best he could. "Want anything to drink while you wait?" he offered.

"Nah I'm good."

"More for us later," Remus said winking at Sirius who hesitated for only a moment before he beamed at him. The other mans smile simply lit up the room. His presence demanded attention, despite only being like 5, 8. He had the same cocky confidence that James did, only Remus had seen his soft side and he'd admittedly liked it very much. He was really hoping he'd be able to see it tonight.

"Alright," Lily stepped into the room, "I'm ready." Remus saw James' eyes widen as he gawked rather obviously. He shared an amused look with Sirius. Remus didn't blame James for staring though, Lily had cleaned up well. He didn't understand fashion now a day, the big hair, big jewelry and shoulders pads. He thought most women looked silly, but Lily managed to really pull it off. 

"Take a picture Potter, it'll last longer," Lily told him sarcastically.

"Er- you look really good," James stumbled over his words.

Lily rewarded him with a smile. "You don't look so bad yourself."

"Alright love birds off you go," Remus rolled his eyes and opened the door for them. "Take your flirting away."

"You're one to speak." Lily mumbled under her breath.

"Excuse me?!" He hoped they couldn't see him blushing.

"Bye Remus," Lily said with exaggerated annoyance, grabbing James' arm and pulling him out the door after her. "Have a good night."

When the two of them were gone and it was just him and Remus he turned to the other man. "Let the night begin." He smiled and Sirius returned it.

"You weren't kidding," Sirius said when they walked further into the flat.

"I just set up the stuff Lily and I usually do." He'd hung a disco ball from the ceiling, set out a few glowing lava lamps, strobe lights and from the door ways hung bead curtains.

"Dude, it's just you and me."

"Yeah, so?"

"So I'd have been good just ordering in some Chinese and watching some re runs or something."

"I didn't do this for you."

"No?"

"Okay so the strobe lights are a new addition because I felt bad about staying in on New Years but the rest of the stuff we really do usually take out for parties."

"You didn't for the one a few days ago."

"We couldn't find the box with the disco ball, Lily dropped the one that had the lava lamps and they broke and we took down the bead curtains because they don't bode well with a crowd of drunk young adults."

Sirius rolled his eyes but he was smiling. "Okay, okay, I get it. Thanks for the strobe lights."

"I mean they aren't really for you I just used you as an excuse so that Lily would let me buy them."

"Wow rude," Sirius said, but he dind't actualy sound offended.

"Muisc?"

"Do you really even have to ask?"

Remus chuckled and walked over to their record collection. "Got a preference?"

"Something for dancing."

"Gottcha."

_Hey sister, go sister, soul sister, go sister_   
_Hey sister, go sister, soul sister, go sister_

Sirius cackled. "Yes Rem!"

"Alright now that music has been solved the next thing to be solved is food. Shall we order in or should I make something?"

"Oooooo! I didn't know you could cook."

Remus snorted. "Nothing fussy but I make a pretty good stir fry."

"I'd be honoured."

_Voulez-vous coucher avec moi ce soir?_   
_Voulez-vous coucher avec moi?_

The flat was pretty open so there were no walls between the living room and kitchen meaning that the music was still perfectly audible as Remus started taking out veggies and a pan.

"You like chicken?" he asked.

"Very much. Want me to open the wine I brought, and we can save the tequila for later?"

"Of course. Glasses are to your left."

_-skin feelin' silky smooth_   
_The colour of cafe au lait_   
_Made the savage beast inside_   
_Roar until it cried, more, more, more_

Sirius handed him a glass and he took a sip. "What is this?"

"You like?"

"It's amazing."

Sirius held out the bottle and Remus' eyebrows shot up into his hair. "That stuffs so expensive."

"It's a special occasion."

"Still."

When Lady Marmalade ended a new song came on. Sirius made a happy noise and shimmied closer. Remus did his best to not stare at his hips which were swaying from side to side to the beat. He couldn't help it though when the other man closed his eyes and tilted his head back.

_Tonight's the night we're gonna make it happen_   
_Tonight we'll put all other things aside_

Remus laughed when Sirius put down his wine glass and jumped into a very detailed dance routine for the song.

_I want to love you, feel you_   
_Wrap myself around you_   
_I want to squeeze you, please you_   
_I just can't get enough_   
_And if you move real slow, I'll let it go_

He stopped laughing when Sirius picked up the wine bottle and started singing into it like a mic while making direct eye contact. The boy could sing and the lyrics made Remus squirm. Did Sirius know how he felt? Jesus the night had barely begun and he was already weak.

_I'm so excited (look what you do to me), and I just can't hide it (you got me burning up)_   
_I'm about to lose control and I think I like it (yeah)_

-x-

Remus was beyond shocked when he had to shake Sirius awake for the count down.

Dinner had been a reasonably bearable ordeal, but barely with Sirius seemingly accidental game of footsie under the table with him. The table was small, and Remus had long legs, so he took up a lot of room. Sirius' were shorter, but he made up for it in personality which made him seem bigger than he actually was. He took up just as much room as Remus meaning that their legs continued to brush, their feet would connect, knees knock against the others. Remus' tummy was full with the sensation of butterfly wings flapping anxiously, giddily. Afterward they migrated to the living room and turned off the lights, so the strobe lights had full effect. He danced like he had in his teen years with Lily when they'd snuck out of the house and escaped to a friend's party where the risks and their peers alike were both pretty high. In that moment they hadn't talked much but they'd read each others body language, each others faces, the look in each others eyes. When their breathing was hard, and a light sweat coated their skin they'd turned off the music to turn on the TV about half an hour before the count down when they'd watch the ball drop in Times Square. They'd chatted about this or that, laughing about things people only found funny late at night when they were tipsy with someone they were close to, for a few minutes. Then Remus had gotten up to get the tequila but when he'd gotten back Sirius had been conked out, head on his shoulder, which looked very uncomfortable, and mouth parted.

"Sirius wake up! Ball's about to drop."

"Huh- Balls? What's going on?" The other man asked in a groggy voice, eyes barely open.

"You fell asleep y'git."

"Sorry," and he really did sound it. Remus peered over and Sirius had a bashful, embarrassed look on his face. "Wine makes me sleepy."

"Really? Well we have had quite a bit. Here take this." Remus passed Sirius a small shot glass.

"-9, 8, 7-"

Sirius accepted the shot glass and shifted on the sofa to face Remus who did the same to mirror him.

"-6, 5, 4,-"

"Cheers," Sirius gave him a lopsided smile.

"Cheers," he echoed, gazing into sparkling silver-grey eyes.

"-3, 2, 1-"

Almost in unison they broke eye contact and tilted their heads back, liquid fire burning down their throats.

"Happy New Year!"

Sirius whooped loudly and Remus laughed loudly. People on TV were kissing and dancing but they weren't watching anything but each other. Th air between them was charged and Remus felt it thrumming between them. He felt an insistent urge to lean forward and let their lips brush together, soft and first then harder. He almost did, was leaning, when Sirius was suddenly standing and stretching. "Oof I've gotta get out of these jeans," Sirius complained. "They're not very comfy."

"You sleeping over?" Was Sirius blushing? He couldn't tell with only the TV light to see by. "The sofa is a pull out and it's totally chill."

"Yeah uh if it's alright with you."

Remus nodded and also stood, Sirius looked up at him and he was definitely blushing. "Do you want me to grab you something to change into or are you more of a boxers guy?"

"The latter."

"M'kay is that because pyjamas aren't punk rock enough for you?" Remus teased.

"I'll have you know-"

"Stop I was only joking! Be back in a mo. Make yourself comfortable." Remus hopped up and made his way down the hall to his room. He pushed the door open and went to his bed, sliding his pants and socks off and letting them fall to the ground. Bending over he picked up the flannel pyjama pants he'd dropped on the floor that morning. He left his over sized jumper on and grabbed his duvet, hauling it off his bed and dragging it behind him as he exited his room. He made his way back to the sofa where Sirius now sat in his boxers and white t-shirt. Remus felt heat rush to his face because yeah Sirius was shorter than him but Remus was thin while Sirius- Well Sirius was very much not. Christ this man was going to be the end of him. He was about to tear his eyes away when they caught on something they'd skimmed over before. Because of the sudden skin reveal Remus had missed a small detail. Sirius' boxers weren't just any old day plain boring boxers. Oh no. He had to stifle his laughter behind a sweater paw. "I'm sorry but do your boxers have pastel toucans on them?!"

"Shut it."

Remus cackled and fell into the sofa beside him, their sides pressed together. Sirius' was like a furnace and Remus, who was never not cold, leaned into the heat. The alcohol he'd drank had taken away a thing or two like his filter and his self control so without hesitation he reached out and drew back Sirius' shirt to better see the colourful boxers. "These are adorable!"

"Stop it."

"I love them." Then his mouth curved into a smirk. "Not sure I'd call them punk rock though."

Sirius pouted. "You're being mean."

"I said that your underwear isn't punk rock, that doesn't mean that you're not." That made Sirius' face smooth out a bit and yeah that soft side of him that he had such a weakness for was definitely making an appearance. Before he could do something really impulsive like cuddle into Sirius' side or kiss his face all over he lifted his feet up and tucked them against Sirius' thighs, craving more of that delicious warmth he radiated. His cold bare feet rubbed against the other mans skin and the contact made him jump but he didn't pull away.

"Fuck your feet are freezing, Rem." That was another thing he had a weakness for. When Sirius called him that nickname, the one only Lily had ever called him a few times, and usually only when she was concerned, he felt his heart skip beats in his chest. When Lily said it she was worried but when Sirius said it the nickname held a certain affection and it made him feel warm all over.

Then Sirius did something completely out of the blue that nearly stopped his heart from beating completely. He took Remus' feet and started to rub them. It felt spectacular and Remus reacted by arching into the touch before he could stop himself. His head fell back and eyes closed almost instinctively as Sirius trailed his fingers down the cool soles of his feet. He just barely held back a groan of pleasure. Goosebumps erupted all over him and he shivered with the sensation.

Sirius gave a low chuckle. "Feel good?" He asked sounding amused.

"Yeah," Remus' voice was hardly above a throaty whisper.

They sat like that for a few minutes, watching the TV which was turned down low, while Remus collected himself. "Hey we never finished that game of twenty one questions."

"Oh yeah. What's your favourite kind of weather?"

That was easy. "The rain. Makes me feel a bit like I'm wrapped up in a feeling," he responded.

"Mmm I like that," Sirius hummed. "Sounds poetic."

"What's your favourite childhood memory?"

Sirius grimaced. "Define childhood."

Remus' brows drew together. "Like when you were a kid."

"Like before I was a teenager?"

"Yeah."

"Don't have too many fond memories from then," Sirius admitted. "My parents kind of sucked at being good parents. There was this one afternoon though when they were in a really good mood because my father had just gotten a major promotion and an important client had just closed a big deal so they bought my litter brother and I a big fancy wooden trainset that we set up in the living room." His eyes were full of nostalgia and sadness as he recounted the memory. "They actually came in and played with us, my mother brought in these little crackers with expensive cheeses, played classics from their youth, even taught us a few of the less pretentious dances." He blinked and the past cleared away. "Of course that was before reality caught back up to us."

"Do you still speak to your brother?" Remus asked curiously.

"Every now and then. My parents influence had more impact on him."

"I'm sorry."

"S'all right. I have the Potters." Remus could tell that even though the memories stung, for the most part Sirius really was okay with it now.

"Alright my turn to ask a question," Sirius' expression became considerate as he thought of one. "What are you most self conscious about?"

Shit. He shouldn't have brought the game back up. Now he had to answer. It's not that he didn't know what to say, it was just a slightly sensitive topic. "Er- remember when I mentioned my dad being in a car accident?" Sirius nodded, was watching his face too intensely for Remus' liking because there was no way Sirius wouldn't see through his façade of indifference. "Um, I was with him. His side absorbed most of the impact but there was a lot of glass and metal and I got some scars from it. Pretty self conscious about those I guess." Then Sirius' gaze flickered across his face, from the scar that slanted diagonally across his nose to the smaller one on his jaw. Suddenly Sirius was reaching out, tracing the raised skin. Remus sucked in a breath, unsure how to react.

"I like them," Sirius whispered.

"They're ugly."

"They give you character." Remus blew out an anxious laugh at that. "They do. Make you look rugged and grizzled."

He snorted, knowing there was no way that was true. Remus felt an unexpected urge to tell Sirius the whole of it, to come clean. Tell Sirius the reason why his dad was paralyzed. "The accident was my fault."

"But didn't the other car crash into you?"

He nodded his head. "Drunk driver."

"So how is that your fault?"

"The only reason my dad was in the car to begin with was because he was picking me up from a party because I'd had too much to drink and needed a drive home." Remus squeezed his eyes shut as some of the blurry memories he'd supressed tried to surface. Sirius' hands paused their movement.

Sirius' voice was gentle. "Rem, that doesn't make it your fault."

"I should have just stayed home," he mumbled, voice cracking, a hot tear squeezed through his eyelids and ran down his cheek. 

"Look at me, can you look at me?" Sirius coaxed him gently and Remus found himself looking up. "You did the responsible thing calling your dad. You weren't the one drunk driving. Does your dad blame you?"

Remus shook his head because he knew he didn't. The painful couple of times he'd visited him over the last six months his dad had continuously told Remus he didn't blame him. Told him the same thing everyone else did, that it wasn't his fault. 

"See so if your dad doesn't blame you, you must be the only one who thinks it's you fault." Another hot tear slipped down his face. "Oh, baby come here." Sirius held his arms out and Remus fell into them. He didn't cry anymore, instead just rested his head against Sirius' chest, feeling completely and totally comfortable, at ease, in Sirius' embrace as the other man ran his hands up and down his back soothingly. Sirius cooed sweet nothing into his ears until Remus calmed down. "It wasn't your fault. It wasn't."

Despite being told this by countless times before by numerous people, hearing it from Sirius was the first time Remus started to believe it. They sat that way, tucked together on the sofa in front of the glowing screen watching the kind of bad TV shows that were only on at 2am.

-x-

Sirius woke up the next morning to the sound of Remus talking to someone on the phone. He shivered and looked over to the window, wide open and letting in the sound of the rain.

"-yeah, I'll tell him...Have fun...Call me when you're coming home...Fuck off-...No! That is definitely not why!... Kay bye" Remus hung up and turned to face him. "Hey, you're up."

"Morning."

"That was just Lily. It's raining pretty hard and they've forecasted a thunderstorm this afternoon so she's gonna chill with James for the day. Apparently she's not wearing rainproof footwear or something?" he pulled a face. "You're totally welcome here unless you wanna try and get home in that." Remus pointed out the window and Sirius pulled a face at the thought of it.

"If it's all the same to you I'll stay."

A smile tugged at Remus' face. "Cool. You hungry?"

"A bit. Kinda cold too."

"Oh my gosh I'm so sorry. Here take my jumper," Remus pulled it over his head... to reveal that he was wearing yet another freaking jumper beneath. He accepted the garment from the other man and pulled it over his head. It was incredibly warm and smelled pleasantly of tea and lemons.

"Thanks. What time is it?"

"Yeah, of course. Uh, like two, I think? Want pancakes for brunch?"

"Yum, yes please."

"Well get off your ass your highness and come help me. I'm not doing all the work."

-x-

After the night before Sirius had worried a bit that things might be a tad awkward between them but instead it was the opposite. The two of them had already been comfortable around one another but now things were even better. They made brunch together, gentle touches shared throughout. A hand on the others lower back, shoulder, forearm. Afterward the afternoon was filled with crosswords, rain, and more whiskey from Remus' stash. Sirius was flipped on his back on the couch with his head dangling off the side and his legs off the back. He was feeling incredibly bored as he watched crappy Saturday reality shows on the telly upside down. He turned his head to see Remus who was curled up beside him reading a musty old book with yellowed pages and cracked spine. Acting impulsively, he pushed himself up and off the couch and headed toward Lily and Remus' record collection. He only spent a minute flipping through them before he picked one out and put it on the record player.

_I remember when rock was young_   
_Me and Suzie had so much fun_   
_Holding hands and skimming stones_   
_Had an old gold Chevy and a place of my own_

He knew Remus liked watching him dance. He'd seen the other boy's eyes land and stay glued to his hips for a few seconds too long the night before for it be possibly explained as anything other than attraction. He wasn't necessarily dancing for the other boy now, but he wasn't necessarily _not_ either. The other man was still looking down at his book when Sirius turned around, however his eyes weren't scanning the pages. Bingo.

_Well Crocodile Rocking is something shocking_   
_When your feet just can't keep still_   
_I never knew me a better time and I guess I never will_

He let the music move through him, his body moving with it. Sirius naturally had a good feel for rhythm and beat, knew when to move his shoulders and roll his hips. He danced closer to Remus on the sofa. Extending a hand he said, "C'mon. Dance with me." Remus looked up, bit his lower lip nervously, and Sirius smiled. "I know you want to."

"I really can't dance."

"Everyone can dance."

"Not me."

"Let's go then. I'll show you how."

_Well, shake it up baby now_   
_Twist and shout_   
_Come on, come on, come, come on baby now_

Sirius took Remus' hands, they were cold like his feet, lightly in his own when the other man reluctantly set his book aside and pulled him up off the sofa. He moved his feet to the music, spinning around the room and gently pulling Remus with him. The other boy was a bit awkward with his gangly long limbs, blushing hard all over and avoiding contact for the first bit. Then after a bit he relaxed and started to move more naturally.

"See, it's not so hard," a smile tugged at his lips.

_You know you twist so fine_   
_Come on and twist a little closer now_   
_And let me know that you're mine, woo_

Sirius wasn't really sure what to do when a slow song came on but Remus didn't pull away so he just sunk into it. Went from spinning to swaying, slowed them down. He could feel his heart pounding rapidly, as fast as the constant rain in the background.

He wasn't sure if it was him or Remus who took the first step toward the other, lessening the distance between them, who it was that shifted closer, but they were close enough that he could feel Remus' breath fanning his hair.

He looked up into Remus' eyes and knew then that his self control was shot when the other mans eyes met his. He was tipsily slow dancing to cheesy music with Remus whose cheeks were dusted pink. Sirius' entire being was enveloped with the smell of lemons and tea, the smell of Remus, slowly driving him crazy. It was intoxicating. He wanted all the mornings, afternoons, and nights to be like this. He wanted them to be full of this boy.

_Love me tender_   
_Love me sweet_   
_Never let me go_   
_You have made my life complete_   
_And I love you so_

Because here was this tall, gangly, awkward but somehow still very attractive boy who blushed easily and was quick with a witty comeback, who talked to Sirius about goofy stuff like beauty pageants and Mr Darcy, was smart and intellectual, who read old dusty books and enjoyed bloody crossword puzzles. He had this adorable nose that he couldn't explain the cuteness behind and amber brown eyes that were always so very full of such raw emotion. He had so many different smiles, each one Sirius loved to see. He was different from all the other guys Sirius had been with over the last six months before he'd met Remus because when Sirius was with Remus he wasn't looking to forget Oliver. When Sirius was with Remus he didn't feel guilty. He didn't feel like he was cheating. Even though it wasn't cheating, it wasn't, right? Is it cheating if the person you're supposedly cheating on is dead?

_Love me tender_   
_Love me true_   
_All my dreams fulfilled_   
_For my darlin' I love you_   
_And I always will_

Sirius released a breath he hadn't realized he'd been holding and wrapped his hands into the thick fabric at the front of Remus' jumper and tugged him forward, closing the gap between them completely. They stood flush against each other, chest to chest, hip to hip, thigh to thigh. And it was like Remus could read his mind, which at this moment Sirius wouldn't even mind because rushing through it he was thinking, _kissmekissmepleasekissmeimgoing tokissyougodineedtokissyou-_ and his gaze was slipping from staring meaningfully into Remus' amber brown eyes to traveling down to his thin pink lips and then Remus' lips were pressed to his and despite the desperation to feel them move hot and fast against his own Sirius shook with restraint as he opened his mouth slowly, instead moving gently. His tongue skimmed Remus' lower lip and the other man made a needy noise in the back of his throat that made Sirius' knees weak, made his blood rush south, made him suck in a quiet gasp of surprise. It was so much better than he could have ever imagined. Then Remus' arms were circling around his waist and pulling him closer, closer but there was nothing between them anymore except their clothes. Sirius pressed their foreheads together and leaned into the other man, their lips skimming, brushing, barely touching, simultaneously just enough and not even the beginning of all that he really truly wanted all at once.

_Love me tender_   
_Love me long_   
_Take me to your heart_   
_For it's there that I belong_   
_And we'll never part_

Then Remus was pulling away enough for their lips to separate but not enough for him to be able to see straight when he opened his eyes. Their foreheads were still pressed together, Remus' eyes remained closed as he breathed hard like he had to gather himself, a wave of affection ran through Sirius' veins. He lifted his hand and cupped Remus' face in his palm, a finger tracing over the edge of one of the scars on his face, his thumb ghosting over the other mans lower lip. Remus' mouth fell open a fraction and he opened his eyes, they were blown wide with desire and Sirius had to push down his own.

"You're so beautiful." Remus' voice was thick and raspy and the sound of it did things to Remus' body.

Sirius buried his face in the crook of Remus' neck and whimpered. "You can't just say stuff like that," he whined.

"Why not?" Remus asked sounding genuinely confused.

"Because I've got a colossal crush on you," he murmured.

"Oh. So you like me?"

"I can't believe you even have to ask that. Duh, I like you. I really really like you. Do you even have any idea how long I've liked you? How many nights I fell asleep imagining scenarios like this one?"

"No, how many?" Remus asked in a teasing voice, even without looking at him Sirius knew he had a smile on his face. Relief swelled in his chest.

Sirius groaned. "So many. Too many."

Remus laughed again and they were still swaying back and forth in each others arms to the music and it felt so nice. He never wanted to move from this time and place ever again. Wanted to stay tucked away, safe, in Remus' arms for the rest of his life.

_Love me tender_   
_Love me dear_   
_Tell me you are mine_

"So what happens now?"

"Now we kiss."

Sirius knew in that moment, as Remus twined his body around his, slotting their limbs together and licking into his mouth, that he'd never get tired of kissing him.

"And now?"

"We cuddle."

"And after that?"

"We'll figure it out once we get there."

_I'll be yours through all the years_   
_Till the end of time_

-x-

That night they lay tucked together in Remus' bed. "What makes you happy?" Remus whispered.

"Lots of things."

"Okay, but for the sake of the game you've gotta give me like the thing or things that make you happiest."

Sirius paused. "You," he murmured finally.

Remus' breath caught in his throat. "That's really cheesy."

Sirius turned in his arms, his face broke out in a grin when he saw Remus blushing. "If you knew the world would end tomorrow what would you do with the time you had left?"

Remus rolls the question over in his head before shrugging. "Which answer do you want?"

Sirius' eye brows draw together. "What do you mean?"

"Well do you want my filtered or unfiltered answer?"

Sirius hand is resting on his bare hip because his shirt has risen up. One of his fingers is drawing small gentle patterns there and Remus can hardly think when he's doing that. "Your honest one. The whole point of this game is the get to know each other better," Sirius replies.

"Well then, honestly I'd probably want to have sex with you at least once," he admits. "It's something I've thought about a lot and I wouldn't want to die without knowing what it'd be like with you." There was a heavy silence. Shit. He probably should have just said he'd want to go out on a proper date with him or spend the day with his parents or something. "Sirius?"

"Bloody hell give a guy some warning." His voice is an octave higher than usual and Remus starts to panic.

"Sorry. I shouldn't have-"

"Do you mean it?" Sirius interrupts him.

He hesitates. "What do you mean?"

"Have you thought about it before?"

Oh. "I'm a healthy young adult who hasn't gotten laid for awhile because I've been pining over an idiot. So yeah, I have." Remus tells him. Then considering how Sirius isn't cursing him out or scrambling away from him he asks, "Have you?"

"Yeah." And _oh_.

He has no idea what to do with this new information. "Okay then. I don't mean to make you feel pressured or anything. Like we can take this slow if that's what you want."

Sirius doesn't say anything to that and instead asks, "Are we together?"

"Like as a couple?" Sirius nodded. "I'd like to be?"

Sirius grinned up at him. "Hey babe," he said winking flirtatiously.

"Hey yourself," he chuckled. " _Anyway_ ," he drew out the word dramatically as he contemplated his next question because if they kept talking about them being a couple he was pretty sure he'd combust. "If you could bring someone back from the dead who would it be?"

He wasn't sure what he'd expected Sirius to say but it definitely wasn't, "I uh kinda dated a boy named Oliver. He died of AIDs."

Remus' eyes widened, and realization dawned on Sirius face. "No, no, I don't- he didn't - we never had sex so he didn't give me AIDs. I'm not going to give you AIDs," he sputtered out.

Relief swelled in his stomach, but his heart was still galloping. "I'm sorry."

Sirius didn't respond, only stared deeply into Remus' eyes. It made Remus feel like the other boy was seeing him, all of him. He felt exposed, naked, with Sirius' eyes searching and scanning his face.

"Say something?" Sirius urged.

"What was he like?"

The other boy stared at him, lips parted, as if he wasn't sure if Remus really wanted to know.

"I've never told anyone about him."

"Oh, well I mean you don't have-" He felt gross inside. He knew Sirius liked him but he'd obviously loved this other bloke. He was jealous of a dead guy. That thought almost made him laugh.

"I want to." There was desperation in Sirius' eyes. "But only if you're okay with it."

"Sure."

Still Sirius hesitated. "Well, um, I came out to my family years ago but they're very traditional and narrow minded, as I've mentioned, and I guess this is just how things are for people like- um anyways... I think they'd rather have me marry my cousin than a man," Sirius scoffed. "So I moved in with my best friend James and his folks. I was in a low place back then, struggled with accepting myself. The Potters were pretty worried about me and bought me museum memberships and such in attempt to get me to just leave the house and do something that wasn't self destructive. I met Oliver about a year ago; I was at an art gallery. He was an artist, he painted and I was, according to him, his muse. He was so...alive, so colourful and bright. Always had a splotch of paint somewhere on him.

We started dating a week after that first day in the art gallery, but we only knew each other for about a month before the virus started to set in and consume him. He went from this fun living, carefree, flirtatious young man to a husk of what he used to be. That damn disease sucked the life right out of him." Sirius' words were sad and laced with bitterness. "Our relationship was fast and fleeting but damn it if what we felt for each other wasn't real than I don't know what is."

Remus reached forward and ran his hands through Sirius' hair, knowing how it soothed him.

"Sorry."

"For what?"

"For crying. For dumping this on you."

"Hey, look at me. Don't apologize for crying. Don't ever. Especially not about Oliver. He had a big impact on your life and he was important to you. Of course, you're going to cry. You miss him."

"Thank you." Remus only squeezed him closer, wanted so badly to suck all the ugly feelings out of him, would have taken them on himself if it meant Sirius didn't have to feel them. "I don't always cry when I think about him. I try to remember the good things. I've been getting better at that lately. At just feeling the feeling and letting it pass."

"You can always talk to me about it you know? Things are easier when you have someone to share them with."

Sirius kissed him softly. "I know," he whispered as he traced Remus' scars.

 


	6. the smell of lemons and tea

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> just a warning to people who don't feel comfy with reading it : there's smut in this chapter

One Month Later

Sirius hopped off his motorcycle and pulled his helmet off, eyes scanning the garage for his boyfriend.

"Hey, what's up?" He turned and saw a familiar redhead.

"Hey Lil," he smiled and approached where she was sitting on a stool in the corner with a book that looked a lot like one of his boyfriends. "Here to pick up Rem, you?"

"I didn't have class this afternoon, so I came here because I was bored. I was hoping Remus would entertain me but instead he's just been working."

"I mean, that is kinda his job here?"

"Unimportant. I'm his best friend. I come first."

"Sirius?" He turned and his mouth went dry upon seeing Remus. Flash back to the first time he'd come to the garage to pickup his motorcycle from the other man. He looked just as, if not more, attractive than he had then with his ruffled sex hair (He now knew exactly what Remus' curls looked like post getting laid so he knew what he was comparing this look to) and denim overalls. Jesus, seeing him in those overalls did things to him. "Hey babe." Sirius relished in the way the pet name alone still made Remus turn crimson. "Ready to go?"

Remus pecked him on the lips. "You don't even know. I need a nap so badly." He was about to step away but Sirius pulled on denim straps to limit the gap between them so he could kiss him more thoroughly.

"Oh yeah?" He whispered into Remus' ear and he felt the other man shiver.

"Mhmm," Remus hummed.

"Is there anything else you want to do?"

"I can think of a thing or two, yeah."

Sirius pushed the helmet he was holding into Remus' chest and looked him in the eye. "You can remember them until we get back to the flat right?"

"I sure hope so. It would suck if I forgot."

"You guys need to get your own bloody flat so I can go home in peace and not have to worry about walking in on you two," Lily grumbled from behind them.

Remus gave him a wolfish grin and kissed him once more, promisingly, before he pulled the helmet on over his head. "Yeah, you might want to hang with James for a bit or something Lily," he told her, while maintaining eye contact with Sirius.

The redhead made gagging noises but neither of them cared. Sirius turned to his bike and hiked his leg over the seat so that he was straddling it. Remus joined him, wrapping his arms around his waist and squeezing once to signal that he was ready. Sirius revved the engine and tore out of the garage, already thinking about all the things he'd do to Remus in those overalls when they were alone.

-x-

The door wasn't even closed before Sirius was tugging at denim straps again and pulling the other man closer. Remus' lips were on his as he kicked the door shut behind them and dragged him down the hall to his room. Sirius pushed them down over Remus' shoulders roughly, using the beltloops to pull their hips together, shoved them down over his waist. Remus pressed hot open-mouthed kisses to Sirius' neck as he stepped out of them. Desperate hands pushed and pulled at clothing until the two of them had nothing separating them, shirts and pants dropped to the floor, as they fell back into Remus' bed. It wasn't their first time doing this so they knew where the other liked being touched. Sirius pulled at Remus' golden locks eliciting a moan. Remus kissed the sensitive skin between his neck and jaw making his toes curl.

"R-Remus..." his voice was low and husky. Thick with lust and arousal.

Remus kissed him hungrily, eager for more. His head spins as the other mans hands trace patterns over his skin with the tips of his fingers, as they grip his thighs, circle his belly button, travel...lower. Sirius gasps because _oh_. That feels so good. So so good. "Don't stop," he begs as Remus touches him. He opens his eyes and meets Remus' amber brown ones, glittering with pleasure, mouth curved into a wicked smile. Then he's out of sight and Sirius' back arches off the bed when he feels the other mans tongue circling his head. He pants when Remus licks a heavy strip up him from base to tip, he clenches his hands into fists, grasping onto the bedsheets when he takes his whole length in his mouth. It's hot and warm and wet and makes his whole body shudder with the pleasure of it. He can feel how hard he is and his length twitches-

"Rem that feels so good," Sirius whispers carding his hands through his boyfriends' beautiful curls, "but I'm going to come if you don't stop."

Remus' mouth pulls away and he whines as cold air comes in contact with sensitive skin. Their bodies break apart and they lose all skin contact as he watches the other man lean over his bed. When he comes up he's holding a condom and lube. Sirius hears the sound of foil crinkling. They've done this before so his body is used to the sensation of Remus' slicked up finger pressing into him but he still winces just a bit before the pain turns to pleasure.

"You okay?" Remus asks him.

Sirius answers him with a kiss. It's open and full of all the passion he's feeling, and he hopes Remus feels it. He adds another finger and he feels his skin stretch. Waits for him to get used to the feeling before sliding in one more. The tips of them press against his prostate and he's a moaning writhing mess in the sheets beneath Remus.

"You're so gorgeous," the other man murmurs into his ear before pressing a kiss to his collar bone, his rib cage, sucks a mark onto his hip bone. Sirius jerks as a wave of arousal runs down his spine.

"Stop teasing me and get on with it," he mutters breathlessly.

Remus laughs and it's still Sirius' favourite sound there is. "Alright, alright."

Then he's putting Sirius' legs over his shoulders and pressing into his entrance and Sirius scrambles for some sort of purchase before Remus eases into him. His whole body is shaking, and he grips Remus' shoulders, fingers digging into skin.

"You feel so good," Remus whispers, building up a gradual rhythm. But it's not nearly hard or fast enough.

"Jeez okay I was just trying to ease you into it," Remus says, and Sirius realizes he must have said that last thought aloud. "You're going to be sore."

"When has that ever stopped us before?" he pants.

"Fair enough," Remus chuckles as he speeds up and _god that's exactly what he needs_.

He moans loudly and Remus presses into him harder, he closes his eyes but then Remus is cupping his face and saying, "Look at me Sirius." His voice is deep and just as breathless as Sirius' and the way he says his name fucking hell he'd do anything for him. So he opens his eyes and is met with warm brown ones, blown wide open with pleasure. Then Remus shifts a fraction and that new angle has him pressing into prostate. Sirius tugs on Remus' curls and he speeds up. They're both close now. Remus reaches down and starts pulling him off and he does this little twisting thing with his wrist and that's all it takes before he's coming. His hips buck upward as he sees stars. It takes a moment longer for Remus but then he's joining Sirius. He pulls out of him and collapses in a sweaty sticky mess on his stomach. They're both too blissed out to move so they lay there together as they both come their high. When Remus can finally move again he lifts his head up and kisses Sirius languidly. It's not fast and frantic but sweet and soft. Sirius lifts his hands up and holds Remus' face with both his hands, leaning forward and pressing their foreheads together. Their mouths separate but they stay like that for awhile longer.

"You want first shower?" Remus asks him.

"Or y'know we could conserve water and take one together?"

"I'm not sure we'd be conserving water if we did that. In fact, last time we showered together I remember we actually-"

"Fine, fine I get it. I'll take the first one."

They kiss each other one more time before separating completely. Sirius drags himself to the bathroom and takes one of the fastest showers in his life, wanting to get out so Remus can get in so they can get back to cuddling as soon as possible. That's when he realizes what a goner he is. He catches his breath and just stands there under the hot water as it streams down his back. It's only the sound of Remus bumping around in his room that breaks Sirius out of his spinning thoughts and has him stepping out of the shower and toweling himself dry. He wraps his towel around his waist and steps out of the bathroom to see a naked Remus setting the bed.

"Wotcha doing?" He asks as he grabs a fresh pair of boxers (pirate themed ones this time) out of the section of the closet that's become his over the last month.

"Changing the sheets."

Sirius chest swells with affection and he knows he's fallen hard. He approaches the bed and takes the sheets from Remus' hands, kissing his jaw as he does so. "Go take a shower. I'll finish this."

Remus only takes a couple minutes but, in that time, a gentle rain starts up outside. Sirius cracks open the window to let the soothing sound into the bedroom. He finishes setting the bed and curls up beneath the covers as soon as he's done because with the sound of rain he's also letting in cold air. Remus steps out of the bathroom a moment later and Sirius watches him as he pulls on a pair of shorts before joining him. Sirius shifts so his head is pillowed beneath Remus' chin and held in his arms. It's his favourite place in the world.

They lay there, tangled together in bed, steamy rain drizzling rain pattering on the window as Sirius contemplates. For a fleeting second, he wonders if it's too early in their relationship for him to say it. Then he's thinking about the last month, the handful of months before that. He thinks about the quiet mornings, the last minute planned adventures, the way he feels when Remus holds him, the long nights where they talk about everything and nothing into the early hours of morning. He thinks about the way Remus goes out on impulsive late-night drives with him, the afternoons they put records on and dance, how comfortable he feels telling the other man literally every thought that comes to mind. _He loves Remus_. He revels in how true that statement is. He knows he does. Fully and completely.

He turns in Remus' arms and looks him in the eye. Remus' gazes right back at him. "I love you."

There is no hesitation before Remus replies, "I love _you_."

And for some reason Sirius really really likes that he doesn't say 'I love you _too_.' He likes how Remus emphasised the 'you.' Remus loves him. Sirius feels like he's melting. He's having an epiphany, trying to re evaluate his entire outlook on life in about two seconds.

Remus is looking at him fondly and he becomes self conscious. "Uh."

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing. I'm just- You're here. With me."

Remus smiles softly. "I am." He tucks himself back into the crook of Remus' arm and feels the other man press his lips to his head. The smell of lemons and tea tickles his nose and he breathes it into his system deeply.

FIN


End file.
